It's late, the lights are low and twinkling and I'm tucked up in bed thinking what a great day it's been today, It's been quite a long work day but a good work day, I've photographed a 5 day old adorable baby, I've blogged my heart out this morning and you dear readers gave me some great feedback, it's so amazing how you're all so happy for me, in truth that post was actually 2 draft posts and I sort of combined them as I'd been collecting my thoughts over the last few weeks about how I felt and then yesterday just kind of happened!

Telling Mr France how I was feeling meant I also had to break the news to Bob T-Builder that as lovely as our lunch was, I couldn't have dinner with him, ladies there's a very lovely property developer looking to find someone just north of Newcastle...

The real truth about Mr France is that he makes me laugh and smile, and even his presence in my life genuinely brings out the best in me.  Oh and if you're wondering just how he came to be Mr France, well it's all thanks to lovely Laura and the fact that he lives nearer to France than he does to Newcastle, handily enough, I adore the Cote d'Azure (not a euphemism).

I had more good news today from my colleagues over at Huffington Post UK, I'd wondered where my blog post I submitted last week had gone to, I of course, as ever, assumed the worst but tried not to be too downhearted thinking "Oh well, it was just my first attempt" only to receive an email asking me if I minded them holding it back so they could put it on the front page on Friday, I can't even believe just how lucky that is, my very first article on the front page of the Huffington Post, I'm going to have to add that to my Linkedin, my CV (whatever that is) and pretty much just stop random people on the street to tell them, I'm sure they won't mind!

I find myself surrounded by the most amazing people currently, I have the best friends who encourage me as much as I encourage them and in my whole life, I have never felt quite so confident in my abilities as I do now. I honestly do believe that next year is going to be something truly special, I've just spent so long healing at my own pace, I didn't rush into anything and for me dating someone far away is perfect, it means I can't rush into anything and it means I have the ability to be able to cherish any time we do actually get together whilst still getting on with my super busy life and career the rest of the time.  Oh, and you know what?  I just mentioned my career, yes I think I'm back on it, I haven't thought of myself as a leading successful business woman for a while, possibly not since I was married but a conversation tonight made me realise, you know what?  I'm not in this for the heck of it, my blog might be where I share my innermost thoughts and feelings but I want it to lead somewhere because I want to be able to write and photograph every single day for the rest of my life. I have big things I want to achieve and I believe that I'm only just at the start of my life or maybe it's the start of my second life, well I don't mind as long as long as I win this time and with the people in my life right now, there's just no doubt about it!

I'm taking a stand against loneliness and so should you...

I like to have open house dinners for friends on Mondays, I like to cook for whoever turns up at the place I like to call my creative hovel, you may not get a matching plate and sometimes we might run out of forks, sometimes we have wine, sometimes we may visit "youth club" afterwards, what we always have though is a lot of noise and chatter and laughter and we never stand on ceremony.  At Christmas this year once again it will be open house and yes, it may be that I end up with just me and the kids but the point is that no one should be alone at Christmas, or ever in fact.

Sometimes you have to take a stand against something and so i'm taking a stance against loneliness. There's something I feel you need to know about me (just in case you don't already), I love people, I can meet someone and within hours I accept them as if I have known them for years, you can be sure that a couple of weeks later (when I've made sure they're not serial killers) I'll invite them into my creative hovel for Monday nights "Friends for Dinner".  If you haven't received an invite and you're wondering why, it's probably just because I've been meaning to send a group message for ages and never quite get around to it but send me a message,  come along, and bring your pets/kids/partners/friends if you want to.

It wasn't always this way, for seven long years no one came to my house at all, crippled with the fear that I wasn't good enough and neither was my house I just didn't invite anyone or if someone turned up unexpectedly I would go straight out with them or make them sit in the garden and you know what?  I think they may have been the loneliest years of my life.

Over the last decade of my life even in the company of others I've suffered from bouts of crippling loneliness and not necessarily because I was lonely in the literal sense, you see the thing is that loneliness isn't just about proximity, sometimes it's about what goes on in your heart, sometimes you can be in a room full of people and still feel abject loneliness,  I've thought about this for a while and I have to admit to one or two leaky tears escaping their way down my cheeks while writing this, but I have a big heart and like to make others feel loved and enveloped by friendship, not in a crazy stalker way although it might seem strange at first if you're used to having to cautiously build up bonds over time, yeah, standoffish and aloof, it's just not me and I can't change that, nor would I ever want to.

I guess that it's my aim to fight against loneliness, not just for me but for others, we all lead increasingly busy lives, we all seem permanently affixed to our phones and tablets, well worry no more, we have a ton of chargers and superfast internet at my house, can't make a Monday?  Well why not come on another day of the week, my house is far from perfect but it's full of love and cosy blankets, some would say too many cosy blankets!!

You can sit on a sofa, enjoy wine around the table, you can even sit on the bounciest most wonderful mattress in the world in my bedroom if you want to (thanks Eve).  You can read a book, you can listen to music, you can do whatever you want but come, don't be lonely or worry you'll not really be welcome because to put it quite simply, life is too short to be lonely.

