We're currently in that period where we're all a little confused, full with cheese and no one really knows what the date or time is, if we feel hungry we simply reach for the nearest box of Maltesers or we top ourselves up with another glass of Bailey's and a cheeseboard, welcome to Twixtmas everyone!

I said in the title that this Christmas was weird but lovely and really, that is the perfect description for you see, we just did everything in a completely different way to previous years although the basic structure of the days still remained.  On Christmas Eve for the first time ever I had no girls, Abigail was with dad and Looby was riding so Holly and I went up to Harriets, we went to the pub for lunch and then Harriet and I went as usual to the crib service at our local parish church, St Gabriels in Heaton, in fact I think perhaps, that was the only normal thing I've really done.

When I got home Looby was back excitedly rummaging through her Christmas Eve box to find pyjamas, bubble bath, a book which she proceeded to read and finish before she went to bed and some teeny tiny nano blocks from which she built a snowman.  She trotted off to bed at ten-ish and Iain came downstairs to remove the rest of his gifts from under the tree at around 11.15pm, he'd already had most of them on account of the fact that he doesn't do Christmas, at, all!  After 21 years of being the mum of an Aspie I've learned not to worry about it.

Christmas morning was a calm affair, just Looby and I wading through the presents under the tree, Harriet came to help open hers and then we got dressed and decamped to her house to await her parents arrival from Yorkshire, Lunch out was a noisy affair but the food was good, Holly Bobbins behaved impeccably in her favourite local pub the Northumberland Hussar and the atmosphere was one of a bustling Christmas, all served up with a liberal handful of delicious Christmas fayre, it's the first time I've ever eaten out at Christmas and yes, it was weird to not cook on Christmas Eve or the big day itself but I kind of enjoyed it and I did get to cook an autistic Christmas lunch for Iain when I got home, if you are curious about that he had a Waitrose chicken roast, mashed potato, carrots, gravy and Yorkshire pudding, he had the same again on Boxing Day when I cooked a Veggie Christmas dinner for Abigail whilst Harriet and I had aged sirloin, Looby of course by that time was at dads, my girls never actually saw each other until the evening of Boxing Day and I think perhaps this was why, when I asked Looby if she'd had the best Christmas she said "It was lovely but the presents weren't all the way to the middle of the room and we weren't together as a family'. It's true that Christmas has been a quieter, smaller affair than ever before and I do wish that I could give her exactly the Christmases of the past which she loved, I said I would try and work on it for next year but I can't promise.  It's really been the theme of this year that all she's wanted is to be a family again and I totally get it, I wish it too in my heart and I think the perfect Christmas now for me would be the one she wants, with her dad, and Abigail and then I'd love to add in Harriet and her parents because they're also my family and I think all together we could have the most amazing time, well if the Gods allowed it and the planets aligned.  It may of course never happen again though, so much has happened, so much time has passed and many waters have flowed under the bridges of our lives, I do think it's poignant and telling though that here I am, sitting here, still single with the love in my heart still only for one man.

I don't want this post to come across and maudlin or depressing, on the contrary, Christmas has been lovely and my best gift, a portrait of Holly from all of the Randalls, made my day, well it made me sob but that's because it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen and no matter what happens, it means that Holly Bobbins will be with me always.

I hope you all had the best Christmas ever, it's true not every year can be just that, if it was, then we wouldn't really appreciate the special ones, the ones which only happen once or twice like magical pieces of time we hold in our hearts so we can remember and smile.  Maybe next Christmas, it's something to work towards because each year, we get a chance to start all over again, everything passed is forgotten now, there's only the future ahead and we owe it to ourselves to make it as perfect as possible because soon, this too will pass.

I'm a nightmare to travel with

It's Saturday morning, just after nine on the beautiful Côte d'Azur and I'm having breakfast on my own at our hotel, Abigail is still fast asleep after begging for a lie in because she's exhausted and I'm wondering just how long I'll actually have to stay still.   To me if you're not up and out pre 9am when you are travelling then you are wasting precious seconds, it's no wonder that I'm pretty much seen as a nightmare to travel with!

