I am fat!  There, I said it and it's not even a joke!  The truth is, I was at a happy weight and then I changed my meds for bipolar and my HRT and I ballooned out of control.  I've since reverted back to the original doses and yet my weight hasn't budged at all, put that together with the long winter where it was so dark and depressing that all I wanted to do was eat and sleep and....yep, things have seriously got to change.

The first thing I tried was cutting out sugar in February but I didn't last at all, for some unknown reason, I just didn't have the willpower I'd previously had, I've struggled on and off since then so when XLS Nutrition got in touch to ask if I wanted to be one of their #BoostBuddies I thought about it long and hard, if you've read my blog for any length of time you'll know I hate processed foods, I hate diet companies with false claims and you might even remember my big old rant about Slimming World.  

The thing is though, I was promised advice from a dietician, a personal trainer and there would be a group of us all doing it together.  I'm not being paid to do it, I'm simply receiving 8 weeks of product plus some new Sketchers and a Fitbit to help motivate me and so I accepted, after all, I'd just spent the last few months working on having a better face and so now, well it's time to change my body for the better too.

Last week I went down to the launch event in London, met my other boost buddies and after the indignity of being weighed, measured we were given motivational chats and a lovely healthy dinner, I came back with much excitement and started the plan on Thursday.

So, 2 shakes a day for weeks 1-4 and 1 shake a day for weeks 4-8, average expected weight loss, 2lb per week meaning a potential stone off in just 2 months.  For the last couple of weeks I'd already upped my activity levels, I'm not quite back to 10k a day but most days I'm on 8, sometimes 12 and I even did 15k when we were in Ireland.  The best thing about the shakes is that they're fully adaptable so if you want to have one shake for breakfast and one for lunch it's fine, if you want to have one for breakfast and one for dinner it's also fine and since I've realised that I mostly go out for lunch every single day that's the way I've been doing them.  I've never felt hungry through the day, it's only really around 9ish in the evening that I find myself thinking about food!  It's also been weird as I rarely eat breakfast and now I'm having it every day, albeit in 250 calorie liquid form.

So the plan is supposed to work with a simple calorific deficit, 250 cals per shake, 2 shakes a day, that's 500 calories leaving a potential 1000 calories for the other one meal a day if you want to lose one pound per week, that's based on the average woman needing 2000 calories a day to maintain their weight and 1500 calories per day if you want to lose 1lb per week.  I'm not sure I've even managed 1000 calories in the one meal other than a couple of days where I was out doing a review or out with the family at the weekend.  I'd say I'd done a pretty good job!

So, after getting weighed last Tuesday night I decided to weigh myself on a Tuesday and always in the mornings or I'd forget and I jumped onto the scales with glee this morning and...

I gained 2 pounds in weight, that's not supposed to happen, I'm supposed to be getting thinner not more rotund and if I am getting more rotund I want to do it by eating cakes and tasty foodie treats not Vanilla thick milkshakes twice a day, I don't mind sitting with the family whilst they have a tasty takeaway and I have a shake if I know it's all for the good of my health and waistline but I can't pretend that I'm not a bit disappointed, in fact I'm a lot disappointed.

Hopefully it's just a small glitch or my bodies way of adjusting to it's new way of life, I've never believed that you can control your weight by calories alone though so I have to at this point remain sceptical but I suppose this is the best thing about this experiment.  As an influencer and blogger, what I say holds so much weight (no pun intended) for you my dear readers and that's why I'm always going to be honest and I'm going to be blogging an update on this once a week and you'll be the first to hear me scream with glee if I step on the scales this time next week and my body has caught up with itself.  Just to say also, I have smart scales which are incredibly accurate and detailed so I know it's not a set of dodgy scales...if only!

Slimming World, an Indoctrinated Cult, part 227

Sunday morning and I've just climbed back into bed, the first day of October has brought with it rain, low light and all around bad photography conditions, especially when my day was supposed to be on the beach, many of my clients must have realised this yesterday as a lot of them had already rescheduled leaving me to break the not so unexpected bad news to the other couple.  I do hope that October gets its act together for the remainder of the month.

