This week has not been the best week with regards to my health, if ageing is the cause then I'd quite like a refund, please!  After several more conversations with doctors, my lovely longterm doctor thinks it's probably I have Fibromyalgia, basically, it's a pain syndrome, yes, I know, you're sitting there thinking, "oh that does not sound fun" and you would be right.  It's actually quite possible that I've had it for quite some time as I've had all of the symptoms but they've always been looked at in exclusion rather than as a whole and it's only now because of me going through agony with my neck, head and arms that we finally seem to be coming to the same agreement.  it's a genetic thing and my mother has it and I'll be honest, I think there's a good chance (or actually not good at all) that Iain and Abigail have it as they already have symptoms.

My next step is to see a specialist physiotherapist who'll test my pain points and then depending on the outcome they'll refer me to a rheumatologist and possibly the pain clinic because currently, the neck pain is off the scale and I can't currently find the £600 it would take to make it better with Chiropractic or massage which is what I've done in the past. I'm also thinking of visiting Auris Ear Care.

The point of this blog post isn't to whine or complain though, I mean, I rock a disorder and I'm amazing at syndromes, yes it's another hurdle to get over but you know what?  No one has ever died from Fibromyalgia or Bi-polar or indeed Reynauds (that's all my disorders and syndromes right there, although I think Reynauds may well be a phenomenon).

Yesterday I went to my very first TEDX at Newcastle College, the theme was life finds a way and pretty much it was about health, life, death and mental health, it was one of the most inspiring events I have ever been to and it's only reinforced my ambition to one day give a TED talk.

Death, cancer, mental illness and suicidal ideations, all things which are the end of some and you know what, that is to be completely forgiven.  I have had times in my life where I could have crawled into a corner and never come out or where I thought those dark thoughts and nearly ended everything but in every case, just as in mine, the decision to fight onward, to choose life and to accept the things you can't change, it's those things which were paramount in all of the speakers lives just as in mine.

You see, if you fight against something you can't change, you are just using energy pointlessly, it's the fighting for the things you can change and moving onwards despite the situations, finding some kind of inner strength that you're not sure where it came from, those are the things which inspire other people.  Not only that, those are the things that define you as a person for the rest of your life.

So here I am, some days, the pain is so bad, even the good drugs won't take it away, the searing, burning pain at the base of my neck and feeling like my shoulders are like a giant breeze block because everything is in spasm.  the migraines I wake up with every day, the tingling and pins and needles in my hands, the pains in the centre of my hands which made me question if I was about to experience stigmata...  but am I about to give up?  Hell no, I've come too far for that.  I do have 2 companies to run and I've had to make a few adjustments to my work calendar just until it settles down again, the good thing about flare-ups is that they are exactly that and so I should be back to tip-top form soon enough.

Yes, it's tough that I can only work 1 day at weekends currently but if I look for the positive in that, it's actually pretty lush doing photography one day at weekends and then on a Wednesday because I am absolutely loving what I'm doing, I have the best work-life balance I've ever had and every week I can't wait to get out there again with my camera.

It's funny how things happen I think, I did not know that when I started my garden that I would end up with a haven where I might not be able to do lots of heavy stuff but I can enjoy it, it's reached that point where it's lovely just to sit in and listen to the trickling water fountain and watch the birds as they come and grab some food from our all you can eat bird buffet.

There are so many things to enjoy in life, so many things to be positive about that I refuse to let another disorder, a syndrome or pain destroy the happiness I've worked so hard to find within myself.

Christmas is a cosy blanket

Christmas is a cosy blanket, it envelops you like a warm hug, something you wait for all year around.  That's how I've always felt anyway and it's one of the reasons I am decorating for Christmas early this year.  2019 has been, well a bit pants really, I've not been feeling myself since about March though like most things, there've been ups and downs, the last month though, since they found calcium in my blood, has been rather more fast-moving, I'm like a pincushion I've had so many blood tests and not just my blood, they've tested my pee and my poo trying to get to the bottom of what's actually wrong.  I'm still waiting for some results from last week but on Wednesday evening I'm booked for a CT scan which will scan from my neck down to my legs looking for something I don't even want to think about.

The weird thing is that it's workable, whatever it is, I have not missed a day of work since it all kicked off, I'm constantly exhausted, have naps most days and it takes me a week to recover from a weekend of photography but I'm in no way, what you would term as "ill".  We're all hoping of course that the CT Scan finds nothing, there's a chance that I have hyperparathyroidism and I'm seeing an endocrinologist on the 3rd of December, I'm actually hoping for that because I have all of the symptoms and it's a pretty quick fix of an operation (usually to remove a benign tumour from the parathyroid) and then within a month you feel reborn.  I'll take that.

Whilst December is the month of love, understanding and peace, it's proceeded by crazy November, a month which often brings out the more rambunctious, everyone is stressed, everyone is running around, business owners are worried about their income, customers are frantic and I see it and feel it within my business community, tempers are frayed about the most insignificant things and we all need a reminder, that in the big scheme of things, is it really worth being upset about microcosmic things which won't even matter in a weeks time?