The thing is you see, I've always been someone who believes that you have to grab life by the neck, that you should go out there and not stop until you have extracted the very last drop of juice from that fresh orange that we call our existence.

I have a blister on the bottom of my foot, yesterday evening after climbing every possible hill for the best view in Villefranche-sur-Mer I decided that once we'd got back to Nice on the tourist bus that we should walk the length of the Promenade des Anglais back to our hotel, the promenade of course starts at number 1, we're around 450 (ish) or maybe 6 or 7k, I can't be sure but I know when we got back to our room yesterday we'd walked over 22k, not that much, you might think, well try it in 34c heat.

I'd say that it was the straw that had broken the camels back but we'd already argued before that point, Abigail likes to know what's going to happen and although I like to have a guiding schedule, it's not quite moment to moment and I do tend to wander and dander just a little too much.

This morning I promised that she could not only stay in bed but that the first half of the day would be a pool day, this is my actual idea of hell, I can manage a pool half hour but then I get a little stir crazy and want to be out exploring so that I feel I've gotten every last moment of the travel experience whilst we're here.  When you go to a destination you only have a few days, a week, if you're really lucky, a fortnight but what if you never go there again?  What if you miss the best thing you'll never see?  I don't want to be that person and yes, I can understand how this makes me the person you'd least like to travel with.  I'm sure if you asked Harriet, she'd tell you exactly how it is, that I have an inability to stay still in one place for more than 20 minutes, when we went to Barcelona I actually enjoyed our mid afternoon pool hours but that's all they were, I don't think I ever managed any longer before I wanted to be out there experiencing life and other cultures and capturing each experience so that I can not only hold it in my mind but so that I can share it with the people who read my blog or watch my vlog, oh and that's another thing, my usb and camera aren't speaking to each other which means my daily vlogs are pretty much trapped in my camera until we get home next week, it's a good thing I suppose as it forces me to not worry about working for several hours each night editing the masses of video I've captured.

Yesterday I didn't take my big camera, I thought I'd just take my small one, the pains in my back and neck had been bothering me and I thought I would get to see more if I just took along my vlogging camera and the result?  I'm disappointed with the images I did capture, to me they're not authentic or professional enough, I probably won't share them, or very few of them will make the cut and so part of my experience of Villefranche-sur-Mer will be lost forever.  You know, I waited my whole life to visit there, I'd fallen in love with the place after watching "An Affair To Remember" one too many times, when Nickie visits Grandmere Jalou at her little house at the top of the mountain of Villefranche-sur-Mer, even in the late 50's it looked like the most beautiful place in the whole of the world, and it was, it really was.  It's vast curving bay with an azure sea, we lunched on the edge of the harbour wall, our only views were the small yachts bobbing up and down with the gentle currents of the mediterranean sea, bougainvillea lined the walls of the old town, it's fragrant purple flowers smiling at us as we explored (although with me, it's more of a forthright march) and climbed to find the best vistas.  This pretty village will always remain in the corners of my mind, a place I dreamt of seeing and I finally got to fulfil my wish.

In all of the years that I have been a single parent, first with just me and Iain as we struggled together against the world and later with all 3 of my fabulous teens, through the dark and turbulent days, through the lean times, the mean times, the barely scraping enough money together to survive times, the one thing which pushed me onward is the thought that one day I would travel, I would travel as much as I possibly could and I would admire the jewels of the earth. For it's these very things that make me feel enriched and whole so I hope you'll excuse, now that I can, my inability to let each moment pass me by, I can't relax, I can't sit still, there's too much to see and next week I'll be back at my desk with only the memories of my time in the sun.  Of course I'll be planning my next chaotic full on trip to somewhere else I've never been, somewhere, no doubt I'll remain a nightmare to travel with!

Today On "My Mum" A Blog by Abigail Aged 14.5

My lovely daughter of who I am supremely proud and adore more than cake and chocolate (no, really, it's possible) asked if she could write a guest blog for me, I could hardly refuse and so here it is, please if you ever meet me, don't ask me to repeat the dance....

