Photographer of Families, Small People and Delightful Places. Travel and Lifestyle Writer and Blogger. Lives in Newcastle, Loves the North, Often Accompanied By A Beagle Named Holly Bobbins

Friday, November 10, 2006

Clinging on to sanity for dear life.

I need to write this so I have a permanent record and to try and get my head straight for fear that if I don't I'll be in a bi-polar spiral quicker than you can say "grab some Lithium" I don't actually take Lithium by the way, I didn't want to when all the consequences and side-effects were explained to me. anyway thats by the by.

I took the vitriolic letter from my parents to my therapist yesterday, we spent an hour discussing it and reached the conclusion that my families love for me is completely conditional on me towing the family line, this of course is no surprise for my mum and dad but to say this for my granny is a shock, however it's also completely true. My therapist said that my family would probably step up pressure until we either broke all ties with them or we gave in, the second isn't really an option though because if I do it again, it's just going to go on and on and on, the way it has my entire life.

So Iain rang his grandma to ask her to sponsor him last night whereupon she asked him when he would get the money, he said he would collect it at the weekend when he went with the girls, at this point she gives the phone to dad who proceeds to tell Iain that they won't be seeing him again until they can see them seperately. So Paul who is steaming mad grabs the phone and asks them just what they're playing at, the upshot is unless we cave they want nothing more to do with us or their grandchildren. Paul tried to get a emergency type meeting set up where they can come accross here and see the children over the weekend but of course thats no good as Mum refuses to come to our house. you know, if it was my grandchildren, I would travel to the ends of the earth to see them even if it was only for 5 minutes. So in the end I grab the phone, tell my dad that they need to grow up, get some therapy and that I'm not ever letting them hurt our children or mess with their feelings again.

We sat the children down last night and explained as best we could what was going on, obviously Iain and Abigail were upset, Looby bless her hasn't a clue whats going on. Oh and of course granny won't have us at her house because we're so wicked so the children won't see her either.

I haven't cried about this though I've been near to tears ever since, the thing is that if I do start crying I just don't know if I would stop.

During my childhood and adulthood my parents have done some terrible and abusive things to me, things which have affected me through my whole life but I always say, you start messing with my children and thats another matter entirely.

I write this today with a heavy heart and I guess I start to mourn the loss of my family and face the facts before me. I thank God for the wonderful husband and children, for the glorious friendships which without my mothers interference I have been atlast able to make, it may take a while but we'll get there in the end.

Thanks for listening.
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7 comments

Kirsteen said...

I think 100% that you have made the right decision hun. As far as I can see it is the only option you had. Thinking of you and sending you big Scottish squidges all the way down the road to Newcastle, hugs Kirsteen xxx

Fiona (aka Erisindevon) said...

(((Mandy))). I just can't comprehend parents who are so controlling that they'd cut off their grandchildren to spite you. It's crazy. We don't have these issues in my family, but I know that if mum and I had a major blowout, she'd still walk to the ends of the earth for my girls. Your mum seriously needs help Mand - she's got her priorities so screwed up. :-(

Anonymous said...

Mandy what can I say?
I think you have made the right decision for you and yours.
Am putting you and your family at the top of my prayer list today. My list gets ever longer and somedays I feel like I need to go to bed at noon to fit everyone in but you're at the top today. Be strong and be true.
Love Mandi xx

Celfyddydau said...

Flip!

I think you made the right decision as well. My sister had to do something similar with her x-in laws. Not as hard as your own parents, but like you she was not having them upset the children.

I hope you do get a chance to cry as you need to grieve for your lost family. It will also help you move on to the next step in your journey.

At least you know it was never you and was always your mother.

{{{{HUGS}}}} and don't forget you can always call me.

xxx

jafabrit said...

oh sweetie what a heartbreak, but as others said it is the right thing to do. there are times when we have to keep toxic people out of our lives and our children's. BIG HUGS to you.

Samantha said...

I just want to tell you that I am thinking about you and I am sending *hugs* and well wishes from my heart. I hope all works out for the best **HUGS**

D. Prince said...

You are doing what's best for you and your family. We had to do the exact same thing 2 1/2 years ago and it is really hard but it's worth it.

It sounds like a very similar situation to ours actually. We even got the dreaded "letter"

So much for unconditional love, huh?

Your marriage and your children will be happier and healthier not having to deal with the dysfunction any longer.

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