It's even harder this year of course when politics has been at the forefront of everything, a year of worrying about Brexit and seeing the effects it's already had on the small business community and I think it's never been more important to support your local small businesses this Christmas, to think about sustainable long-lasting gifts which won't destroy the planet.  I know for the very first year we are not considering Christmas crackers because of the huge waste and the contents of single-use plastic although there are alternatives like eco-friendly Crackers with wooden and metal contents and where the papers are all completely recyclable.

With an election hanging over us,  or not even hanging, it's actually in progress, I've switched from watching the news to watching Christmas movies which are at least filled with hope, it's not like I need to see the electioneering when I know in my heart, we need change and as a committed socialist I've been a member of the Labour party for some time now, that is however the last lecture you'll hear from me, I truly don't mind who you vote for (unless it's UKIP or the Brexit Party and then we need to talk about their policies) but I do care that you make yourself heard and go and vote, just don't spend too much time reading the media as it's biased is completely screwed and you risk damaging your mental health at a difficult time of year anyway.

I've seen more people with their Christmas Trees already twinkling than ever before and I think we only have to look at what's going on in the world to realise why more than ever, we need the promise of Christmas, the shine of the fairy lights and the warmth of the candles that glow as we sit under our cosy blankets.  Christmas is a shining beacon of hope and for that I am truly thankful

Prep Kitchen - An honest review {ad gifted}

A few weeks ago a company called Prep Kitchen contacted me.  They asked if they could send out a week's meals in exchange for an honest review.  I accepted and not knowing exactly what kind of meals I was about to be sent I was a little scared of receiving ten portions of pre-prepared mush because you know, it's a rare thing indeed when a ready meal actually looks like it does in the ads.

Prep Kitchen is a British company and they believe in healthy ready meals, they offer several options from fat loss to muscle gain to performance meals for the serious pro's out there.  They sent me 10 separate meals and as soon as they arrived and I opened them I noticed that there was nothing I immediately didn't like and for me, that's actually a miracle as I can be a little fussy.

Each meal is freshly prepared, comes ready to store in the fridge and cooks at 200c in the oven for 15 minutes so again, for me who never knows what to cook myself, someone who lives like a student when Looby isn't here, the concept is brilliant.

But get this...

The food is blooming lovely, during my week of trialling the ready meals, there wasn't anything I didn't like and not only that, I also gave them to Harriet on one occasion and Looby twice after she'd come home from the stables (I gave her the high protein muscle gain ones perfect for her sporty self), now it's fair to say that Harriet will eat most things without complaint but Looby is fussier than me and she loved the meals she tried.

The price of each meal is between £5.75 and £7.75 depending on which plan you're going for and I guess, that's quite expensive in some respects but if I'm eating just that for 5 days a week I guess £57.50 isn't too bad.

For ready meals, it's quite hard usually to make them look attractive once cooked, and sometimes uncooked but these meals actually look good and that's part of the fun of eating isn't it.  There are lots of choices too from tasty things like Persian Chicken with middle eastern giant couscous and harissa spiced aubergine to Fresh herb chicken with Gnocchi and ratatouille.

They offer veggie options and the ones I tried in the selection were all great too.  Prep Kitchen also sent some of their snacks which you can use for breakfast or just when you need a lift but I honestly wasn't too fussed on them.

Honestly, I thought it was great, so great that I actually want to subscribe to the fat loss plan to see if it does work, I've felt I wanted to do something for a while but didn't want to go back to Slimming World and I just need a helping hand so doing this for 6 or so weeks until I had a good loss and didn't feel the need to cook my own things (with just a little extra this or a portion of yummy that).

To wrap up, yes, I would definitely use them, I absolutely recommend them if you need a meal plan which caters to your health needs and lead a busy life where you just want to shove something quick in the oven or microwave.  I do think the cost is high but for fresh ingredients being prepared well, I can't imagine that these meals would be cheap if you had to go and eat out.

Let's talk about my health scare

Over the last few weeks I've faded into the black on even my own facebook page, I stepped away and didn't work for pretty much 3 weeks other than my existing calendar commitments.

The truth is that I've had one of those health scares which I think a large proportion of people have at some time or other but it doesn't stop it throwing your life into turmoil.  I'd been feeling unwell for ages, mostly complete exhaustion coupled with some other dodgy symptoms which we're still trying to get to the bottom of but when I was told I had to have a scan on a lump, well, your mind goes to some pretty dark places and suddenly my world came to a halt.

Here's the thing, if it had been the big C, I honestly have no idea what I would have done, I have business interruption insurance and I have people around me in my business who would have looked after my clients but for me personally, I have the kids, I have a handful of close friends but for someone going through a serious health crisis, I would have had little to no support.  I made plans for work because when you run your own companies that's essential but I didn't really make any plans for me except to take some time off and think it out, and whilst I couldn't concentrate on many things in life I just poured my heart and soul into my garden and making sure I had a haven where I could feel safe and calm.

After 2 weeks and 6 days I finally had a scan on Thursday to be told that I have a cyst and whilst it's a big inconvenience, that's all it is, it's a sebaceous cyst just like the ones I have on my head or have had removed.  I've learnt some people are lumpy and some people are not.  To say I breathed the biggest sigh of relief is an understatement but it lead me to think, for every one who breathes that sigh of relief there are also those who face the real challenges that follow and I can't think how hard that must be.