"It is universally accepted that all teenagers will come to a time where they hate one or both of their parents. I am not one to break this norm however, I may have reached this period earlier than most! It seemed that the second I turned 13 I began hating my mother with a passion.   

Now at 14, almost 15, I am taking this time to reflect. What would have irritated and agitated me a year ago I now laugh at?  This laughter and mockery has become what I have begun calling "Today on my mum" moments. These moments are so full of embarrassment and surprise that it would be a crime to deny them to the world any longer! 

For the first time, you will all see how truly bonkers and weird my mother really is, though I expect many of you will not be surprised. 

To begin let's delve into what I have decided to call "The unfortunate tale of a mother in Scarborough"

It was a lovely day, we were just coming to the end of our activities (and money), so decided to go for some ice cream at a very well-loved ice cream parlour before a longish trip back to Newcastle. 

It's important to note that during the day I and Laura had been repetitively performing a small dance that we found online. It was super simple! Remember that! This dance was super simple and could've been performed by a goldfish! 

We managed to get our mum to 'perform' the small dance.I regret my choices! It was going fairly ok until the final move, a simple move. "Put your arms out and pull your body forward" is what we said to do. My mother did not quite do this, and so, in the full view of the ice cream parlour and the passers-by, she, with confidence, did a very large thrust. Not the move we had expected! What followed was a chorus of shrieking plus uncontrollable laughter! We were subjected to many, many worried looks. The only words I could think to say were "ah, today on my mother" which only fueled the fire and caused more laughter. I can safely say she has not thrust lately.  

That day also stuck out for another reason as in the car on the way home I happened to ask if she had taken her medication, she hadn't! Funnily enough, though I didn’t really care! This was the first time in possibly 10 years I had seen my mum actually laugh! Not a forced laugh but a genuine, heartfelt laugh. Of course, I was worried that she hadn't taken her medication but it was more of an afterthought! Now she is the happiest I've EVER seen her and I'm very much looking forward to having many laughs with her in the future. 

This was the first true "Today on my mother moment" (and arguably one of the best yet!). 

I hope you enjoyed this little jaunt we've had and that you’ve become just a little bit more aware on the weirdo that is my mother! 

Yours, a very opinionated and often stroppy teenager, 

Christmas Day 2016, A Festively Fabulous Affair

Christmas came and Christmas went in just 24 hours, doesn't it seem weird that we prepare for months to celebrate just one special day.  It's funny though because for just that very short window, time stands almost still, normal life exits stage left and you find yourself playing board games with your teenage children thinking "Blimey, it must be Christmas".

My Christmas this year was a quiet affair, on Christmas Eve, Harriet and Kelly came for Christmas dinner after Harriet and I had been to church for the usual crib service we enjoy so much, it's just an hour of joy and celebration as you sing carols as loud as your lungs will permit, that's quite loud if you are me!  Our Christmas dinner was a loud and raucous affair as we all descended into the kind of laughter which actually hurts and then just as they left my lovely friend Steve arrived wearing a knitted Santa bobble hat, so lovely to spend time with friends on Christmas Eve.

Just as the Christmas bells chimed and I was watching Midnight mass, my yearly tradition, a message pinged, Mr France telling me that he'd stayed awake just for me so that he would be the first person to wish me Happy Christmas, I can honestly say that this small gesture made my Christmas Day and I went to bed happy and smiling that someone would do something so lovely just for me.

Christmas Day arrived with the declaration from Looby that it was indeed Christmas and I bribed her with making me a cup of coffee if she wanted me to get up, Christmas comes in useful for so many things! 