This year, lets be more lovely, less lonely, more Hygge, more cosy, more twinkly and whole lot more sparkly together.  

Lets just radiate love and smiles from our faces and hearts and see what comes back in return, I'm guessing there's bound to be one or two cuddles in there.

Welcome to Summer...

Sitting on my bed working dear reader, the light is dim and the central heating is whirring in the background, you'd be forgiven for thinking that I'm actually writing this during the month of November but heck, no, it's blooming June, flaming June, bright and sunny June....

My new lovely hair thanks to my amazing friend Steve, Looby calls him Stylist Steve, I think he's got magic haircutting fingers.

These last few weeks have offered many challenges and I ended up with an enforced weekend off due to less than perfect weather conditions.  I wonder if it's because I've not been shooting so many weddings this year, usually June is glorious unlike August, statistically the wettest month of the year, one can only dread what's going to happen this year if even June is letting us down!  So here's the thing, the rest of the week looks quite quiet and then on Saturday I have 2 portrait photo shoots, a 3 hour wedding and a 2 hour ruby wedding anniversary party to photograph and then Sunday I have more portraits, Monday I have portraits, this continues right up until Looby breaks up and we have our summer holidays, weather, you have a couple of days to get your act together and then you must let the sun shine through, the clouds must disappear and all of the fine rain which sticks to your clothes and skin must kindly stop for around 9 weeks, in fact actually if it was just nice until around Christmas Eve that would be perfect.  Oh heck, now look what it's made me do, I've just made my first mention of that C word, forgive my kitchen French and lets say no more about it....

Holly with horns, there's a scary thought!

Moving swiftly on and I have to say that apart from the weather related incidents life is pretty good at the moment, it's a gentle pace and I won't win any prizes for my rockstar lifestyle but I'm pretty content and happy and so are the kids and the menagerie I seem to cultivate.

Holly continues to be the laziest beagle in the world, yesterday she decided to get up at lunchtime, we went to Morpeth for lunch to celebrate my 8th Business birthday and as it was raining she went once around the town centre before deciding she'd had enough.  This morning I coaxed her out of bed at half ten but just to get her down the stairs took more effort than it should, she's definitely a teenager now!

So, 3 weeks on Friday and we're off to Edinburgh, Iain is delighted to get rid of us for a couple of weeks, we bought our rail tickets but we didn't buy returns because we don't know where we're going to go for the second week but to be honest I don't really care, as long as there's Looby, Holly and I I'm going to be delighted.

Looby goes to St Marys for 2 days next week and she's dreading it, she still says she doesn't want to ever leave Benton Park and I do know how she feels, when Looby leaves I'll have been a parent at that school for 15 years, it really does feel like the end of an era and the jury is still out on who's going to cry more, her or me!  Every time I think of my youngest child reaching the point of going to secondary school I feel strange, the completion of a life stage I suppose and those early days when all 3 of them were small and the days and nights seemed endless from lack of sleep and I guess I had moments where I wished them to be older, we all do that don't we on the bad days?  If I could stop time for a while right now and have the ability to enjoy some of the best days over and over I'd jump at the chance, I know time travel might not be within my grasp but at least I have the ability to remember the moments through photographs I've taken and those are the things I cherish whilst still leaving enough room in my memory and on wall for cherished moments and adventures yet to come. This last year more than any other has taught me to press record in my mind of the best days so I can replay them to myself on the not so bright days and then if you can recapture that feeling of joy you experienced then, well then you have the ability to always be happy and smile even on the darkest, dullest, and stormiest of June November days.

Impatiently waiting for spring

I don't know about you dear reader but I am so sick of the cold, central heating and having to go out wearing a hat, scarf and gloves.  I am yearning for spring with all of my heart, warm sunny days where you can leave your coat at home.

I woke up with a sigh to see damp and frost on the roofs this morning, this week, to me it's seemed like spring was just on the verge of being sprung but its still been a lot too cold for my liking.  My poor Reynauds fingers and toes are still way too cold and white and sore by the end of long dog walks unless I bundle myself up like a large squidgy marshmallow when I go outdoors.

Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed every minute of feeling the sunshine on my face, I just wish it was a teeny bit warmer.

My Mothers Day sessions on the beach look like they're going to be freezing cold again this year, I shall be wearing 16 pairs of socks and 22 pairs of gloves...(or maybe not).

So universe if you are listening, I know it's not astronomical spring until the 21st of March (I know this because my good friend Darren tells me off every year if I mention that it might be spring before that, it's his birthday on the 21st so early Happy Birthday if you're reading) but if you could just see your way to providing some warm with your sunshine I would love you forever.

One thing I have noticed though is that the crocuses seem to have bloomed everywhere, huge carpets of them, I'm not sure if there's been a mass planting of them when I wasn't looking but I can't remember there being quite so many in previous years.

I'll take any promise of spring at this point, especially today when the mizzle I can see through my window does not look inviting for my 10k steps for the day.

Maybe I knew, I had a bit of a nesting thing yesterday so I must have known that today would be a soup day!

I'm off to meditate to the universe now and along with abundance and peace and vitality I shall also be asking for warm, coatless days and central heatingless evenings!