It's looking more likely that I have CFS, or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, also sometimes known as ME, it's not perfect but let me say this now, I work at weekends and whilst it may take me a week to recover with migraines and neck pain almost every day, it won't stop me working.  I have my calendar down to me just working on weekends and Wednesdays now and at weekends I mostly only work for 1 day and sometimes it's just for a couple of hours, it's not brilliant but it's manageable and more than that, it's not cancer and so for me, I'll just have to be careful of the flare ups and it's really something which has probably been underlying for a long time, there are maternal genetic factors that made it 8 times more likely that I would end up with it or the sister syndrome, fibromyalgia, at this point though, it's more likely CFS.  I do have brain fog but I've been straight up, if I get my words mixed up, just laugh at me, it's what the kids do.

I also think since this current flare up I'm actually way better than I was, I'm not getting so mixed up and I'm back to my regular 10 hours of sleep a night and after working on Saturday I didn't even need a nap afterwards, when it was at it's worst I had to have a nap after a half hour photo shoot.

I attribute my improving health 100% to my garden, the ability to be in a calm place outdoors for 10 or so hours a day has aided my recovery tenfold. I already take a whole raft of vitamins including a high strength vitamin D3 but there really is nothing like the real thing, nothing like pure sunshine to make you feel stronger, better and healthier in yourself.

I sat in my garden yesterday afternoon after a day spent pottering around the garden and wandering around a local garden centre with Holly Bobbins and Harriet, I was happy in my heart that I've escaped a crisis, getting old is crappy but at least now I know with some changes to my diet and the continuation of garden therapy I should hopefully live for at least another 50 years if I'm lucky!

Trying to become a better person

It's September in case you hadn't noticed, a great month to make changes and to renew and start again, much better than in January when I'll be honest, all I want to do is stay in bed and hide under the duvet until the dark cold days disappear.

I've felt for a few weeks that I wanted to change certain aspects of myself which had been bothering me and so this seems a great time to write about it, and reinforce the commitments I'm making to myself, here and now!

During the late spring and then continuing into summer I experienced workplace bullying, so much so that I almost gave up and walked away from my new CEO role.  You'd think that bullying is something that just happens in the playground and that's bad enough but when you're an adult and you already have pre-existing mental health conditions, it essentially kills your soul. I stopped going out again, I shut myself away from the world and I'm still struggling with this on a daily basis.

I do think there are elements of me I need to change, my whole life since being small I've had the feeling that I would go to hell if I died, I've worked on this in therapy but in the back of my mind it's still always there.

I have autistic traits which can make me seem odd, bipolar and anxiety add to that and then cram on top of that my lack of empathy due to medication and there's a definite feeling that I need to try and be a better person.  I haven't felt that I've shown enough gratitude or that I've been thankful enough for the small number of friendships I do have and so I'm trying to put that right during September, I'm trying to rebuild my insane levels of positivity I once had, I'm trying to understand the needs of others so much as I can and above all I want to try to make sure that everyone gets the things they need from me.

Today it feels like autumn, it's after 10 and it's still dim and damp and dingy and I know with all of my heart that I need to make all of these changes quickly or I will struggle through the dark months of the year.  I'm at a crossroads with all of my businesses, they all have the potential to make a lot of money and yet this year has been one of the most financially trying.  It's probable that I'm just not trying hard enough with any aspects of my life and I'm letting myself down.

I'm ageing and getting wider by the second, I have neglected my health and wellbeing for too long again and so another thing I want to work on is getting my fitness and my waistline back, now I'm not going to tell you I want to be a size six but I was chatting yesterday about the fact that depression can be helped with a diet of meat and vegetables, it's been proven that cutting down on sugar and processed foods can help reduce inflammation and inflammation causes depression and anxiety and I have had worse anxiety in the last year than ever before in my life, coupled with days of dark, overwhelming depression it's not a life I want to lead anymore, I have to be better for my relationships, my children and more importantly, for me.  I paid for a weight watchers app membership ages ago and I've never used it past the first few days so it's number one on my list of priorities.

I also want to work smarter so that I can spend more time with Looby, I've been given a gift with her being home educated and she continues to thrive and progress but too many times I feel unavailable because there are things I "need to do" at my desk.  That has to change and I guess that's why I need to prioritise the things which make money and get rid of the things that don't.

So, starting here and now with a trip to the supermarket to stock up on good, healthy things I'm making a commitment to be better and if you see me around in October I hope I'll be able to wax lyrical about how I'm succeeding.  September is a great month to start again...

Trying to be more body confident

You know what I love, women who support women, feminists who believe in equality, body confident bloggers and girls who always have each other's back.  A couple of weeks ago when I was having a rough time I messaged Naomi to see if she could send me some body confident Instagram accounts to follow, Naomi of course being one of those ladies who fits into every category in my first statement.  I looked at all of the accounts and found women who love themselves for who they are,  women who've not only accepted every curve but also love them.  It made me happy and warm inside and I decided that I need to be one of those women.

Today was my 4th weigh in as part of the #Boostbuddies for XLS Nutrition, I missed out a week writing about it last week because of my appointment to CEO of The Inspire Network International Ltd

So here's my catch up, last week I lost a whole three quarters of one pound and this week I lost nothing but I didn't gain anything either, I am now half a pound heavier than when I first got weighed which means it's not a plan that works for me, add that to the rosacea and for me personally it's not a success but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be for you.