My darling children really spoilt me rotten this Christmas, I have the most splendid teenagers who I adore and they clearly have a much bigger disposable income than me as they gifted me with a dress, 2 pairs of shoes, 1 being my most favourite Irregular Choice, Iain played a blinder with an Amazon firestick so I can watch The Grand Tour and the whole of Arrow which is the only DC series I've yet to watch, I also got some lovely London themed things from Harriet who anticipates that I might head southward just a few times next year!  Even Holly Bobbins was spoilt with a new collar from Barneys collars and some fabulous gifts from Best In Show

I also must give special mention to Peter and Cynthia, Harriets gorgeous parents who I've adopted, they bought me the most fabulous mini beagle and thanks to a brilliant suggestion by Mrs A on Twitter, I've named her "Martine De Beagle" She's sitting just in the corner of my sitting room watching Holly Bobbins quite closely, I'm not sure if Holly knows quite what to make of her but she's definitely aware that Martine is a beagle.

Yesterday was the best day with just my teens, we laughed until I had to go and sit on the floor in the hall to try and comfortably laugh without dying, my children are comedians and even if they are usually laughing at me rather than with me, it's hilarious all the same.

When the girls departed leaving just me, Holly and KT (my friend Laura's Tibetan Terrier) I felt that bittersweet tinge that I'm sure most single parents feel on Christmas Day but I sang along to Frozen, got teary eyed at a wonderfully romantic superhero episode of Doctor Who and soon Harriet arrived back from Yorkshire for just 1 more glass of Champagne and a festive cheeseboard.

Today, I am still in bed, I'm going out for lunch and then I shall be mooching until such a time as I put on my ball gown for it's annual outing to The Holly Ball, this year, though, I shall not be drinking so much tequila that I laugh myself to sleep because, between you and me, I can laugh myself to sleep these days without even so much as a breath of alcohol.

2016, A Reflective Post

So this is it, my last blog post before Christmas,  and I'm up to date with brand collaborations and outstanding articles, something I've learnt this year is how much pressure I feel to do the best job for the companies I collaborate with, another thing is that since I photographed cocktails at the Science Bar, I almost always get invited to cocktail based events, I for one shall not be complaining about that anytime soon!

Whilst this year has had it's trying times and many challenges all I can see now as I sit here reflecting are the good times, there have been so many highlights like going to Barcelona with Harriet, visiting Stratford and having many Shakespeare moments with Abigail, walking Alpacas, exploring Amsterdam and of course I couldn't complete my round up without mention of meeting Mr France, he really is the sweetest geek.

When I started this year, I wanted to have great adventures, that was the main focus of my resolve for 2016 and I have done that both offline and online.  I finally found the strength to move on earlier this year and on the day I did I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders and now my life is filled with happiness and smiling every day, I feel again, in fact, I have all of the feels, I have enough feels for me, Mr F and the whole of the land and I quite often have tears of happiness when I realise just how far I've personally and emotionally grown this year.  

Don't get me wrong, I still have anxiety, I still have moments where I suffer from almost crippling low self-esteem but every neurosis is something that's been caused over a period of years so I have to allow for the years ahead to heal me.  I remember a conversation on Twitter a while ago about The Phantom and whether Christine should have chosen him or Raoul, the overwhelming response was the Christine should have chosen The Phantom because love was the only way to heal him, we're all like that a little bit I think, we need to find our people, our crew, our squads, whether that be friendships, relationships, whatever, it's only when we view the world with love and let love in that we can be healed and live to our full potential, I hope to do more of that in 2017 than I have done thus far.

I'm taking some time off over Christmas, I just have one planned photo shoot on the 28th, it's a bit of a weird situation because I'll almost certainly be more active on Twitter for the next couple of weeks than I am normally but that's because lots of friends are away over Christmas, my children will be social butterflies and so it's my online friends who will mostly keep me sane, well the ones who are around, if no one is around then I shall just resort to talking to myself or Holly Bobbins, I do that quite enough anyway!

I cannot really say what will happen in the future, I literally have no plans currently, my hopes are that I'll get to meet Mr F in 3D and that's almost certainly going to happen in January, much, much excitement at that prospect even though our Skype dates are almost like having him sitting next to me, no really it is, if you've never tried a Skype date I can't recommend it highly enough!  What I would say is what we have found almost certainly cannot be defined or labelled and nor would I want it to be that way, I hate labels and being pigeonholed, I've had that for my entire life.

