You may have noticed that I have not been blogging lately and honestly, it's mostly down to TikTok.  For all of the love I have for social media, nothing has been so impactful as TikTok and as I've recently gone viral I thought I would share what actually happens when you go viral on TikTok.

I started doing TikTok for fun during the winter lockdown, I shared the walks that I was doing and my aim was to get to 1000 followers.  Within a month I accidentally had a semi-viral post of my pets being ridiculous and I started to get a few more followers, I then had a gradual build until I posted about some money-saving travel hacks and that got me to around 7000 followers, it was lovely and slow and steady and then suddenly I found my feet.

If you want to be successful on social media you need to add value or entertain, teaching people to do things in one minute or less seemed to me like a challenge and as I make things for Christmas every year I thought I would share the process.  I made a few videos that had some good views and I could see myself reaching 10,000 followers and being able to join the creator fund.  Then I posted a 1-minute Tiktok documenting myself making Rhubarb gin and everything changed.

Since I posted that TikTok on the 22nd of September my follower count has risen from just over 8k to just over 40k and that one TikTok has reached over 465000 people, let's just think about how many people that would be in real life?!!  It's not only brought me followers but it's made me the loveliest community, a community of people who love making things, who love gin and who adore Christmas.  It is the best community and if you fancy joining me I'm Mandyyourtiktokmum I was a little worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up the content ideas but honestly, the internet is so full of things you can make that I can't see me running out of ideas anytime soon.

Has it changed my life or lead to my business going viral and selling out?  No, honestly, it hasn't but I use TikTok not to push my businesses but because I've always wanted to be a creator, I love making things and I love creating content.  I do have some added extras on my profile like my shop is connected in my profile through Shopify and yes, I definitely get sales that way but I would never encourage anyone to go viral on TikTok with the expectation that it's going to skyrocket their business.  It might do in certain circumstances and it really depends on what your TT that goes viral is all about.  

In the future I'd love to teach people how to make things, it's where I began all those years ago working in the craft industry.  Abi moves out at the end of this week and I'm turning that room into my craft room.  I plan to make things not just for me but also for Philomena's Boutique I've bought a Cricut, and I have managed to get my hands on a second-hand dye-sublimation printer and my next work purchase is going to be a mug press and T-Shirt/Bag press.  I can't wait to be more creative, especially as the winter is coming and my Jan-March calendar is never all that busy.

Am I worried that in January people will stop watching my content?  Not really because I'm building up a community that is all about making (and gin) and we can make things together all year round.  Handmade things aren't just for Christmas.  Plus I know how to add value in so many areas, I have been practising for this moment for years on other forms of social media, it's just how I happened to have found my people on TikTok.

Between various forms of social media and my blog I can reach way over 100k people a month, in fact, the last month alone on TikTok I've reached around 1 million people in total and we're only just at the start of video content, this is only going to keep growing over the years and I am there for it, I love it all!!

Do I get trolled?  Yes, occasionally, it's the curse of social media but I just block and delete, I'm pretty laid back when it comes to such things and I have the most supportive group of cheerleading friends who are all there behind me to keep me grounded and remind me that I am enough.

So if you're missing my daily updates you can find me on TikTok and I promise to still try and find the time to write, it didn't help that I shot 5 weddings in the space of 2 weeks and I've only just come out of the editing hole I was in for a month!!  Life moves pretty fast, I heard that somewhere...

14 years of blogging, what's next?

My blog is 14 years old this week and I feel like I'm at a great crossroads.  I have blogged about anything and everything for more than a quarter of my life, there's so much history, so many memories, the good, the great and the super sparkly.

I blog less now that I ever have but just because it's hard, I Instagram almost every day and that's really taken over as a daily document of my life online, it's just so much easier to post in the moment and since I was diagnosed with Hyperparathyroidism my memory fails me more often than not, nothing like an (currently) inoperable tumour on your parathyroid to interfere with your life.  It could be a lot worse though and it's totally workable.  I have found the greatest therapy is to work on my home day and night.  This week the transformation of my livingroom is well underway and I spend every spare second when I am not out working either planning or doing.  I have taken a week off currently though as painting the ceiling grey when you have fibromyalgia hurts a lot!!

Other than the transformation of my home, there's really not a lot to write about, I lead the most sedate life and live like a hermit, anyone wondering if I've been on a date lately, I haven't, not for at least 5 years but the single life is the happy life and the stable life when you're me, I've an inability to deal with conflict and when I think about relationships I immediately worry about what would happen the first time we have an argument so suffice to say, it's easier and less anxious to remain as I am.

I don't want to give up on blogging and it still makes me a few pounds every year in the form of sponsored ads/products/articles and indeed it's not like my traffic has slowed down, the last couple of months I've been getting over 30,000 hits a month, maybe it's even better when I blog sporadically than when I do it every day.

I still think about writing but most of the time, I'll have a thought and by the time I sit down to write about it, I'll have completely forgotten what it was.

I have this great plan to throw Harriet a fabulous party for her upcoming special birthday when she's 20 for the second time, I was just thinking today how I could recreate her favourite nightclub by having the rock room upstairs, the pop room downstairs and who knows what we could do in the garden on a sunny May evening, chillout room in the bedroom obviously 😉

I have also just launched my mentoring services today if you have need for photography mentoring, the time just feels right and now I have the perfect home to do it from, and I'm also teaching "Everyday Photography Masterclass" for business owners next month at my home through my other company The Inspire Network, if you're a maker this is the masterclass for you and you don't even have to be a member to join us.

So that's you and me, dear reader, we are caught up, we are reconnected and I would assume that the best is always just around the corner so onwards to our next adventures together and thank you always for reading.

I'm changing my blog, here's why...

I've always been a great documenter of things, I scrapbooked, I take a billion photos, much to my families dismay and I have been a blogger since bloggers weren't even in fashion.  I've loved my blog, I've hated my blog and my writing style and photography has changed a lot over the last 13 years.

Here's the thing though, my brain doesn't work as many people's, my part autistic, part bipolar thought processes are not quite so straight forward and add some long term bipolar meds in there and wahey, you're in for a mixed-up cornucopia of nonsense on some days.