In my life as an influencer I often get sent beautiful things and JD Williams offered to send me a beautiful Monsoon maxi skirt and some rose gold Sketchers.  I was going out for Harriet's birthday and being that we had the sunniest weekend in the northeast I wanted to wear them as an outfit to the pub on Saturday night.  Only problem was, the top I wanted to wear, showed my arms and not to mention my foldy bits, you know, more doughnut than love handles but as part of me trying to love me more at the age of 44 after 3 children, 2 C-Sections, a full on Hysterectomy, I decided just to go for it.  My lovely OH said I looked great and that meant the world to me and no one shouted "oi fatty" when I walked in the pub.  So, I decided to go a step further and asked Harriet to take a photo.

I literally adore this skirt so much, it's been an age since I even wore a skirt and I know even though I'm a little short to wear it with trainers that it's going to keep me cool during the summer months, it's light and airy and I love the cut of it, even being a size 16, I felt it's a skirt which is absolutely suitable for the larger lady and I might even wear it with heels next time.

The Sketchers are simply divine, I wear trainers all the time, you can't wear heels so much when you have a beagle by your side at all times so these are perfect whether I'm off to the pub, going out for dinner or just wandering in the park with Holly Bobbins at my side.

Something good has happened, you know the full length photo?  I don't hate it, I don't love it but my face doesn't look too bad in it and even though I look like I'm disappearing into the pavement and have a rubber ring around my tummy to stop me from sinking, I think I could look much worse.

Now I realise this is a long, long way from being body confident but that's me, too many knocks about my face, my weight, my body when I was young, well let's just say to any mums out there with daughters, just tell your daughter they are gorgeous every day.

So, now my epic quest this week is to just love myself more, to keep up the walking, maybe even try a little more speed walking although if you ask Holly she'll probably tell you that a stroll is just the right pace for her.

Sugar Free February - Easy Sugar Free Recipes

So you've started Sugar Free February but you're all ready wondering what the heck you can eat that isn't cardboard, I mean, takeaways are out of the question, cake is but a distant memory, there's no denying that sugar free living isn't easy but I've got a couple of recipes for you today which might just help.  I cut sugar out of my diet on Friday so I'm not even at the first week weigh in yet, a friend who dutifully started last Monday however has already lost 7lb at the first week weigh in and everyone else who's been doing it with me is feeling better, I haven't had a night sweat since starting and that for me is big, it also shows just how intolerant I am to sugar.

One thing I did notice on the first couple of days was how much I craved sugar, it's very much the cocaine of the food world and I know from my previous attempt that I just have to hang on in there, I also have a test I like to stick with, when I have tons of sugar in my diet I'm not all that fond of tomatoes but once I get it out of my system the tomatoes taste sweeter and better than ever before, and when I lost over 3 stone, I swapped crisps for tomatoes as my secret weapon.

Look, I'm not a nutrition expert, I've read lots of books, a whole lot of web resources and I just know it works because I've done it before, I'm a busy mum who lives on their own with my teens and coming up with recipes they like too has been the biggest challenge of all so when the lovely people at Heck got in touch to send me a food parcel, I knew I had to come up with some pretty special things.

Fake FC Chicken Escalopes Recipe

Ingredients - 

2 Heck Naked Chicken sausages

1 Crushed Weetabix

1 egg

Spelt Flour

Salt

Pepper

Method

Take 2 Heck Naked Chicken Sausages and squash them together and reshape into an escalope, coat with spelt flour, dip in a beaten egg and then cover in a crushed Weetabix, then simply grill under a medium grill taking care not to burn the outside until cooked.

Serve with a salad and healthy home made sweet potato wedges.

I tried this at the weekend after coming up with the idea and they're delicious, they taste just like a Fake FC chicken escalope but are obviously about a million times healthier.  The real test though was to see if Looby liked it, Looby is fussy at 14, I made it for lunch yesterday though and got a big thumbs up so if my fussy teen will eat it then I'm sure yours will too!

Fakekushari is an adaptation of Kushari, an Egyptian meal, it's completely veggie friendly and I think it may also be suitable for Vegans but don't quote me on that

Ingredients

Heck Supergreen Veggie Balls

Puy Lentils

Spinach, 1 bag of baby spinach

1 tin of Butterbeans

1 tin of  chopped Tomatoes

half a teaspoon of cumin

half a teaspoon of Chilli Powder

quarter of a teaspoon of Cayenne Pepper

half a teaspoon of cinnamon

Salt and Pepper to season

Squeeze of honey (optional)

Method - 

Pop the veggie balls in the oven and whilst they're cooking take some prepared Puy lentils, season and pop in a wok or frying pan with no oil, if you do have to use oil, coconut oil is my chosen one, It's good for you and I like the taste. all you need to do is add some spinach a few moments from the end and you'll end up with a lovely mix.  

Next in a pan add the butterbeans, the spices and the can of chopped tomatoes and if you want to, add a squeeze of honey, this depends on how religiously you are about doing sugar free February but to me, it just enriches the beans, simmer everything down so it thickens and then plate it up.  