So I wish to take this opportunity to say thank you for staying with me this year, through the tears, the laughter, the moments of complete ridiculousness and absurdity, next year will be my 12th year of blogging, I'm not sure there are many others out there with a blog as old as mine and yet I am still small fry in the blogging world, I'd love to be just a tad more well known and I'd love my story to lead somewhere further, I know I want to continue to do more writing, oh and on the business front, I bought a couple of new domains yesterday, I have this idea for a website which I'm going to work on over Christmas, can't say too much though because it's just an exciting quirky idea in the corner of my mind at the moment!

So here and now to each and every one of you, I want to wish you the best Christmas ever, may you be with the ones you love and hold dear to your hearts, may you kiss often, laugh lots and hug like bears, have yourself a merry little Christmas now...

The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn Is Just To Love and Be Loved In Return

This week I have done a lot of soul-searching, I've watched many TED talks, I've tried to inspire my mind as much as my heart.  I've always had a goal in my mind to one day be someone worthy of giving a TED talk although still as yet I am without the inspiration to come up with the subject that I would actually speak about, it's definitely on my list of life goals, though.

This week I have finally gotten closure, seeing someone you used to love and knowing that you are ok with everything, more than that really, that you have moved on and like the song now they're just somebody that you used to know, what's even funnier is how your brain plays tricks on you when you are in love, suddenly that person who seemed taller and athletic in your mind is revealed to you as actually being quite short, ageing fast and more rotund than you can ever remember, without the chemical effects of love in our hearts and in our brains the true identity is revealing, to say the least.

My favourite quote in the whole entire cosmos is "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"  It may just originate as a lyric in a song but it is the highest truth I've ever known.

Let's take that quote and let us look at it as part of our own fundamental philosophy, we must first love to be loved, we must love not only ourselves but we must love strong and hard and we must love not only our children, our families, our friends, we must love the world and try to do good every day, I cannot lie and say that I truly love everyone, I am working on it though, it's just harder with some people than it is with others.

Other than the one or two people I have to work on my feelings towards though I would say I'm closer to I have ever been to loving and being loved, maybe not on my own personal level and not in a relationship or dating way but just in a general love of humanity and of my children, my friends and the general population of the people I have around me both online and in my day to day life.

We are all on a journey, we're all trying to figure out life, it's meaning and we're all searching for our twin flame, our other half, our soulmate but I think we can open ourselves up to that if we try, love is one of the highest energies that exists, it has a power, it has it's own vibration so the more love we put out there into the world the more likely we are to attract it back, I want you to go and read Lisa's blog, she wrote a post about kindness and talking today, it had a profound effect because it's something I feel passionately about and this evening as I watched Moulin Rouge for approximately the 4000th time I felt compelled to open up the Macbook once again and write, 3 posts in 1 day is not bad at all!!

So here's what we need to do and it really isn't all that complicated, let's all get up each day and think about the people we love, let's think, "how can I make the world better today, how can I put out more love into the world?"  I think in no time at all what will happen is that we'll bring so much love back in that we'll be able to create a whole new world around us.

Have a great weekend everyone, go out there and be with the ones you love and love the ones you are with.

Simplifying and living more of a life with less

You know dear reader there's something I've come to understand over the last year or so of my life and that is that quality time is a million times better than all of the money in the whole of the universe.

On the bus, Holly and I have adventures every day because we both love to go out and about

When I had my children and started my business I really wanted to provide them with everything they would ever need in life but I've always spoken up for spending simple quality time as a family together and this has become so much more important over the last year or so.

At the moment I am in the process of trying to simplify my life so that I can live a better life albeit with less than I've had for a while.

Single parenting is hard but it would almost seem easier to just keep working and ploughing ahead to be able to provide the things the kids need, but that's just it isn't it?  The kids actually don't need that much physical stuff, what they need is love and experiences which help them to grow in life and love and their own wellbeing.