I've just come back from a (possibly life-changing but too early to tell) solo holiday to the north of Tenerife, I left my Macbook at home and took only my camera, my iPhone, oh and an overpacked suitcase filled with more than I needed.

I wanted to remember everything that I'd done and as I had no one to remind me and my thought processes are often jumbled, I started writing a kind of list every day on Facebook, not just a list, it had an added commentary as well as the collected thoughts of the random things that go on inside my head every day.  After a week I'd grown to love the new shorthand way of writing and after doing a little research I've found it also makes good accessible reading.

I've had so much great feedback from it and found a whole new love of writing in a completely different style that I've decided to start writing my thoughts on my everyday life in the same way.  The only thing is that I'm not always standing in the crater of a volcano or going on a jeep safari so I've decided to just start by doing a weekly post but it will be a collation of my daily thoughts.

My next post will be a collated post of my week in Tenerife as it was written in the moment every evening, although I might correct some of my "in the moment" grammar as writing long posts with one finger is trepidatious, to say the least.

Now, I could have just started with my "Today I Have..." posts but not all of you lovely readers are also friends with me on Facebook and I did it through my personal profile and not my page because it was intended to just be something for me. 

It may not work, it may not translate to my everyday life and that's why I'm doing a roundup post each week at first. If I can think of enough to write though, well, we see how it goes and if you are one of my Facebook friends, feel free to skip the next post and I'll see you all on the other side, probably on a Wednesday!

I watched only the news channels for one month, here's what happened.

I've always loved watching the news, I get my updates from many channels to try and get an unbiased view but I'll be honest, mostly on TV I stick to Sky News and the BBC News Channel.  I was feeling a little overwhelmed and had a massive case of brain fog so I decided instead of just catching up on the news for an hour a day I would switch to only watching the news (there is a caveat, I do occasionally watch movies, documentaries and of course Crazy Ex Girlfriend on Netflix) and for the most part, I can tell you, it's been such a good experience.

It's not just that I am now hyper-aware of everything that's going on in the world but my brain fog has dissipated and I feel more intelligent.  I'm also an expert on Brexit and the goings on in Parliament and I've spoken about it on my own social media in an effort to pass on the news in an easy to digest way.

I've started having much better chats with my teenagers and I think even Looby is soaking it in by osmosis, she attests that she doesn't like the news but she knows what Brexit is and who leads which political parties,  a year ago and I don't think I could have said the same thing.

It's funny isn't it?  We spend so much time sitting at our desks, scrolling through social media and all that happens is that it essentially kills our brain.  We lose our awareness of what's actually going on in the world's current affairs and we start to obsess over what's going to happen to Julie's cat or what will Michael have for lunch today.

Now whilst I can't say that I hate social media, I'd be a fool to do so, after all, when it's the way I make some of my income.  I can say that being permanently attached to it, isn't a wholly good thing.  Nor is sitting at your desk working and not getting any information from external places.

I can honestly say I absolutely love the news channels, yes, they may repeat the headlines a billion times every day but if you look past that there are great shows about politics, about the arts, in depth travel shows, consumer affairs programmes, and yesterday watching the Michael Cohen testimony, it was better than the best drama, I literally could not stop watching, the scandal, the revelations, hard to believe he was actually talking about the leader of the free world!

I'm an all or nothing type of girl so I guess I do things to extremes but I would advise you to at least tune into the news channel just a couple of times a day and catch up with what's really going on in the world.  I did at points worry it would trigger my depressive thoughts but actually, being hyper aware just made me more determined and I feel more informed so that I'm not scared of everything that is going on on the world, I'm just prepared for whatever happens.  I mean, yeah, I could probably terrify people with some of the absolute hard facts of what could happen in a no-deal Brexit but I'm now as prepared as I can be and I put that down completely to having this new awareness of what's going on in politics.

I realise I've always been a newshound, after all I've even written for the Huff Post several times but even if you aren't, maybe just tune in for a while and listen to what's going on beyond those few headlines, you may just get a surprise and learn a few new things.

A short note about my absence from my blog -  I have now been missing in action for more than half a month though if you follow me on Instagram you'll also know that I haven't just been hiding under a blanket, I've genuinely been working on things and sometimes it seems like Instagram is the new blog so please do, come follow me on there!

Last Night I Fell In Love...

Last night I fell in love, yes it actually happened, last night I fell in love with...

an advent calendar which costs just £150!!

I'll tell you one thing, this beauty advent calendar is a definite way to my heart, just look at it's beauteous goodness and okay, yeah, it's £150 but it does contain £300 worth of beautiful presents, 24 tiny treats to make you fall in love over and over again, well at least for 24 days of December.  Maybe it was made more magical by the fact that it was in John Lewis?

For anyone who doesn't know me well, John Lewis is my favourite and my best, when I'm feeling sad and a bit glum I take myself to John Lewis and everything is happy again, all of the good in the retail world exists in John Lewis, cushions you can bury yourself in, sumptuous drapes you could hang in country houses, only the best people get to shop at John Lewis.

Now I should state for the record, I am not a beauty blogger but when John Lewis got in touch to invite me to their inaugural blogger event in their beauty retreat there was no way I was going to refuse, it's like being invited by the Queen for tea at Buckingham Palace, next year John Lewis, you should have a Christmas bloggers evening although I'm not sure I could cope with so much excitement, John Lewis and Christmas now go together in grand tradition, it isn't even Christmas until after we've first viewed that special advert which heralds the real start to Christmas.

Okay, so I'm guessing one or two of you cynical minds out there might be judging me for my materialistic love of a department store and for the idolisation of a false God but really, without John Lewis and Fenwick, life would be miserable and much like Waitrose the staff are the success of the store, they're always happy to help, always smiley so allow me this one deferment from my usual statement that life is about experiences and not things.