October is a funny one, it's nearing Christmas but it's too early to start seriously thinking about, it's the month of Halloween but if you're not a big fan of ghosties and ghouls then it's not got that much significance although I have promised Looby that it's going to be one of our home ed topics this month.

What October does give us though is usually the most splendid photography of the year, it's my busiest period and my favourite for the light (today excepted) which will only continue to get warmer and golden before sometime in November when it starts to get, well a little gloomy as the light levels fall, no matter then though as that's when the world starts to get twinkly, no with light and seasons and magic, the only ones I really worry about are January and February, dark forboding months, hopefully this year with all of that Hygge research they might be a little more bearable.

I read an article the other day which suggested that this is the busiest time of year on dating sites, it seems as we approach the cosier months of the year we all seek companionship a little more and I can understand that, I was just saying to Harriet the other day that it's been ages since I threw a dinner party, it's trickier now that I only have a table for four bottoms but I guess we could do teas on knees and a big bowl of slow cooker stew, maybe with a glass of warm dark red, for those who aren't so allergic!

One thing I am definitely treating myself to is a soup maker, there's that first autumnal day every year when I make the inaugural pot of soup, it's like a welcome to the warmth season, if you're making it, you get 10 bonus points if it's made with butternut squash or pumpkin.  It's funny that a couple of weeks ago I sorted out all of my cookery books, clearly, I was already preparing myself without knowing it. This leads me to my next point, that of dieting, I hate dieting, I love cake, it's been a battle ever since my HRT shenanigans and now I must do something, I briefly tried returning to Slimming World but it's more of indoctrinated cult than it is a supportive club, all of my issues were not only still there but heightened even more than they had been previously, I just can't be part of a club in which avocados are the enemy and also, whilst we're on this subject, I don't want to be clapped every week out of praise or sympathy, especially on the weeks where I already feel the world is too loud.  I've read many books over the last few years about nutrition and I have lost weight without the need of a club before so I've come up with a plan I'm calling "The Very Hungry Mandypillar" except I don't intend to starve, I just quite liked the name.  I'll let you know how I get on but I'm on a bit of a mission to be able to wear ballgowns for the formal nights on our forthcoming cruise to Norway  and not look like a beached whale, every time I look in the mirror at the moment I see Brian and Brian has got fat!

And so, I'll end this multi-paragraphed ramble in the hopes that someone, somewhere has at least enjoyed the emptying of my brain, I'm off to the shops to buy soup ingredients, squashes and avocados, just call me a Slimming World anarchist, go on, I dare you!

Why Pickled Onions Will Never Be Cake...

Let's face it, the darkest days of January are no fun for anyone, I know that Sweden, Denmark etc are busy embracing their Hygge but I'm not sure it's ever going to translate to Britain really, I think we the British, well, we sort of excel when things get a bit "whiny" shall we say, if people ask us how we're doing we say "oh, I'm ok" and then we quickly find things we can complain about like the weather, the light levels, the fact that it's not yet spring, things that deflect from why we're actually unhappy.

I feel right now that I need some sunshine, in 9 days I'm off to London to meet Mr F and currently I am as pale as a cucumber and my hips have about an extra stone of sponge cake on them, my quest to lose a stone in the first few weeks of January failed in style, don't get me wrong either, this week, as advised by the bouncy slimming world lady I swapped cake for pickled onions (yes, she really did suggest that) did it work?  Well erm, no, actually I put 3lb on when I weighed in last night, I am currently a rotund barrel of pickled onions, I hope Mr F likes a barrel-shaped jar of pickles in lady form.