Now when I say that Looby is fussy, Veggie Abigail is about 15 times more fussy again and she ate everything, we also cooked up some Heck Bollywood Veggie Balls and added those and they were delicious and I've now got that perfect recipe for Mexican baked beans which I can assure you'll will go with a chilli or even nachos.

Now I want to add a caveat, Weetabix contain 1,7g of sugar in every 2 Weetabix but you'll probably use half a Weetabix so it really is a trace amount and remember, I did this a few years ago and I was religious about it and fell from grace about 4 months later as it wasn't sustainable, the way I'm approaching it this time makes much more sense and it means it's my life I'm changing rather than being "On a Diet".

I want to say a big thank you to my friends at Heck food for facilitating the ingredients for these recipes, it's always so lovely to collaborate with good companies who make healthy food and their range is amazing whether you are veggie or not, again, this was a collaboration but these are my honest opinions and I do not lie about good food!

Why I've decided to have a facelift at 44

Today is my 44th Birthday and the best present I've received is the notification of my first appointment to start the treatment that will lead to a younger looking me, yes dear reader, this isn't clickbait, I am genuinely having a facelift.

A couple of weeks ago I went for a consultation at the Queensway skin clinic which is part of Queensway dental, I met with facial aesthetics specialist Doctor Uzma Olbrich and we talked about ageing, my face and what she could do to help. As part of our joint collaboration I'm going to be writing about the process and will be sharing some before and after photos too, I'm going to tell you all of the good parts, I'll chronicle the tricky bits, the bits which might hurt and I'll be as honest about this subject as I have been about the rest of my life.  Uzma told me that often patients don't talk about this subject, sometimes not even their partner is aware of what they've had done because although it is a facelift, it's non surgical and when I say non surgical, I won't be going under the knife, I'll be awake throughout and over a period of weeks and months I'll have needles filled with hyaluronic acid injected into the problem areas of my face.  When the transformation is complete I should look younger, rested and like I've just had the very best holiday albeit without any tan.

The thing is you see, I'm 44 on the outside, with makeup on, on a good day, my friends tell me I can pass for mid thirties, when I see me on a morning though, with puffy skin, well let's just say that ageing is a cruel and heartless process.  On the inside I feel 35 and that's how I want to feel I look on the outside.  Wait too long and when you have the fillers you have to have so much that it doesn't look like you anymore, at my age it can be so sensitively done that all you'll see is the very best version of me.

As a feminist I believe we should have the choice to look how we want to look, if we choose not to shave our legs or arms and we want to go grey, it's our choice but conversely if we want to look like the best version of ourselves for as long as we want to, if we want to age so gracefully that we can look 60 when we're actually 80+ then that's our choice too.  For me it was an easy decision, I didn't have anyone else to consider and I'm not doing it for anyone else but me, I've lived with only my dog sleeping on the other side of the bed for the last 4 years and let me tell you, I doubt she's going to congratulate me for looking so youthful.

As women of the new millennium we have so much power than we did before, we are confident, forthright and not governed by old standards, if we look back at our parents, grandparents and how we watched them age, it's a great thing to be able to say "That's not going to happen to me, that's not how I want to do it" I've lived my whole life not conforming and I guess that's why it was easy for me to make the decision.

I'm the least vain person but I've always lived by the rule that if you are unhappy with something take action, don't just sit and whinge about it because that doesn't change anything.  That's why my sugar-free February plan starts tomorrow (starting it on my Birthday was never going to happen) I'm taking action now to change the whole of me on the inside and out because I want to live a long and happy life and because I want the body I'm in to represent the person I am inside. I am after all a confident, positive, strong and independent woman.

I'm Cutting Out Sugar For Sugar Free February

A few years ago around this time, I decided to go sugar-free to see if it would help with my health and weight loss, it was one of the best things I've ever done, I lost approximately 2lb a week, a ton of body fat (not literally but it felt like it) and my skin was amazing, I looked younger, healthier, and my hormones seemed to settle so I didn't have mood swings or 3pm tiredness, I had boundless amounts of energy and I walked the legs off Holly Bobbins.

Alas, that was 2015 and from late 2016 until late 2017 I had issues with my HRT and my Bipolar meds for various reasons and so I gained 2 stone from my thinner happiest weight and basically, I'm miserable with it all, I want to regain my health, my waistline and my good skin because with 44 just around the corner I have to stack the anti-aging odds in my favour and I'd quite like to live for another few years if I'm honest!!

I happened upon a post on Facebook announcing Cancer Research's Sugar-Free February and it piqued my interest.  Now I must state that I am not doing this for charity, I'm doing it for my own health, I've assembled a few friends and because a lot of other people are out there on the internet taking part in the initiative it seems like the best time to do it.

It's not even that hard, it's about swapping white rice, bread, potatoes and having brown rice, brown pasta, sweet potatoes, no crap (snacks, takeaways, ready-meals) and cooking as much as possible by scratch, perfect time to join a cooking box club if you're short on time and don't want to have to come up with the meals on your own.

I don't have sugar in drinks so that's not a problem and big bonus you can still have cheese and nuts something I feel particularly happy about.  All alcohol is off the table though as you have to give your body time to relearn the signals which help your brain know when you are hungry again, these signals can switch themselves off if you eat too much sugar and I want to give my body time to get to its optimum health again.  Once your body has readjusted, the odd glass of decent red wine with some dark chocolate is not going to hurt.