In saying that, last nights bloggers evening was most definitely an experience, I had a Decleor massage, an Elemis facial and a lovely hand massage from Jessica nails, there was music from a divine man announced only as "Mark" who I wanted to steal and pop in a corner of my living room so he could sing to me every time I walked past *insert winking smiley face here*

Last night was about so much more than beautification, it was about teeny tiny canapés, sumptuous macaroons and more importantly it was about catching up with my most favourite ladies from the blogging world, some of whom I haven't seen for ages.  I don't go out a lot at night and I only work with select brands now, juggling a photography business, writing, home educating, single parenting, well it doesn't leave a lot of time and that was one of the reasons I went along, an excuse for a pamper, just for a couple of hours to leave the world behind and spend it in the glittery wonderland that is John Lewis Newcastle.

I really do hope they throw more events and even more so, I hope they invite this fan girl to come along and escape the humdrum of the world outside and slide into a decadent department store where simply everything is taken care of.

Why I don't blog every day anymore

It's Sunday night, it's late (ish) and I'm yawning, yes that kind of tired, I've felt overwhelmingly exhausted since mid afternoon and I can't even put my finger on the reason why.  I now have that "I should have worked this afternoon" type of guilt but the truth is that I haven't achieved very much at all.

So I wanted to take a moment just to address the fact that I'm barely blogging once or twice a week at the moment.  Now historically if you have followed my blog over the years you'll know that summer tends to be busy, well technically spring through to midwinter but hey, busy is good!  I was just saying today how I love what I do so much, I'm driven to work, to achieve, to beat targets, I don't work because I have to, I work because I want to, I need that challenge, it's the thing which has kept me sane for the last 10 years and as long as I can find a way to make an income from photography and writing then I'll continue to.

At the moment life is pretty manic, I'm working 20 hours a day and it doesn't leave very much time to blog, plus I'm also working on my vlog and in establishing that I find it hard to do both things at the same time, I think it's probably a factor that I don't want to bore people with the same voice, even though I think, my Youtube channel is more like my immediate thoughts, I grab the camera whenever I have a moment, with blogging I guess my thoughts are more considered, this will always be the first place that I share images because I just think they work better in blogs.  

Since winning Portrait Photographer of the Year and then the next week being named as one of Lux International Magazines best wedding photographers of 2017 business has become even busier and that is such a good thing, I haven't done any major PR and you're not likely to see any from me directly as I just don't feel the need to, it's not something that's going to change me and I certainly didn't seek the validation, I'll always strive to do my very best and if anything it's just proved that I am doing exactly the right things.  I'm not planning on massively raising my prices, I charge less now than I did in 2007 and to be honest, I wasn't even 10% as good as I am now, I still plan to be 100% better and more accomplished in 10 years time though.

I would like to think that having achieved these titles may open some new doors and lead me to places I haven't been before but I guess we'll have to see what happens in that area.  With regards to travel writing and blogging I'm most definitely still on a path to achieve more with that but it's only really been a couple of years that I've been working on that aspect of my business, I know there are fantastic things I'm going to achieve so that's one of those "watch this space" items.

In truth I just don't know if I'm likely to get back to daily blogs anytime soon, do you know if I was dating I would have many more readers, I've lost around 10k readers since I decided that I was quite happy to remain on my own for the foreseeable, of course it's always there in the back of my mind that I might happen upon someone in an unexpected moment but if it does happen then that's almost certainly the way it will happen because I am not looking...at all, I mean, have you seen my schedule?  I've always maintained that long distance would be lovely, someone low maintenance who has their own life and ambitions who just wants to share the best parts of life together in short bubbles of happiness, I think it's a low expectation really when you think about it.  Full on, full time....whoah, no thanks, been there, done that!

I'm sure the people who are out there still reading my sporadic mind dumps are the only people I care about anyway because you've been with me through thick and thin and you're not just hear for the sensationalised stuff (even if it was kind of fun for a while).

So that's me, super, crazy busy, mostly chasing my tail, working for a better future not just for me but for my fabulous kids and my menagerie of animals, life is good and it's getting better all the time, not everything is about boys you know!!

I'm going to have it all and here's why!

So after some time floundering around in the chasm that is my own mental health I've picked myself up, brushed myself off and I'm raring to go again with a whole new energy, sometimes I think we need these small dips to examine our own inner self, a period of introspection to really calm the mind and figure out a strategy of what we're going to do to make it to the next level.

Here's the thing, I love what I do, and I want to keep doing it for as long as I possibly can but I know to do that I need to find the following - 

*More paid blog work and writing gigs

*More clients for Mandy Charlton Photography

This is especially true through the summer as I have plans, big plans, I know that there's an abundance and it's on it's way to me, I believe so much in the laws of attraction, just take this example, last week Abigail and I were passing the travel agents when she remarked, we never did book that cruise I replied that since the 2018 summer dates had been released I didn't have the spare cash available to put down large deposits!

Today, I got a message that you could book any cruise through Princess Cruises before the end of today for just £1 per person, so what did we do, we booked for next July to go to the Norwegian Fjords and I cannot wait.

Now you may believe that this is coincidental and certainly Jung would have us believe that it's sinchronisity but let's ignore him for a moment and instead let's go with Einstein who believed very heavily in the laws of attraction, it's all about the concept of Dream, Believe, Achieve and I really do, I sit every morning saying my affirmations and this stuff really works, I'm foolish though because I get into a routine and then all of a sudden I stop believing, I get anxious or worried and that leads to negative thoughts and instead of thinking of an abundance I worry about there being times of great scarcity and then that leads to more thoughts of less and, well it's self fulfilling.  Well can I just say this now, no more, I've seen the proof and I've been using the Laws of Attraction since 2008, remember in 2007 I set up a business just to prove to others that I wasn't "mental" and my business is 10 years old tomorrow and it's successful, I'm successful, I'm good at what I do and I don't think anyone can do things the way that I do them, the same could be said of you of course, yes you, right there, reading this, we're all unique and we all possess talents that no one else has, you too need to dream, believe and achieve.

On my noticeboard above my desk I've written a cheque to myself from the universe as well as my abundance list, things which I have ordered from the universe which will be arriving imminently, I figure if I put these 2 things right in front of me then I'll see them every time I sit at my desk, which, is quite often!!

So, although you may think that this crazy lady has truly lost the plot just watch this space and I'll report back on my progress by the end of July, I know what I'm going to achieve and I can't wait to tell you about it when I've manifested it!

So, what happens now?