I'm going, to be honest, actually meeting Mr F in the flesh (gosh that sounds ruder than it's meant) is currently feeling 52% exciting and 48% full on terrifying, I mean up until now, we've only really seen the top half of each other on Skype, what if he actually thinks me a fat buttered baked potato?  I realise it's not massively likely because I think he likes me for me, for my brains and wit (ha, it's bad to say this out loud isn't it, I'm not being arrogant I promise), well you have to hope so because if he's expecting Miss World to turn up and it's me, well that's not going to work is it?

Okay, so I've been on first dates before and I've mostly just winged it, none have been too disastrous but then it's probably because I didn't care whether they worked or not, this is different because whilst it's technically a first date, we have been Skype dating for 3 months, please tell me it's not all going to fall apart because my body is akin to that of a giant white jelly baby!

I think I picked the wrong week to rejoin Slimming World, withdrawing from medication plus a new healthy eating regime was always going to be a bit of a fail but hopefully getting back on the meds plus regaining my happy outlook and I should be able to say no to chocolate and yes to spinach once again, I love spinach, no, really, I do.  One thing we must note, though, Pickled Onions will never be cake and it doesn't matter how many ways you try to introduce that subject or theory (who's theory, I'm not entirely sure, clearly they're deluded) it's just not true, I get none of the pleasure from a pickled onion that I do from cake or chocolate and if I ever hear this untruth at any time in the future I shall be tempted to throw a jar of said pickles at the proclaimers head (not at the Proclaimers, they're lovely bespectacled geeky singers with guitars, I'm sure they wouldn't say such things).  We do know though and there's no doubt about this, my funny, my humour, my whimsical synapses, they're definitely returning and that's something to be celebrated and you know the best way to celebrate...

Slice of Victoria sponge anyone?

New Year, New Diet, New Me!

For the last week or so I've been feeling really tired and sluggish, the Christmas excess has truly hit me and last week when we went for our first 10k walk of the year I knew I had to get back to living much more healthily again.

Although I have no regrets about leaving Slimming World because I managed to maintain most of my 3.5 stone weight loss, I have now put on around a stone just basically because I love cake too much and the weather has been rubbish, at least I'm honest!

At my thinnest, I was still curvy and that's all I want to be so here and now it's time to get back to being healthy Mandy, it still irks me a little that I completed Couch to 5K and then promptly stopped but that's me, I like a challenge and when I've completed something I move on, plus if I'm honest I think I can burn just as many calories from a good dog walk.

Harriet also feels she wants to get back onto a healthy lifestyle program and I find that these things work better when you have support, she says Slimming World worked for her and so we're going to try a new group on a new day and I'll just adapt it by cutting down on sugar without replacing it with artificial sweeteners something I feel quite strongly about.

There's also the fact that the enzyme I lack which makes me alcohol intolerant is also affected by too much sugar so I'll be turning to books like Lean in 15, Davina's Smart Carbs and her new book, Sugar Free in a hurry which I've just ordered, when I was sugar free I can't tell you how well I felt, I could partake of the occasional glass of wine without worry, I had super skinny legs and I was ten levels above bouncy, yes it's probably time to go and break out the Agave Nectar, it's the only sugar substitute I actually love and it tastes great when you make a baked rice pudding with almond or coconut milk.

Look, I'm going, to be honest, I doubt I'll be giving up cake in all of its glory but if I can get it down to once a week and then maybe my own cake made with brown flour and honey or maple syrup then that can't be such a bad thing can it?!

What I won't be doing is swapping to skimmed milk and sunflower spread or Frylight, if you have ever looked at the ingredients in some of those things, well let's just say I believe you're far better having butter from grass fed cows, whole organic milk and cooking with olive oil if you can't dry fry.

With regards to exercise it's simply going to be a matter of getting out there for more 10k walks with Holly Bobbins and maybe the occasional 5k run a couple of times a month, I'm going to start again with the running and see when I find my boredom level, I think it's possibly somewhere around the 4k but if I can run from my house to Jesmond Dene, across Armstrong Bridge and back it's around 4-5k and with headphones in listening to bouncy music which makes your stride a little wider then that's not a bad thing.  If I can drag Harriet on some epic walkies with me too, well then that's half of the battle as you don't notice how far you are walking when you are with your best friend having a good chinwag!