Since last September I've cut down on the hours I work, I've cut down on the number of weddings I photograph every year and I've cut down on the amounts of photo shoots I'll do in one day.  It's made a huge difference in the amount of quality time I have but it hasn't impacted too badly (quite thankfully) on my finances, well not enough for me to panic about, yes it means less stuff but then what is stuff, it's the things you collect and then throw out, it's not experiences or time spent doing things which actually don't cost much at all.

I bought myself a flask this week and a food pod thing so that when I'm out with Holly I can have my soup and coffee and a wee picnic and then I find it just doesn't cost much at all for a whole day out just wandering and enjoying the company of my woofy best friend (and the kids when they choose to come along).

I think for me now my goal is to do more writing, more travelling, more time spent having experiences with Holly and with the kids and I am going to simplify my life.

this little pumpkin has taught me so many lessons about how we all should be living.

Look I'm not saying we should all just give up the work that we do because obviously I know that there's a basic fundamental need to pay the bills and also to have a little extra for the fun things but what I am saying is that I am giving up the life of being a mad old workaholic who would do 20 photo shoots in a weekend, have them edited by the Monday and prints posted out by the next Friday.

I love my work that I've chosen to do, my blog, my Etsy store, my photography business and I can't ever see a day when I would give that up but my days of working 17 hours a day are most definitely behind me!

So what's ahead now?  days out, holidays, adventures, more writing, more photography and more importantly lots of love, time and attention for everyone in my life who is so important to me.  Why don't you see which ways you can simplify your life today so you can live more with just a little less.

Anyone need a tipsy Auntie for Christmas?

Friday dear reader and never has it taken so long to get to the end of a week.  This week has just been awful from a health point of view, I don't think I've ever been as ill with flu as I have been this week and it's only today when I've woken up that I finally feel like I'm turning a corner though judging by the fact that I also woke up with all of my hair stuck to me I still have a little way to go before I am back to tip top health!

It's a relief though as I'll be able to get out to do the 5 planned photo shoots in my schedule tomorrow but I'll do them knowing I can come home and go straight to bed afterwards and any Christmas shopping I haven't done yet, well quite frankly it's just got no chance although I do know that the Christmas elf who brings us all new pyjamas on Christmas Eve probably still needs a little help. Thank goodness then that I did my Christmas grocery shop weeks ago and that's all getting delivered on Monday afternoon (though goodness knows where I'm actually going to put it all, anyone got a spare fridge?).

I managed to get 2 books ordered for myself so that I have something to occupy me whilst the girls aren't here, I'm just a bit sad that I'm not excited about Christmas, every year all I ever wanted were huge family christmases, the ones where you have to have 3 separate christmases to fit everyone from your family in, well I've achieved a family so huge I could fit them all into a half hour of Christmas. I know you hear people complaining about drunk aunties in the corner or snoring uncles but I'd love that, i could even be the tipsy auntie in the corner if anyone needs one?  I've been thinking this week and crying a lot which is I think due to flu but also due to the realisation that this year has been pretty horrible and I feel responsible for the pain I've caused my children and myself I suppose.

My offer still stands to anyone who's feeling lonely over the Christmas period, if you have no one please do consider my offer and come to our house, the best thing about 2 or 3 lonely people is that you put them all together and the loneliness isn't there anymore.

This Christmas let us all hope for togetherness and then we can celebrate that!

Worrying about Christmas...

You'll have to excuse the lateness of my post today, after 3 hours on the beach in sub zero temperatures on Saturday I came down with flu, still went to photo shoots yesterday because I hate letting people down but even I was too ill to do more photo shoots today so after taking Holly for a walk this morning I shan't be going anywhere anytime soon.