Since I took some time away from the world and came back more refocused on my work and the future, I've had to make some decisions.  Everything that has happened or that is happening is having a direct effect on my blog.

I can't give blogging up because it's just something that I do and though my reader numbers have dropped people still come to read and for that I am grateful.

The thing is though that I have nothing salacious or even vaguely interesting to write about currently, I literally start work when I get out of bed and do as much as I can barring taking Holly for her daily constitutional and popping out for occasional photo shoots, coupling that along with being the best mum I can be, my life is busy but to you the reader, completely boring.

I have had people asking why I'm not writing about dating anymore and it's because I'm not dating, I literally gave up, I'm not in the right place in my life because I am always single-mindedly focused on the things that I want to achieve and dating just isn't one of those things.

I did try hard but I think the last straw was talking to someone, getting along fine and then when he asked to take me on a date I couldn't find a gap for 2 weeks and for him that was too long, or there was another man who pretty much called me boring because I'm all about work and family.  I don't have the energy to go and look for a long distance relationship unfortunately because really, that's perfection, someone where you can make a splendid effort to be together but ultimately one which doesn't overwhelm the rest of your life, selfish on my part I guess and maybe that's why the decision to stay single was any easy one.

I'm very fulfilled in my professional life, I love creating an income which has hope for the future, an income which promised fun and adventure for the girls and me, yes it would be nice to be able to share some of those adventures with someone special but really, a soulmate is one in a million and I don't have the time to find them.

I'm lucky to have friends, male and female, online and offline so I have pretty much everything I need, I have a massage chair too now so there's another thing I don't need a man for...

Blogging is the thing I have put the most work into for the smallest reward for over a year, I wanted it to lead to regular writing jobs and in small ways it has so I can't help but be grateful for that but in some ways I'm happy to be up to date with blogging commitments currently because there are very few companies I like to work with, they have to fit with me, with my brand and with my style and because of the way that I write that's not always possible. My blog is very much still a diary of my life and it always will be.  It's the same with photography, I am very honest with potential clients in drilling down that I am not X, Y or Z, people come to me because after 10 years I am very good at what I do and I am also different to everyone else, I do my own thing and I'm happy to walk away if I don't think our collaboration is going to reward both parties equally and it has to be this way because when I give my whole heart to a project it's exhausting but also amazingly rewarding.

If you have stuck with me through thick and thin, through my dating disasters and my parenting successes and fails then thank you, thank you for always being there, I'm going to take it easy with blogging for a while now and just write when I feel compelled but please don't give up on me because you never know, maybe the best, is yet to come.

Why don't companies want honest reviews? Brand influencers, read this now!

Influencer marketing is on the rise with companies paying bloggers and vloggers varying amounts of money or product to gain their endorsement through reviews but I've recently become acutely aware that some in the community are only interested in having good reviews, now, I guess that might make sense but I'm talking about 3 separate situations I've encountered where my free speech was encumbered.

Situation 1, when I took my critical concerns about a product to its supplier I was asked: "will you mention this, will it affect your review?"

Situation 2, a review was changed and all of my irks were removed making it look like I was ridiculously over-enthusiastic about something which I actually didn't like.

Situation 3, a holiday cottage owner wrote to me after my honest review of his property and said he was disappointed by my review and I shouldn't have written the things I did, especially as a travel writer.

A great business mentor once told me one of her most valuable pieces of advice, that you should always be true to yourself and that's how I approach blogging, content creation and reviews.  I am one of the most positive people and so if I find issues with things, be it a product or a service, you can be sure that I'm not just doing it for the sake of it, it's like my blog, one of the things I hear from my readers is that they appreciate how honest I am about my own life, I never pretend to be living a perfect life with the most amazing children doing extraordinary things every day, that's why I don't blog every day because sometimes I'm just busy with work and nothing else is happening.

I am slightly irked and visibly cross at being asked to only provide positive reviews, I do always say good things but if there are issues then you, the reader, the consumer who might buy that product or service need to know about these things, after all, you are never going to trust a word I say again if I fail to point out a serious shortcoming and you go and part with your own hard earned cash only to get less than you expected.

As long as I share my life and my work on this thing we call the internet I will continue to write honestly, the good with the bad, the positives and the negatives, I will not only be true to myself but also to you, the readers whom I hold so dear in my heart.

If we, the writers are not allowed to give honest opinions is this not a form of dictatorship?

I've actually heard of someone giving an honest review this week and being told that she wouldn't be writing that if she were paid, that's not true actually, she would, she has integrity and is one of the most honest people I know.

I'm not sure what your opinions are on this but I feel really strongly that if anything, influencers should not just be saying positive things because they're paid for a review, isn't an honest brand endorsement far better?

With this kind of marketing technique getting bigger all of the time, we need to do something before it's too late and I for one would rather walk away from a company expecting a dishonest review just because they've paid me.

Win Your Own Star with Star Name Registry

Every night I wish upon a star, I believe that stars have the most magical properties, we're never as connected to the universe as we are when we are under skies filled with shining blankets of twinkling stars.  In my years of blogging, I've collaborated with so many companies and it's brought me the most amazing items and trips away but this collaboration is without a doubt the most special of all.

The lovely people at Star Name Registry asked me if I wanted to name a star and so after much thought I came up with the name Abilaurain Bobbins which is a combination of Abigail, Laura, Iain and of course wonder dog Holly Bobbins, you also get to choose a memorable date so I chose my birthday and that way our family star would have a bit of me in as well and now for all eternity we have our own named star, whenever and wherever we are, we will always be able to look to the skies and see the place in eternity where we'll always be together.

You know the best thing about naming a star?  I got to choose the constellation and being the biggest fan of greek mythology I had to choose the constellation of Cassiopeia, a story which I love.

Cassiopeia is the mother of Andromeda, she boasted that both she and her daughter were the most beautiful of all of the Nereids which angered Poseidon who threatened to flood Ethiopia, to cut a long story short, Andromeda was going to be sacrificed but was saved by Perseus who she married. Poseidon still believed that Cassiopeia should be punished so he tied her legs to a chair and she dangles upside down in the heavens with her dress covering her face so even though she's holding a mirror she can never see her reflection again.