There are so many more resources out there on the internet now than the last time I did it but I love Davina's sugar free and you'll also find people like Joe Wicks eat in the same kind of way, oh and don't forget Doctor Michael Mosely and his blood sugar diet, they all follow similar kinds of rules.

I'm going to blog about this during February and I'll provide updates, I'd love you all to join me because there's definitely strength in numbers, let's all go into March being fit, fabulous and totally fantastic.

Who's with me?

Surviving Blue Monday

Today is Blue Monday, traditionally the most depressing day of the year, the funny thing is that we've only been taking note of this day for the last four years, perhaps it's a shame that it brings to light just how crushed the population feels on the 3rd Monday of January, I should state now, if you are reading this feeling really depressed please, please talk to someone, either the doctor or the Samaritans, the worst thing about depression is that it's like an abusive relationship, depression isolates you and tells you lies that you are worthless, it gives you anxiety and makes you question everything, it makes you feel like you are wrong in every situation and that everyone else is having more fun than you.  I have been there and I know, the only thing you can do is go and get help.  You can get better, you can live an amazing and fulfilled life, you just might need a little help and guidance to get you back on track, whatever happens though, you need to know, you are worthy, people care and there is always help available.

The January blues however, well they're a little different and it's something that most of us will experience at some point during the darkest month of the winter, is it any surprise when it barely gets light all day?  I know myself from going back to work outdoors on Saturday, the light at 11am was akin to indoor light and when I had finished 4 hours outdoors I was so cold that I wondered if I should have even bothered working this month.  Financially of course we all have to work but some days are more of a slog than others.

January is, as we've already discussed, guilt based, whether you are cross with yourself for feasting over Christmas or the stories and images on TV are bombarding you, making you believe that you are not good enough, just remember, it was those same adverts telling you to feast as much as possible in November and December.

I'm not going to lie, when you are self employed in the jobs I do, January can be bleak financially, no one wants outdoor portraits apart from the 5% who are brave enough to endure the cold, and even then, it's the most rescheduled month due to weather, sickness, I can't ever remember a January where I've exceeded my monthly targets and I think it will always be this way, well unless I move to a tropical paradise filled with sunshine and greenery.

Let's also factor in that last point I just made, in December our houses are twinkly fairy light filled, every corner is light up like some kind of tiny carnival, we have a huge tree (or several) proudly displayed, our houses are never really dark because of those aforementioned twinkly lights so it's no wonder than January in our homes can feel a little bare and colourless. 

Now I may not be able to help with your income, I may not be able to officially shorten January but I'm here to help with cheering things up, you see, there's a way you can brighten things up, well two really, you see this year, I left a lot of my fairy lights up, I have them in my lounge, my kitchen, my bedroom and my hall, the Danish would approve as it's very definitely Hyggelig.  I have another tactic to help with that, house plants, this year instead of being blue, Dobbies, my most favourite garden centres, are encouraging us to go green for blue Monday and thanks to them I now have a lounge filled with the most gorgeous, low maintenance succulents, cacti and a beautiful ginseng.

I change the theming of my fireplace with the months although the candles are a permanent fixture because I am the biggest candle fan, again, those twinkly candlelit evenings really help. So this month, it's really been brightened up with the addition of those gorgeous houseplants, I actually have always wanted a cheery cactus family and they're so low maintenance even I can't kill them.

I think one of the best things about houseplants is they're much more portable than a Christmas tree and you can even pop them outdoors in the summer months to decorate a nice lunch table if you're having a party, they really won't mind, in fact if it's a hot dry day they'll think you've thrown a party for them!  They're my happy little plant collection and they're definitely going to ensure that my my Blue Monday is a much cheerier affair.

I would also say if you have any sunshine at all today, go stand in it, let it kiss your face for twenty minutes because you will feel so much better and if you can't do that, vitamin D3 can really help, try to get a high strength one though, I mentioned one in my sparkly January article.

Another thing that helps me when I am anxious is to lie down and meditate, if you can't or don't want to meditate just try lying flat for a while and focusing on your breathing, take deep breaths and feel the oxygen circulating your body, at the very worst, you'll fall asleep and naps, well I'm not one to ever discourage a good nap!

Whatever you do today, please, if you can, focus on good things, we may only be halfway through the month, but yay, we're halfway through, a little positivity does really go a long way, now maybe get yourself out from hiding under that blanket, play music loudly, sing along to musicals at the top of your voice and if all else fails, just remember, the nights are getting lighter and it's only 64 days until spring!

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Achieving Balance In My Life

Dragging myself back to my desk this week has by no means been an easy task, I can't ever remember taking quite so long away from my business before and you know what?  It felt great, not even crickets communicated during the Christmas and New Year and whilst there were still enquiries and bookings for weddings and photo shoots, it all just felt like it was at a much easier pace, I replied at my leisure and no one questioned my approach.  Now I know that there are some emails which have to be answered within a few hours but it did make me wonder if I should be more mindful of just answering enquiries once a day instead of perpetually waiting with my inbox open waiting for emails to land, maybe it could be that I'm even sending emails way too keenly!

