How David Tennant is going to help me find my soulmate

As many of you know, I have been single now for a very long time, pretty much, I've been a single lady since September 2014.  Partly I was just so damaged that I didn't even dream of going near another human in the dating sense and when I did briefly try in 2016, I found, I was in no capable or emotional state to be able to deal with the basics a decent human relationship requires.

As time has gone on I've started to heal and last year I decided that I would give it a go, I started to go to the pub, I actually opened my eyes to what was out there and even smiled at a person or two but then covid happened and I, like the rest of the world retreated into our prisons of solitude.

One year on from that and I'm so done with being alone, it's made me really question if I can actually spend the rest of my life alone and the answer is, probably but I don't think it would be a lot of fun!  If covid, social distancing and lockdowns have taught us anything it's that humans are not supposed to be alone in the world, we are social creatures and like dogs, we are pack animals, to not only thrive but simply survive we need other people, basic human contact and hugs, the comforting touch of another human is at this point, like winning a gold medal, imagine the serotonin release from hugging people when we all get out of this grim period of history.

For my birthday, Harriet (knowing my love of David Tennant) bought me half size cardboard cut out of The doctor himself and his purpose?  To stand in my kitchen looking off into the distance to inspire me and to help manifest my very own lobster, yes, David Tennant is going to help me find my soulmate.

Now, let me explain further how the online dating landscape is currently.  It does not matter which site you have joined, very few men are actually open to conversation, you need to know I am not a misandrist but without the promise of them getting some action and them actually having to hold conversations, most of them have just gone into hiding.  For me though, dear reader, I blooming love it, it's like dating in the time of Jane Austen, no touching, long conversations and the lost art of letter writing, although that's more message writing and getting a sore finger from tap, tap, tapping on your phone keyboard.

People have said to me in the past that it will just happen when you least expect it, you cannot go looking for love but I don't think that's true, I left it up to chance and 6 years later, I'm still sitting in my cave like a hermit.  I am not Hannah Hauxwell though, I am Mandy and although I'm not the biggest fan of people, I do love my friends, and I actually think I've always functioned at my best when I was happy and in love.  I am a die-hard romantic, always have been, always will be, it's why I still cry when I photograph weddings.  I don't think any amount of damage could stop me believing in true love, love is like oxygen after all.

So, will David Tennant help me find my soulmate?  Well, who knows what will happen in the future but I feel like something magical could be just around the corner and I'm always hopeful.  You can be sure if something does happen, I might not write about it all as that's a double-edged sword too but I guess eventually, I'd have an inability to not say something, I have, after all, written about my life for the last 16 years.  So come on David Tennant, do your thing, stare into the distance and find me the love of my life, you have 12 months or you're going into the cupboard!!

Ways to support my writing

If you have enjoyed this article or found it useful and would like to support my writing I'd love a virtual coffee

I also have a lovely Facebook group I'd love you to come and join 

You could also come and follow me on Instagram to keep up with my adventures, I really am grateful for all

of your love and support.

Oh and of course, you could just treat yourself to something lovely from Philomena's Boutique, my gift boutique

which is diverse, sustainable and totally lush!

The worst week in business and the miracle that saved me

It's early Sunday morning, it's snowing outside but not the good snow, not the abundant soft white flakes you can catch on your tongue.  This is the small gritty stuff which lashes against your skin hurting it with its painfully cold stab of ice, this stuff rarely lies and is not at all the fun stuff we dream of.

If you follow me on social media you'll probably know that A) I was 47 (see photo for the resulting afternoon tea, a present from an anonymous lady who I thank dearly if they're reading this) on Monday and B) this was a week in business where I wanted to hide under a blanket in the corner and never come out.  I had expected that retail would be quiet in January and I'm lucky really as it wasn't quite so bad and orders did come in but without my photography income to sustain me it became a massive juggle between paying bills and restocking the shop.  The truth is if it comes down to it, would any of us choose to do a restock when we can't be sure we can pay for our next gas or electricity?  And when you start having to deal with those kinds of financial conditions you end up in a vicious circle.  You can't afford to restock which means the shop is empty and so no one can shop.  With the best will in the world, you can spend a million on advertising but if there's no product to buy, you will just end up even more broke.