In star terms, Cassiopeia is always visible in the northern hemisphere as it is so near to the pole star and even though I live in the city where light pollution is bad, I can always see Cassiopeia so everytime I glance upon her I'll know I'm with my family and my dog.

Now here's the best part, would you like to name your very own star?  Star Name Registry are giving one of their extra bright star packages worth £24.99 to one of you lovely readers and here's all you have to do, leave a comment below "I want to win a star because..." and I'll choose the best entry on 31/3/17 and that person will win and get to name their own start and you'll receive a certificate, guide to finding the star and a sky atlas.

Looking Back on 11 Years of Blogging

Today my blog is 11 years old, 11 years, it's a quarter of my life and I can't really put into words just what an achievement it feels like to have gotten to today.  When I tentatively wrote my first post there's no way I could have possibly imagined that I would still be sitting here today typing in anger with my noisy, heavy fingers, I type quickly and I almost punch the keyboard with my digits as I tell my stories of love, life, travel, adventures, parenting, mental health and the rest of the giant cornucopia I have created and curated over the years.

In this, my daily documentation of sometimes everything that I am, I have laughed with you all, I have wept in the darker moments as I pounded my keyboard wanting to get the words out so they didn't hurt anymore.  I have written at 3 am when tipsy and at 5 am when my teenagers were toddlers and loved nothing better than to get up at quite frankly unreasonable hours of the day!

I remember writing with joy when Paul and I renewed our vows after 10 happy years of marriage and I also recall the sadness of the day when I had to write that he had left.  This weblog really is the story of my life, but not just my life, the life of a family, the life and death of a marriage and the rebirth of a woman dealing with her own mental health issues on a day to day basis.  There have been times when I censored myself and only wrote about the good things but it feels so much better now to be real all of the time, luckily even in the dark times I can usually manage a little humour and this is me in my actual life, I can still find humour in darkness, I think it's possibly that which gets you through the bad days and tough times.

Just lately, or at least for the last 6 months as I've seen my readership rise and rise it's become clear that I have found my niche, I'd love my niche to be travel because I love writing about travel and I do when I can but it's obvious now, what I excel at writing about is dating and relationships, it's not even necessarily mine, it's just a topic I seem to be able to write about with ease.  It's the perfect subject and there's no end of stories to write about, I'm certainly thankful for dating sites and for friends who are happy to share their stories and not mind at all that I write about them.  They all think it's hilarious that it's only now, nearly 20 years after Sex and the City that I'm watching it thinking "ooh, that Carrie, she's writing about the same kinds of things that I do" and then realising she wrote it first!

I'm not sure if I shall always write about dating, the great thing about not having one set theme on my blog is that you can write about whatever I want and for the most part I genuinely sit down each night and the words come out, I think whilst I adore photography, writing is perhaps what I was meant to do, it's in my heart and my soul and if I have one goal I want to achieve in the next 5-10 years it's to become a successful writer.  Don't worry though I shall not be giving up photography anytime soon, I feel there's a natural synergy between the two and when they are aligned correctly you have the ability to create something magical and as my friends all call me Magical Mandy it was obviously meant to be!

Taking a moment

I hope you'll forgive me for having a moment, I know, it's my age, right?  Not one of those moments though but I just want to take a moment to say thank you, my blog is continuing to grow every day, on mostly every day I get over 1k hits now and according to my stats I have 5k more readers than I did 6 months ago, this makes me happy, I've really found my writing style over the last couple of years and next week on the 28th my blog will officially be 11 years old!

This place where I come to collect my thoughts and make sense of the world, this place where I share the best and the worst of my life, mostly though I just ramble, it's somewhat of a talent of mine you know!  I'm not someone who is constantly thinking about the future, I try to live each day like it might be my last, a life of no regrets, lots of mistakes but no regrets because everything I am now is a result of the journey it took to get me here.

In January I made more income from writing than I did from photography for the first time ever and that in itself is a huge achievement because there's a big difference between the photography and writing industries and I'm really just at the start of my writing career despite doing it for longer than photography!!

Today we, that's Harriet, Looby, Abigail and I are off to the Scarborough Sealife Centre for an exclusive event, look out for news about that next week, I also have so much writing to catch up on, places I've been, events I've experienced and some fab new products to share too.   Tonight my best girls, Harriet, Laura and Li are all going to be with me and we are going to have a long overdue catch up followed by dancing at Madame Koo, I have a newfound love of the real world, I suspect because we're on the slow rise into spring and my zest for life is returning after the long dark winter, in this last week, I've seen 2 musicals, 2 comedy shows, went dancing and even kissed a boy, here's to more weeks like last week rather than the week before.

Ooh, I went back to Twitter this week, I know I said a month but I just need it for my business, however, it's now taking approximately 20 minutes a day rather than 20 hours a day, I don't have a lot of chats but I have so many goals to achieve I can't really afford to sit chatting on there, I'm choosing real life over online life (I know, I'm a blogger, that's an oxymoron at the very least) every single day of the week.  I've also been thinking about what happens when I do meet someone, do I go into hiding and never speak about it on my blog or do I just continue to be me and write about it, well I'm not exactly sure what the answer is but if I meet someone who doesn't already know about my blog I figure I'll just not tell them, I'll keep them off social media and then maybe a couple of years in I'll tell them, haha!  Maybe it's just safer if I meet someone who already knows about my blog?  Obviously, we have to find each other first and that's an adventure I'll definitely keep writing about!

Meanwhile on Tinder

When I woke up at 9.45am this morning I suddenly realised I'd once again failed at writing a blog post in preparation for today, to coin a phrase I am something of a blog numpty at the moment, it's the damn transitional times when to be quite frank, nothing is really happening, most people think I live a life of Carrie from Sex in the City but actually, the reality is that for the most part, I live a pretty quiet life, some days it's harder to blog than others because nothing happens and I can't imagine 30,000+ people turning up every month to read the tales of a lady who gets up every day, does a little work, has some toast, walks her dog, does a little more work, watches too many movies and goes to bed, even Dickens couldn't make a bestseller out of that!!