Life over the holidays was amazing, I must mention as well our new house sign for our gate which means that no one struggles with where to find us anymore, this is always an issue in our street but thanks to the House Nameplate Company the delivery drivers of the northeast thank you, I also think it looks smart upon my lovely blue gate, I love cost effective ways of smartening up my home.

During the break I also got to spend some time with my big girl (she'll hate me for calling her that), Abigail and I had a blissful couple of days in Lincoln which is the most gorgeous city, I loved the chance to spend time with her, we laughed a lot, we shopped and we ate, oh my God, we ate, my scales said scary things when I stepped on them this morning!  I don't care though, Christmas and New Year were lovely and I'll lose that weight and more now I'm back to my usual routine.

Abigail quite rightly says that she loves me but she could never live with me again as I would drive her insane and I know this about myself, I could never live with anyone again really, I know I'm difficult and a bit odd and once my children flee the nest I'm sure I'm one of those people who is destined to live alone in a tiny shoebox of a home, of course I'll surround myself with the most fabulous people and I'm not even ruling out a relationship but I think it's better in matters of friendship, family and dare I say, of the heart, that I, Mandy Charlton should always have my own house, my own space, my own hermit hole because I give better when I don't have to give 24 hours a day.  I know that sounds inherently selfish but I'm approaching my mid forties, surely it's better to cherish the time I spend with others rather than dreading that I have to spend the whole time with them, or them with me, like I said, I'm basically a weirdo extrovert introvert.

I don't want this to come across like I'm this unloveable person who only takes because that couldn't be further from the truth, it's actually more like, I love my friends and I want to give as much to my personal relationships as possible but full time I find it exhausting, some days I can barely deal with myself so I think it's more like self care.  You see, as I was saying to my therapist yesterday, I don't do anything by halves and love is a prime example of that, I always go too far and I'm mindful of the fact that the last year of my life has been the most well-balanced I've probably ever had and that's how I would like it to continue, I'm scared of becoming obsessive about anything at all although I'm a workaholic but that's fine because I'm at a stage in my career where I have to be obsessed with it, I have to have the strength to always carry on because I have children and a beagle to support.

More than anything this year, I just want balance and harmony, I want to build on the past, never look back and always be future forward.  The time has been and gone for looking backwards, it doesn't do any good and water under the bridge is exactly that, it makes no sense to sit and rehash it, you can't change the past after all, even if it was just 5 minutes ago (the unsend button in Gmail doesn't count).

7 Ways to Make January More Sparkly

In case you haven't noticed, it's January!

It's dark, I'm back at my desk and I'm guessing that you are too, it could even be the reason you are sitting at your screen reading this.  Let's face it, January is the darkest, bleakest month and most of us are in hibernation mode. I know amongst my own friends, very few of them are actually chipper and full of the joys of "Spring".

It's my first day back at my desk today and my overwhelming feeling is that I should have just taken off the whole of January. Photography outdoors on dull, grey days like today isn't fun, especially when you take the cold January temperatures into account. I'm sitting at my desk right now with my fake sunshine in the form of a SAD lamp trying to trick my body and brain into believing that it's actually much more summery than it actually is.  I am resolute though, yes it may be tumultuous weather, it may threaten to snow at any given minute, but this year I want to encourage everyone to make January more sparkly.

During the Christmas break I've been thinking and collected at least seven ways to make your January sparkle with some fabulous products. Hopefully these will make the first month of the year way better, and before you know it, Spring will be here!

7 Ways To Make Your January More Sparkly 

1. Make sure you're getting enough vitamins

If you really are feeling the winter blues, Vitamin D3 is guaranteed to help. I'm living proof - for the first year ever I'm taking a high strength Vitamin D3 and it really has made a difference. I can get up in the morning, my brain is actually functioning better and overall when I've used it along with Magnesium (which helps the body absorb the vitamin D3) and my SAD lamp, I've seen my moods be much improved from previous years. You can buy high strength vitamin D from here. 

2. Say goodbye to dark circles

On the first of February I shall be 44 and I'm not one for ageing gracefully. I'd like to hold back the hands of time for as long as I possibly can and thanks to wonderful products like Angel Eyes from Angela Langford Skincare I can do just that. I've been using this over the Christmas period and it really does help with dark circles under the eyes, not only that, you can really smell the cucumber.

3. Take time to pause and reflect

Amanda from The Chapel would like use to January to take more pauses, with her amazing candle collection which invoke the smells of different times of day. Isn't it nice to just to pause and reflect every once in a while? I've burnt the Oparus candle a couple of times now and it fills my home with heavenly scents. I've really tried to practice mindfulness whilst burning it, trying to focus on the scents of the morning and I think we all owe it to ourselves to pause during January, to help make plans for the year ahead because soon it will be time to go on new adventures.

4. Guilt-free chocolate treats 

This year I've been looking into the fact that January is so completely guilt based. It was brought to my attention by Naomi and all of a sudden my eyes are open to it all, the fact that we're encouraged to feast in December and then lose weight in January. Well Jim Jams spreads are totally not guilt based, they contain 83% less sugar than other branded chocolate spreads and they're even suitable for diabetics. I love that indulgence is still encouraged! They come in Hazelnut and plain chocolate flavours and January is the perfect time to try them.  I shall be swapping a certain other brand for these jars of tasty wonder.