Starting a business of any kind isn't easy dear reader, if anyone tells you it is, they're lying! One lucky thing about photography is that the overheads are lower because I'm not selling a product, I have the equipment and I don't have a studio.  Product-based businesses are expensive to start, especially if you're not making the product yourself.  I was lucky when I started the boutique, the economy was opening up again and I used a bounceback loan to start the boutique rather than invest it into my photography business which might have sustained me for a few months but ultimately it would have run out eventually and I would have gotten to this lockdown with no other business or any form of support at all.

I do not, for one single second regret starting Philomena's Boutique, there are days when my last scrap of sanity was saved by being able to go up to my second-floor office and do some work, my mental health does not allow for sitting and doing nothing, I'm constantly thinking about my next move and I need things to distract me from the anxiety caused by the pandemic, the lockdown and daily life.

My first thought from the bottom of the dark chasm I found myself in was that I could sell, I had the boutique valued by 2 different companies both specialising in Shopify stores and was pleasantly surprised by how much it was already worth after just 8 months but if I sold, realistically, I'd be back to sitting doing nothing and just watching my income stagnate for goodness knows how long.  Now it's a very weird position to be in where you have 36p in your bank account, but you know your business is worth a lot of money, and with my credit score, especially after the financial instability caused by Covid, it was unlikely that I would be able or even capable of paying back any kind of loan.  It was just not a feasible idea.

Thursday came and I burst into tears in my hall upon receiving a letter addressed to "Princess Mandy Charlton" followed shortly after by a collage made for me by Alice, age 9, one of my clients and previous student of my photography classes which I ran during the first lockdown (remember that one, the sunny one).  I'd checked my bank and knew by next week I'd have no money (after having no sales all week) and my gas and electric would be cut off (I have a smart meter which I top up because I was always afraid of big winter bills) and I'd not be able to pay my rent (again, again, again...).  I did know I have friends who wouldn't let me be without gas, electric or even food but I'm a proud independent warrior woman, I'm full of hope and even at my deepest, darkest moment, I kept repeating "everything will be okay".  I said my affirmations every single day feeling like a fraud as I laughably told the universe I was welcoming more income into my life and that I was abundant and everything was okay, better than okay...

And then a miracle happened, I had a message through my website to apply for Shopify Capital, now let me say, Shopify Capital is a bit mysterious, you can't apply for it, they just contact you when you reach some kind of threshold, no one really knows what that is and even if you are invited to apply, there's still no guarantee you'll be accepted.  So, for anyone who doesn't know what it is, basically, they lend you a sum and then they take back a percentage of your daily sales so that on the slow days you don't have to pay anything if you haven't made anything.  I received 3 offers and chose the one I thought would help and in less than 24 hours I was accepted and it hit my bank so I could restock the boutique.  This funding stream has almost certainly saved my business as well as securing my future and once you're in their program they will keep helping you to build so you can be as big as you dream.

My dream is that one day, I'll have a little shop with a flat above it, it will be on a cobbled path leading down to the beach and I'll also maintain my heavy web presence and keep nurturing the wonderful community who have continued to support me since the very first day I opened Philomena's Boutique.  When lockdown ends and people start booking weddings and photoshoots, all of the income from that will be funnelled into the boutique so that one day I can retire happily from a long and wonderful career in photography.  I want to buy a caravan next to the sea that I can rent out to families at a reasonable cost so that when things get too much they can escape for a weekend by the sea and forget about their worries, just for a while.  That was my dream for Inspire when I was there but I really feel I have the chance of achieving it now. Oh, and yeah, I'll probably be in debt now until I'm 475, don't think that everything is rosy because I could scare you in 15 minutes with the financial mess covid has caused, you can't lose almost an entire years income without it having an effect on your life.

Ways to support my writing

If you have enjoyed this article or found it useful and would like to support my writing I'd love a virtual coffee

I also have a lovely Facebook group I'd love you to come and join 

You could also come and follow me on Instagram to keep up with my adventures, I really am grateful for all

of your love and support.

Oh and of course, you could just treat yourself to something lovely from Philomena's Boutique, my gift boutique

which is diverse, sustainable and totally lush!