It's true, I live a life of vicarious adventures through the movies I watch and in the way that I write, even I think my life sounds more exciting when I read some of my blog posts back, it really is a shame that I didn't ride off into the sunset on the back of a white stallion with Mr France, I am thankful though because of all of the things I've ever written about, that was my favourite chapter so far, if nothing else, it helped me be a much better writer and in some ways he fixed me and showed me there was life post marriage.  Still sad though I guess as, and I'm going to say this out loud, I HATE dating, I know it's supposed to be fun but it really isn't when you are in your forties. 

I hope you'll forgive me but I strayed back onto Tinder late last night, it's not that I'm looking to meet anyone right now but a little window shopping never hurt anyone and let's be fair, Tinder is a game, it's window shopping for grown ups and it's about a million more times exciting than doing your weekly online shop at Waitrose.  

Ok, so I swipe left way more than I should for someone of my age and status but I'm nothing if not picky, I mean, given some of my past choices you might argue with that but no, I definitely have a type and although I may have changed from favouring clean shaven to loving the bearded sorts I'm mostly unwavering, tall, dark (or blonde) and a little bit geeky gets me every single time, I can't help it, I'm definitely more brains over beauty but at the same time I'm quite visual so it always helps when my face likes their face!

I've dipped in and out of Tinder a few times in the last year or so and I've had approximately 3 matches in that time, whilst my friends seem to get matches every 30 seconds, it's the curse of all of my friends being younger than me and suitably more glamorous I suspect but for now at least it's something to entertain me on the dark stormy nights, I'm not even sure I've ever had a conversation on Tinder but I hold out some hope at least that there's a high functioning man who'd like to date a quirky lady and have adventures in my time machine as we fly across galaxies exploring multiverses and eating way too much cake with china cups of Earl Grey tea.

So that was Wednesday ladies and gents, I went to an event, drank 2 cocktails, watched a movie or two and caught up on The Flash and Supergirl, oh and walked Holly Bobbins in the spring like sunshine where I took the above selfie whilst singing loudly amongst the trees, oh and Nelly said to me last night, "I love your blog, I have to read it every day because it's better than a soap opera"  Well Nelly, soap operas must have gone down hill a lot in the last few years, that's all I'm saying!!

I've Made A Decision

Sometimes in life the hardest thing is to live in a fog, you can't see ahead of you and sometimes in the thickest fogs you can barely breathe, that's how parts of this year have seemed so far, thankfully we're only just over a month in and so I'm fairly certain that the other 11 have the potential to be brilliant beyond brilliant.

I spoke to Harriet last night about the medication predicament, up the dosage, be immune to love, unhappiness and the human condition but also lose laughter, feeling and be numb to almost everything including my children  and at the heart of it, they were the most surprised when I started laughing, it never even occurred to me that I hadn't laughed in 10 years.

I have a very weird love/hate relationship with social media, Facebook has always been my constant because it's where my real friends are, the people I love, the ones closest to my heart and I know that with all of the support I've received in the last few years it's not something I would want to be without, other than that though I fall in and out of love with most other forms of social media and being trying to be present on all of them saps both my energy and my time so it was whilst I was lying in my purple fluffy nest during yesterday's amazing Reiki session with Susan that I came to a huge decision.  I need to get some time back to refocus, I need to sort out my psyche, my business and my personal life, I want to live more in the real world and away from the constant microscopic examination of Twitter et al.

Obviously, I can't just give up social media or dramatically delete it, I do still need it for my career but what I can do is go on a digital diet, that means I get more time back for me, I can keep in touch with those closest to me via other means so I'm reining in my tweeting and going back to basics and this means I can concentrate on the things that matter, I have big aspirations where blogging is concerned and this is going to be my year when writing and photography lead to great things, I know it in my heart but that's not going to happen without a lot of hard work, I have a domain I bought at Christmas and I need to build the website for that,  I can't do that when I'm blabbering on Twitter about absolutely nothing!  

I've got the whole weekend off and I plan to take some time to reconfigure, work out what the important next steps are I need to take, both in life and in business, my future looks so bright and shiny but I'll be the first to admit I need to get a little help so yesterday I self-referred to Talking Helps in Newcastle, a much quicker and more effective way to have therapy than the last time when it took pretty much 2 years of fighting.  When I came out of my last relationship, I ended up being the woman with such low self-esteem, very little self-worth and my self-assurance was ultimately completely ruined.  I thought I had gotten that all back but it's only in the last few months that I've realised and I'm going to quote Ru Paul here because, why shouldn't I? "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love someone else?"

I spend a lot of my life blagging confidence and sparkle and really, I'm either being very silly or very serious and there's not a lot in between, it's not that I'm lying it's just that I'm trying to convince myself I'm not so broken, I realise in the last few weeks I've decided to just own the fact that I'm messed up but wouldn't it be the dream to really be those things, to have self-esteem and self-worth, to really feel as self-assured as I would like to, well maybe I won't be able to reverse the damage completely but I think there's a fair chance I can at least feel good enough for myself and not be too much of a nightmare to date either.

So here's to the weekend and here's to the future, a future of good things, happy things and productive things and more time in the real world, walking in the sunshine, feeling the warm glow on my skin accompanied by a happy beagle and even more so here's to more weekends with real people, good people, people who fill my heart and soul with joy, let's call them friends, close friends, my wonderful friends.

20 Fun Facts About Me!

It's still Twixtmas and I have to say that I am loving the Christmas holidays, yes there's been the odd moment of bittersweet loneliness but it's passed much more quickly and that is because I am of course happy.

Since we're coming to the end of the year I thought I would divert a little and as I've gained lots of new readers of late (hello out there) I thought I would come up with a list of things, you might not know about me or maybe a list that tries to encapsulate who I am in a nutshell, I'm sure there are things I'm going to forget but lets see how far I get...

1. I love Philosophy, I mention bits and pieces in blog posts when I feel it's relevant and I'm a huge fan of Greek mythology, I think lots of the stories are relevant in our lives now, I'm not sure if I believe that the original stories actually happened or if they're just great analogies to help people live good lives and make wise choices, my favourite stories are that of Cassiopia, Sysiphus, and Orpheus and I'm always intrigued by the storiy of Oedipus although that's more to do with Psychology and having daughters I can completely relate to the story of Electra, I may have even been subjected to the Electra complex when Abigail went through her hating mum stage at around the age of 5 and suggested that she and her daddy make poisoned perfume for mammy!  I kid you not!