5.  Add inspiration to your walls

I have walls full of funny or positive sayings around my house. I love the fact that wherever I'm sitting I can quickly glance at something which invokes a memory or encourages me even on the darkest day, so when I found a new plaque for my wall at Melody Maison I knew I had to have it on my wall - even reading it makes me feel better, stronger and more determined that this year I'm going to sparkle the heck out of 2018!

6.  Accessorise (and protect) your phone

Whilst we are on the subject of sparkling, I love my new iPhone case from Speck. Not only is it gold and sparkly it's also military grade and drop tested from 8 foot. Remember when protective cases used to be boring, black and reinforced? Well this gold sparkly one just proves that protective doesn't have to be boring and it also means I'm more likely to have a phone which survives my every day clumsiness.

7.  Redecorate and refresh your home

Finally, and this one is an introduction to what's about to happen, Looby needs a new bedroom. She wants to float on a cloud and January is definitely the month to plan redecoration, in fact we're off to B&Q tomorrow to purchase some Valspar paint so we can start the transformation. If you want to see what we do with her bedroom (which is currently a pit of despair) well you'll just have to follow the progress and I promise I'll be sure to share it once it's done.

Will your January sparkle?

So there you have it, I challenge you to use any of these products and not feel a little more sparkly, I'm determined that when February arrives I'm going to burst into it having sparkled my way through the darkest month. Stay tuned to my blog to see how I progress - January, I am coming to get you.

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Fake Sunshine Saved My Life

Sunday morning, just after 8am and I'm sitting at my desk with my new Beurer SAD lamp faking the bright sunshine needed to make me feel like it's summer and all is good with my bodyclock.  It arrived on Wednesday and I have to say that the thing is miraculous, for the first weekend in ages, I've just got up for work instead of thinking "I can't do it, I can't smile, I can't talk to people, I can't go out of my house". On the same day that my lamp arrived so did my super high dose vitamin D3 tablets recommended by my good friend Steve as well as my doctor, so I'm also taking 50,000iu a week.

When I eventually saw my GP, she asked me those questions "Have you thought about harming yourself?" I told her in truth that I had laid in my bed lacking the energy to even cry just wanting to be dead although I hadn't actually thought about killing myself, I also told her about being on a 12 week waiting list for CBT since January and suddenly I had call the next day inviting me to my first session a week on Monday.

At the same time I received a proposal to go on a travel assignment to Bluestone Wales tomorrow and  accepted in less than 3 milliseconds and just as we'd done that I was offered an emergency review of Crepeaffaire, clearly the Gods were on my side, they knew I needed sunshine, a break from real life and a hefty amount of sugar, in just one day the universe answered all of my prayers.

That's not to say that it's been an easy week, my head has been all over the place and I snapped at Looby who being hormonal ended up in hysterics, we chatted the next day about anxiety and being kind to one another as well as the fact that sometimes even the least shouty people lose it.  Thankfully I think she's forgiven me and I know that it was just a symptom of me having acute anxiety and being unwell at the moment.

Crepeaffaire was exactly what we needed on Wednesday, if you've not been before, it does what it says on the tin, delicious crepes done really well, we were already previous fans and though we tried the indulgent menu this time, I'll be honest and say they were just a little too sweet for me and I shall be going back to savoury the next time, if you have the sweetest tooth ever though you should really try the Reeses peanut butter, Looby loved the milkshakes and her crepe which I can't tell you what was in it as I wasn't allowed a taste, therefore I'll assume it must have been amazing.

On Friday we, with much excitement headed to the first day of the Christmas Continental Market which is on until mid December, it's based around monument and once that's finished it'll be replaced by stalls selling local crafts and foods in it's final weekend.  Now don't get me wrong, I love the continental market but it just feels like there's too much food, Looby gave it 5/10 because although there's a lovely Christmas feel to it, for us, it needs to have more things you can actually purchase for Christmas, we're big fans of the German Christmas market in Edinburgh and if it could be a little more like that we'd be delighted.  It'll be interesting to see how the second phase of Hadrian's Tipi and Winter Wonderland compares when that opens in a couple of weeks.  When we did try Hadrian's Tipi I wasn't actually all that impressed, yes it's warm and yes, it's dog and child friendly but £3.85 for a pint of lemonade is actually scandalous, I'd hate to think how much they're charging for alcohol!  For me, I also think you can't get away from the fact that it's been put up on a building site which is still full of rubble currently, I know in a couple of weeks this won't be the case but it's just not pretty or Christmassy as yet.

Tomorrow we leave for Wales, we have a 9.5 hour journey to get there but the middle of week looks about as relaxing as it can get and I'm looking forward to many, many Christmas themed activities too, I think it's really going to get us into a festive mood and I wouldn't be surprised if we end up putting up our Christmas tree shortly after we return.  I'm really on the countdown now, for my health and happiness more than anything, I only have 12 sessions to fill for the rest of the year so once that's done I can breathe and start marketing for January which has already thankfully started filling. January is a tough month as a portrait photographer but if we get snow you can bet I will end up being busy and I'm always super thankful for that!