The thoughts of a woman who craves to travel

It's Wednesday night, it's perpetually thrown it down with an icy rain since Monday night and it's been the blandest day of February I can ever remember.  I'm watching the first episode of Joanna Lumley's Home Sweet Home and within about 5 minutes that familiar itchy feet feeling has returned, I crave to travel and right now, I crave to travel anywhere that's more than a few miles from my front door.

I've written before, dear reader, that I came to travelling quite late in life, well at least overseas travel, where the UK is concerned I have traversed as far and wide as I could as often as I could.  We live in this magnificent country, steeped in history with the most beautiful views at every turn.  There are very few of us who have to travel more than a few miles to find something historic or beautiful or both.  It might be an amazing part of a city or an incredibly beautiful scene in a rural location, the UK is simply amazing.

Last year when we were safe to travel I spent 2 weeks walking in the Lake District and then later on at the end of the summer I spent 10 days in the Scottish Highlands, both trips were completely on my own and unlike when I'm stuck at home alone, I was not lonely, even for one minute because travel was all of the company I needed.

On my trip to the Highlands, I learnt the joy of taking an organised trip which meant that I got to experience even more than I could ever have dreamt of and because of travel restrictions, no trips were busy and I never had to sit next to anyone I didn't know (hurrah).

I think this year I shall take more coach trips and I don't even care if they're filled with others who are much older than me.  I don't drive and I like to drink in the views when I travel so a slow bus with not too many other people is now my idea of a dream, well in this country. I'd go for a cruise right now but I reckon it might be a while yet before they're safe to go on.  The only thing I think I miss when I travel alone is a companion to have dinner and drinks in the evenings with, it's not that I am scared to have dinner on my own but having a gin alone isn't quite so much fun as having drinks with someone you love whether that be a friend or family or a life partner (and I'm on a mission this year to find myself one of those).

I will never regret the travel I did last year because if I hadn't gone, I wouldn't have had the memories and the photos I can console myself with on these long lockdown days alone. I've often said how I don't buy souvenirs on trips (other than the occasional fridge magnet) but I do take a lot of photos and for me, that's what it's about, I travel as light as I can, I find the best views and I look at old photos on the down days, the dark days, the days when you feel you can't go on.  There have been too many of them during this lockdown but at least I am writing again, trying to find my groove and most of all, distracting myself with memories of past trips whilst also thinking about where I'll go first when this last (hopefully) lockdown is finally over.

I have 2 vouchers, both for 2 nights accommodation and I haven't decided whether to use them all in Scotland (because it fills my heart and soul) or whether to be daring and head for Cornwall, one of the few places that I've never experienced, Belfast and Northern Ireland are also on my list for this year, I must take my own photo of the Dark Hedges in County Antrim, one of the amazing Game of Thrones locations.

In this long, dark, arduous, lonely lockdown when very little makes sense and my photography career is like some kind of weird dream, I think travel and the inspiration it provides is one of the few things keeping me going right now.  I don't wish to get too maudlin but I have days lately where my first thought upon waking is when can I go back to bed?  The days are endless and being trapped inside your own thoughts without any other humans for days, well it almost feels like a punishment.  To be honest, at the moment I have no idea how I'm ever going to pay for travel again but I also hope that once lockdown lifts that people will start planning weddings again, they will come out into the sunshine and want big family portrait sessions and with that money I will invest a lot of it into my gift boutique but the rest, well if there's anything else, I shall save it for as much travel as I can possibly cram in.  

I've reached a part in my life where I really only have my cats to answer to, Abigail and Looby both live their own magnificent independent lives, Looby would prefer to be with the horses and Abi, though we do love to travel together, she also has her own life.  I used to believe I could only travel if it was with one of them, that it was selfish to travel on my own but really, it was selfish to expect them to travel with me and enjoy the same things that I do.  I hope in the future we'll travel sometimes together but I'll never make anyone have fun or adventures against their own will.

Ways to support my writing

If you have enjoyed this article or found it useful and would like to support my writing I'd love a virtual coffee

I also have a lovely Facebook group I'd love you to come and join 

You could also come and follow me on Instagram to keep up with my adventures, I really am grateful for all

of your love and support.

Oh and of course, you could just treat yourself to something lovely from Philomena's Boutique, my gift boutique

which is diverse, sustainable and totally lush!