2. I love talking about time travel and the theories of multiverses, it's probably why my favourite TV show is The Flash.

3. See above point, I adore superheroes, my favourites being The Flash, and Supergirl, also a big fan of Superman.

4. I love shoes, I mean I really love them, the saddest day was when I had to sell all of my Irregular Choice shoes on Ebay, however I'm now pleased to report that I do have a couple of pairs which fit.

5. I sing often, actually I sing all of the time and my close friends know that if I stop singing it's probably a sign that there's something wrong.

6. When there is something wrong, for example if I'm cross or cranky or even a crabby old fish face, I can usually be made to smile and relax with the gentle introduction of cake and perhaps a hug.

7. My love for musical theatre is true and undying, in another multiverse I am a leading lady on Broadway.

8. I once auditioned for Michael Barrymore's My Kind of People, I wasn't successful thank goodness

9. I always have access to emergency cake or chocolate, it's a basical fundamental skill, right now my handbag contains chocolate coins, and everyone knows that chocolate coins are the highest form or bribery and not just for children!

10. My achilles heel is loneliness but I'm working on that and mostly it's only passing moments now rather than days or weeks of feeling like I'm in a barren unloved wilderness.

11.  Every night I make a wish on the first star I see, you should try it too!

12. When I lie in bed every night I try to be thankful for the good things that have happened.

13.  I cry more now than I have done for 12 or so years but it's not a bad thing and it's mostly due to feeling so happy that I want to burst, I absolutely embrace each tear.

14.  I can go from intelligent and reasonably high functioning to completely absurd and ridiculous in 3 easy moves and certain people bring this out in me more than others, lets just say that people like Harriet and Mr France encourage my whimsical side.

15.  I am thankful for bipolar because it makes me the person that I am today and I doubt I would be so wildly creative without it, that doesn't mean it's not a challenge to live with but I guess it's about recognising your makeup, not letting it define you and embracing it.

16.  Since September I have truly embraced myself more than ever before, my children notice the laughter, the silliness and the general fun that has returned to my life and my home, they delight in giving me withering looks or just laughing with (or at) me.

17.  My favourite colour is Emerald Green, I suspect it's got something to do with the Wizard of Oz but I can always be guaranteed to cut a dash when I wear green.

18.  Music is one of the most important things in my life, I listen to it every day and sing along at the top of my voice, I often dance along the street with headphones in and if I think no one is around I'll sing out loud, this to me is how life should be.

19.  I'm very good at euphemisms but mostly they're completely accidental, when I try to think of them it doesn't work quite so well so please don't ask, just let it happen or you can of course follow me on Twitter where every day is a euphemism.

20.  My favourite time of day to write blog posts is late at night as I have just proved, I have written more blogposts at 11pm at night than at any other time of day in nearly 11 years.

I hope that you have enjoyed my 20 whimsical facts about me, sometimes it's good to do something just for fun and in this list I have definitely achieved that.

So I went on a Skype Date...

I'll let you into a secret, I have a phone phobia, I hate using the phone and if anyone calls me other than my children and Harriet, I usually avoid picking it up!  The thought of having a conversation on Skype was more than a little terrifying and the thought of a Skype date was possibly one of the scariest things I've ever done, I was so nervous and probably more rambly than ever to start with, I could feel my heart beating way faster than it should have been, I'd propped my Macbook up on a box on the kitchen table to eliminate double chins because if you sit and speak to someone and your laptop is on your lap, well that's not a great angle at all is it?!

Of course, I needn't have worried, not even a bit, I think Mr France was more worried about how I would react to his charmingly bohemian beard in virtual real life, he calls it scruffy, I think it just adds character.  If I had to describe Mr France right now I'd say he's got one of those friendly smiley faces that you feel comfortable and at ease straightaway,  he's a good mix of geek plus bohemian and it kind of just works, his square-framed glasses suit his face and compliment his beard in an attractive geek chic type of way, that's not the best part of Mr France though because the best part is his personality and lets remember a box, however sparkly is really just a box if it doesn't have any contents, Mr France is even more lovely and fun packed on the inside.

I have not laughed on a date as much as I laughed last night, I laughed until at one point I couldn't catch my breath, he has a comedic presence when telling a tale, reminiscent of Peter Kaye, well if you imagine Peter Kaye as a slim, pocket-sized, quintessentially English gentleman.  I told him I would have hugged him if our date had been in real life and I think he may have attempted to do the same which really doesn't work over Skype, you can take that from me 😉  

We talked on Skype for so long that my battery nearly died so I had to carry him up the stairs very gently to plug him in and when it came to midnight and I had to go and he did too I felt a tinge of sadness because we were both having such a great evening.  Chatting for over 3 hours on Skype when you've never met before is quite a unique experience and by the end I was even relaxing into myself, he did say at one point that I wasn't as eccentric as he thought I might be but I told him I was on my best behaviour and also it's really hard for me because when I have spoken to men or tried to date them it's very rare that they actually get me and I always find I have to try to keep the real me inside. This just isn't the case with Mr France and I knew when he didn't run away screaming during my explanation of why Bananas are suspicious, sinister and must never be eaten that I'd found someone just a little special!  He did laugh but that's totally permitted and actively encouraged.

We talked for hours about everything, some things serious, some things not and it felt to me like it was a two way thing, I stopped and listened as much as I spoke, I got excited that we had things which we have exactly the same views on and then it's lovely that we have some areas that we are polar opposites (how can someone not love glitter?).  I think we could have a never ending conversation about all kinds of things and that's incredibly attractive.  I hope that he had just as much fun as me and that he feels the same, I think he does but you know I'm the queen of over analysis and second guessing, I went to bed smiling though and had the best nights sleep!