This week has a lot of important things going on in it, it's the final date for Christmas orders today, it's always quite an exciting day as the orders usually come in right up to the 10pm deadline, after this it's really all down hill into Christmas, on personal note I just need to make enough money to have the 2 weeks off without worry, since becoming a single parent life has definitely gotten harder in many respects, I just can't be away from the kids like I was previously, I feel every spare second I have I need to be at home with them rather than working, it's brilliant in one sense because I was definitely guilty of being a workaholic but I just wanted them to have everything I could provide, last night as I was sorting through my Christmas cupboard I apologised to Looby for the lack of Christmas presents this year would bring, "Don't worry mammy, Christmas is about the baby Jesus not presents"  I'm not sure where I got that one from but she's amazing, Iain also said I shouldn't worry too much because he understands, I haven't actually had the conversation with Abigail yet!  I could get cross and angry about it all and the position I've been forced to be in but what would be the point, who has time for bitterness, Christmas is a time for forgiveness after all, the girls are actually going to visit their grandparents on the day after boxing day and I'm not looking forward to the fact that Abigail and Looby are now going to dads on the night of Christmas day and won't be back home until the night of the 27th, I just hope I can get those books I want and then I can read myself through the lonely gap which is supposed to contain wall to wall family time.

It's funny, while writing this I'm watching The Wright Stuff and they're talking about how the marketing men shove big family time down our proverbial throats more at Christmas than at any other time of the year, we're constantly bombarded with messages and adverts about all those amazing big family meals we'll have, parties, constant social engagements, though the chances are that there will be days where I might not see another living breathing human, thank goodness then for Holly, she really is a blessing from God.

Don't be lonely this Christmas, come to our house!

Apologies for not blogging yesterday but between work and this sweet little face all of my time is taken up right now.

She's just so blooming adorable and I'm totally in love!

So I was lying half awake this morning worrying about Christmas again, I worry a lot dear reader, my daughters inform me that they will be away from Boxing day until late on the 27th and as Iain is getting new games for his PS4 it's unlikely he'll be coming down stairs very often so there's just a chance that I might be a bit blue, obviously I'll have Holly but it would also be lovely to have some company or have something planned to do and I'm wondering if maybe you're reading this and feeling the same, well my message to you is don't be lonely at Christmas, get in touch and lets do something, even if it's just coming around here and drinking copious amounts of Hestons Mulled Cider.  I'd also like to extend that invitation to Christmas day, if you are going to be on your own, why not get in touch and come here, the more the merrier in my opinion and no one, and I do mean no one should be lonely at Christmas or indeed that whole 2 week holiday period, I literally have no plans for the whole of the 2 week period and I love seeing people, kids, animals so lets do stuff!  Now obviously if you are a serial killer I might not be able to accommodate you but lots of regular readers of this blog I already know so if you're one of them and you might have moments of loneliness during the festive period just get in touch and we'll try to make this Christmas the best one ever.

I'm off to the beach this morning for 4 very chilly photo shoots, I'm thinking there aren't enough thermals in the world for being out there for 2.5 hours today dear reader but someone has to do it and tomorrow I have 6 back to back outdoor photo shoots in Saltwell Park, luckily it's supposed to be a tad warmer tommorrow.  Monday I have another 2 photo shoots and then next weekend I am out on Saturday for my final day of photo shoots and then it's a gradual downhill slide into Christmas, I have my shopping deliveries booked for next week, Christmas and the New Year, quite frankly I have never been quite so organised.

What I want to do now is make enough money to secure the time off without worry, a few more gifts on the wish lists for my children and some of my wish list for me, mainly books which should keep me entertained for the 2 weeks I'm off.  It's funny really, I've always worked on the middle weekend but I found that I just never really relax when I only have a few days off so this week 2 whole weeks and hopefully I will be as relaxed as I was when we went to Gran Canaria.

Whatever you are doing this festive weekend I hope you have the most amazing festive spectacular filled with wonder and magic, send me some warm thoughts!

