Yes, I know, I've kind of be absent for a few days, I decided to take some time off after shooting back to back weddings and it's just been amazing, friendship, fun, laughter, Cards Against Humanity (not for the easily offended but hilarious).
So I'm sitting here still tucked in bed with Holly snoring next to me and I feel no need to get up yet (although I already brought an enormous coffee with me) but I wanted to tell you that some things have happened lately and It's definitely got me to the point of realising I'm pretty healed.
I'm always a little envious of people who bounce back from emotional trauma, you know the ones, you see their relationships ending and then before you know it they're happy and in love having found new people who they adore, I've always wished I could be like that but having taken 2 years to just be on my own I probably felt around the beginning of September that I was ready to just get back out there into the world and see what this internet dating malarkey was all about.
I want to tell you that no one ever meets anyone in real life anymore, those chance acquaintances on late nights in nightclubs, well maybe they do happen but I'm in my forties, I like to go to bed at a reasonable time of day and I'm also fairly sure that nightclubs as they were then are still full of singletons in their twenties.
The truth is we all lead busy lives and I guess that's why dating websites just seem to be the standard way to meet someone, they're also completely none threatening, you don't even have to speak to anyone if you don't want to, you can just swipe right and see what you like, it's kind of like shopping I guess, sometimes the box is more attractive than the contents, sometimes there are absolutely no contents inside the pretty packaging and sometimes, the package is just so scary you want to get it as far away from you as possible, swiping left at 3 million miles an hour!
I should state that most of my friends are singletons which means that this is sort of a collaborative post. I should also state that all of my girlfriends are younger than me so I've pretty much seen it all and this is what I've learnt so far -
Men like to send naked photos to women they don't even know, they think this will score them points, I can confirm however, it won't, the photos however will be passed around the pub and mostly laughed at. Men, put your dangly bits away, please, now, stop it!! (I must state that this has never happened to me as i'm in an older category than aforementioned men).
Men often lie about their age and use old photos to try and tempt in the ladies, this is ok to a point unless you have to go and meet them, I'm not sure what they think will happen then but being 10 years older isn't good and also if you start by lying about your age, well it's no foundation to build a relationship of trust is it?!
Some men are apparently mute and will fill their dating profile out with question marks and won't have a photo, how in the heck are you supposed to be attracted to someone who's just a blank question mark, it reminds me of telephone dating in the 90's and that never went well did it?!
Aesthetically pleasing men with photos of themselves with adorable puppies (not a euphemism) is always a win in pretty much every woman's eyes. Adorable caring hot man, what's not to like said every woman in the entire universe!
Men who have photos of their children on their dating profile, No, just No!!
Men with what you would call nurturing careers who then send messages to women which would even make my eyes water (and I'm quite liberal to be fair), well I'm just not sure I would want said men nurturing my loved ones if that's what's really on their minds.
Funny men who write long creative profiles, again, always a win, it shows you're serious, if you have a face to match then you're like gold dust.
Men who post photos of their cars? What in the hell is that all about, I don't want to date a transformer!!! I don't even drive!! Has any woman ever went on a date with someone just because they posted a photo of a car? FYI I'm more attracted to a VW Camper than a Porsche.
Men who are 40 want to date 20 year olds, men who are 50 want to date 30 year olds, being in my 40's this does not make me smile when a fat bald man with a paunch age 60 gives me a wink, in real life or online!!
I did come across someone who posted a photo of his baby cow (not a euphemism) on his profile, now he was a farmer but really, just go put the cow back in the shed already!!
So there are 3 types of dating sites and I'll just post one example of each, Tinder, Plenty of Fish and Match.com, Tinder is for window shopping, Plenty of Fish is probably the biggest free site and Match is possibly one of the more serious sites, mostly because you don't get a choice, you have to pay, I guess though that the intention is better, if you're willing to invest up to £90 and answer a million questions before you're even approved then you must be more serious, or desperate, right?
Plenty of Fish is probably the most accessible, it's easy to use, it's full of weirdo's but there are some rare gems on there and I know people who've met and actually had relationships or even married , now yes there is a sea of weirdo's to walk through before you find the gem and there are a lot of packages without contents or contents without any packaging at all but I guess though that's what real life is like isn't it?
Disclaimer - I use affiliate links to facilitate the feeding of my children