I'm not really sure what happens now, hopefully, more Skype dates and lovely shared experiences and hopefully if I end up in London for business or pleasure and he can get to London too then we can meet in glorious technicolour huggable real life,  maybe I'll even make it to Kent next year and there's obviously an open invitation if he ever wants to come to Newcastle.  I'd love to take him to some of my favourite places and I'd have no problem introducing him to Holly or my friends because if you fail to get along with Mr France you clearly have some kind of weird mind issues, he's adorable (Ssh, we'll just keep that among ourselves, we wouldn't want him getting a big head).

If you've never had a Skype date before then you should definitely go for it and if you're looking to date, maybe don't just stick with the safe man around the corner because there's just a chance that if you cast your net just a little wider you might just happen upon someone truly extraordinary.

The Best Is Yet To Come

It's late, the lights are low and twinkling and I'm tucked up in bed thinking what a great day it's been today, It's been quite a long work day but a good work day, I've photographed a 5 day old adorable baby, I've blogged my heart out this morning and you dear readers gave me some great feedback, it's so amazing how you're all so happy for me, in truth that post was actually 2 draft posts and I sort of combined them as I'd been collecting my thoughts over the last few weeks about how I felt and then yesterday just kind of happened!

Telling Mr France how I was feeling meant I also had to break the news to Bob T-Builder that as lovely as our lunch was, I couldn't have dinner with him, ladies there's a very lovely property developer looking to find someone just north of Newcastle...

The real truth about Mr France is that he makes me laugh and smile, and even his presence in my life genuinely brings out the best in me.  Oh and if you're wondering just how he came to be Mr France, well it's all thanks to lovely Laura and the fact that he lives nearer to France than he does to Newcastle, handily enough, I adore the Cote d'Azure (not a euphemism).

I had more good news today from my colleagues over at Huffington Post UK, I'd wondered where my blog post I submitted last week had gone to, I of course, as ever, assumed the worst but tried not to be too downhearted thinking "Oh well, it was just my first attempt" only to receive an email asking me if I minded them holding it back so they could put it on the front page on Friday, I can't even believe just how lucky that is, my very first article on the front page of the Huffington Post, I'm going to have to add that to my Linkedin, my CV (whatever that is) and pretty much just stop random people on the street to tell them, I'm sure they won't mind!

I find myself surrounded by the most amazing people currently, I have the best friends who encourage me as much as I encourage them and in my whole life, I have never felt quite so confident in my abilities as I do now. I honestly do believe that next year is going to be something truly special, I've just spent so long healing at my own pace, I didn't rush into anything and for me dating someone far away is perfect, it means I can't rush into anything and it means I have the ability to be able to cherish any time we do actually get together whilst still getting on with my super busy life and career the rest of the time.  Oh, and you know what?  I just mentioned my career, yes I think I'm back on it, I haven't thought of myself as a leading successful business woman for a while, possibly not since I was married but a conversation tonight made me realise, you know what?  I'm not in this for the heck of it, my blog might be where I share my innermost thoughts and feelings but I want it to lead somewhere because I want to be able to write and photograph every single day for the rest of my life. I have big things I want to achieve and I believe that I'm only just at the start of my life or maybe it's the start of my second life, well I don't mind as long as long as I win this time and with the people in my life right now, there's just no doubt about it!

When You Wish Upon A Star

Today, I was delighted to receive confirmation that I'd been accepted as a writer by Huffington Post UK, if you don't know of Huff Post, well, you must have been living in a cave, in the mountains somewhere near the Himalayas, Huffington Post is massive and now I get to write for them, I might have jumped up and down, I may have even squealed a little! 😉  The main question on people's lips is what I'm going to write about, well, to be honest, I don't have a brief and I can write as often or as little as I'd like, I'm going to aim for once a month and will no doubt concentrate on my current speciality subjects, the parenting of teens and dating, I had wondered about writing anonymously so that I could say some things I can't say on here but I have no doubt that someone somewhere would find it and also what's the point of writing anonymously when the main point is to grow your readership and further your career.

For some time now I've set my career goals on writing, it's not that I don't want to continue to be a professional photographer, I mean that's not exactly a title that can be withdrawn but with a houseful of teenagers and animals I need to work extra hard and there are only so many portrait sessions you can shoot every weekend without becoming physically and mentally exhausted and I know because this happened to me in the year when I was shooting 10 sessions on a Saturday, 10 on a Sunday and having all of the images edited and the galleries live by a Monday.  The joy of writing is that you can do it from anywhere and as I've said in the past, when the kids don't need me to be here any longer, my goal is to be a digital nomad, I'd love to have met someone by then that I can share that adventure with, maybe in a cute little VW campervan?

Anyway, I digress, my current situation is that winter is once again coming and this year my plan is to write, write with all of my heart, my passion and my life, I want to tell the world my story but as my story changes and evolves from week to week I find that I sometimes can't keep up!  I have several unfinished posts and just lately I've also started to write some posts I've written just for me so they're just going to lay in my drafts until such a day when I can share them, maybe I won't ever be able to but they're part of a journey I'm on and should everything work out in the long term it would be amazing to be able to publish them in retrospect.  Sorry if I'm being vague, bear with me as it's all I have right now.

You know, I have always loved social media because of its immediacy and I being an immediate sort of girl who lives in the moment and always wears her heart on her sleeve find it's such a brilliant way to get instant feedback, it's also easier to delete a post if I suddenly realise I've essentially just said something completely stupid or ridiculous, what, me, say something ridiculous? I hear you ask, why yes, I know it's hard to believe...

So, here's the current plan, I know what I want in my future and every night I stand outside and I wish on a star - 

Starlight, Star bright, 

I wish I may, I wish I might,

have this wish I wish tonight

yes, I, Mandy Charlton, aged 42 years really do that but you should never underestimate the power of a wish to the stars or the universe, they've been around for millions of years after all!  I do tend to wish for the same thing every night for a little consistency and no, I'm not going to tell you what it is because that would be a wish breaker.  What I will say is that I've been asking the stars for many years and always been terribly grateful to get the things I've asked for, I do of course always say thank you!

So what's around the corner I just can't say but I know the stars are listening and it's just a matter of time and patience, now out you go, if it's a clear and twinkly night tonight, just stand outside and make your wish and you just never know what might happen, you just have to promise though that if your wishes truly do come true you'll come right back here and tell me all about it.