Happiness is a dog called Holly

I make absolutely no apologies that my blog is about to come the most dog filled blog in the world, I can't help it, I am totally and completely head over heels in love with Miss Holly Berry Charlton, we had lots of fun yesterday though I have to admit that I'm quite glad it was my day off because beagle walks and cuddles beat doing anything more productive hands down, She's my phone wallpaper, she's fully insured this morning, well she actually came with 4 weeks insurance free from Beagle Welfare but this morning I've taken out pet insurance for her so that's it she's definitely a family member!  Last night we both went to bed at 10pm as I've had a headache which won't go away since Monday, she was ever so good though and slept pretty much until 6.30am this morning with just one little getty up for a wee at 1am.  House training is going exceedingly well, in fact I think we've nearly cracked it and yesterday we had 2 big walks, I'm assuming she didn't get a lot of walking before she came to me as she was pretty shattered afterwards and then she got up this morning, went out in the garden, had breakfast and she's snuggled on the settee beside me.

She's simply the best cure for loneliness, I was watching This Morning yesterday, they had a phone in about loneliness at Christmas, one of the calls had agony aunt Denise in tears as well as presenters Phil and Amanda and also me, I just feel so much for people who are lonely at Christmas and of course just because you are surrounded by people during the festive period doesn't mean that you can't be lonely, I am so thankful that I will have my dog, cats, children, one of my best friends and her daughter around me on Christmas day as I know that a part of me will still feel a little lonely because it's my first Christmas since my marriage ended.  There's always going to be some sadness there and its' funny the things which get you, with me it's mostly music, suddenly out of nowhere it'll get me and I'll find myself crying wondering how on earth I arrived at this point when I always assumed that by 40 life, love and everything would be sorted out forever, I do sit and wonder if everything in my life has happened because I've been a bad person and the ether is delivering karma, I used to spend a lot of time thinking I was evil and going to hell until my therapist told me that you only have to be good enough in this life and in her opinion I'd always been better than good enough, she told me to look into the mirror and smile every day and tell myself that you only have to be good enough, it's one of the most important things I ever learned, if you constantly strive for perfection you will honestly never achieve it, as humans we are perfectly imperfect and I know from my years studying psychology that scientifically and statistically people don't actually like perfect people, it scares them!!

I know one thing to be true and that is that pets come into our lives and help us heal our hearts, they show us the true meaning of unconditional love with absolutely no expectations, they have the purest hearts and they, those little furry paws, are the nearest things to angels.

Say hello to Holly the Beagle

Apologies for no blogging yesterday, this weekend has been a very busy one with a wedding on Saturday, portraits on Sunday and then a couple more portraits early yesterday morning and then the rest of the day was taken up with patiently waiting for the arrival of our new family member, my gorgeous forever dog Miss Holly Berry Charlton, that's quite the fabulous name don't you think? Fabulous name for the best dog ever and obviously even though it was late and nearly dark by the time she arrived I still managed to get just a couple of photos of her.

She's 6 months old and already very clever, she sits, she'll do wait and I don't think it's going to take too long to finish off her house training, I reckon we'll have her doing high five by the end of the week!

This year has been by far one of the hardest of my life and also one of the saddest though it's had a lot of good things, when I look back in retrospect I do cry about it but some tears at least are happy. Yesterday at least I cried because I was so happy and thankful for Beagle Welfare bringing Holly for us all the way up from the West Midlands.

She's settled in surprisingly well and whilst I thought I would be writing this at 5am I actually woke her up 2 minutes before the alarm went off at 7.15am

If anyone is a gift from God it's got to be Holly, sent to heal our hearts and be ours with her cheeky funny personality, the cats it seems aren't really even bothered, Pyracantha did her comedy growl and has bashed her on the nose a couple of times which of course is the way it should be so she knows the cats are friends not food!  Poppy though just let her have a sniff and then wandered off completely ambivalent to the whole situation.

Abigail, Looby and Iain all completely love her and for me, well I lost my heart in the first five minutes.  I can't wait to go on lots of adventures.  First on the agenda is a day time walk to the dog park, we did go for a big night time walk yesterday but it's nicer in the day time when there are other doggies to play with.

I know whatever happens in the rest of the year we'll always have at least 1 amazing reason to remember 2014 for.