And so, my plan to get back to happier, fitter, slinkier, bouncier me is underway and with a trip to London at the end of the month to visit Mr France, well that's just a little extra in the motivation station, if you are undertaking any kind of lifestyle changes then do comment and we can all supoort one another, lets all get fabulous in time for spring!

10 reasons to love January...

January, first month of the year and for me it's a month which I'll be honest, isn't my favourite month of the year. I don't mind if it snows, in fact I quite enjoy a snowy ramble with Holly Bobbins but you can keep your dark, wet, dank and damp and give me some sunshine in return.

Now there are reasons you might love January so I've compiled you a little list - 

1. You got engaged and you're planning your wedding, believe me I would love January too, well if you've happened upon my blog because you're looking for quirky places to get married in the North East of England or you're just looking for a wedding photographer in Newcastle you should probably read my post about my favourite Doctor Who themed wedding I shot last year and you should also contact me especially if you are just planning a smaller wedding.  I don't shoot a lot of weddings now but I'm looking to take on about 4 more this year so get in touch before everyone else does.
2. A lot of what I do now entails being commissioned to write about and photograph holidays, travel destinations and dog friendly places to stay so January is always a good month to start planning adventures even if it's a little while before you can actually escape, I'm always looking for new commissions so if you have a particular hotel, guest house or interesting holiday you would like me to review, photograph and write about do get in touch, I take on commissions from publications as well as the actual holiday providers themselves.
3. January is the best month of the year to have friends around for dinner and I've just heard today that if you (like me) have seasonally affective disorder then you'll find that hugs are a great help and can even work better than a SAD Lamp, although I'll be honest I've just got one of those too, I am determined to defeat it this year even though I don't think it's ever got light this week, even Holly Bobbins seems to think it's perpetually nap time (I know how she feels, I might just hibernate).
4. Speaking of hibernation, really if you are going to do that then doesn't January just have to be the best month of the year for duvet days? I'm thinking cosy bed socks, duvet or knitted blankets on the sofa and a pile of your favourite heartwarming movies.
5. January has to be the best time of year to visit a cosy coffee shop, particularly if it's dog friendly, then you can say you've taken your pet for a walk and warm up with hot chocolate and a slice of your favourite cake, I'm quite spoiled living in Heaton as we have Teasy Does It, Heaton Perk, BLK Coffee and Heaton Ingredient which are all dog friendly, Holly Bobbins is a big fan of them all.
6. Find your word for the year, every year I have a theme for the year and this year it's Adventure, it's been a long time coming and I plan to have as many as possible, I'm not entirely sure where they'll all take me or what they'll involve but for me 2016 is most definitely the year of adventure.
7. I've been thinking for a while that I really have a lot of things I want to do in my home, a grand decoration plan that might just happen, especially because I have lovely helpful friends, I'm planning total redecoration although it'll be on a budget but I really want to have a home I can entertain in as well as just feel excited to be in, after all it's nice to have somewhere amazing to come home to in between my travels and adventures, I think I need to start getting to grips with Pinterest!
8. If ever there was a month for getting the photos of your computers and cameras and printing them and putting them on your walls it has to be January.  I have a ton of photos I haven't printed yet and I'd love to get as many as I can into photo books and frames and onto canvases, it's a quick and easy way to brighten up any room and my own picture wall is ready for a makeover.
9. They say that January is the best month of the year for starting diets and exercise plans, well I'm not a fan of dieting but I do try to live by the Slimming World plan, it's been a Godsend to me and I've lost over 3 stones in weight, I also try to get out most days and do 10K steps, if you can do this in January you'll find you can do 15K easily by April.  I'm happy to say that I've been at my target weight now for over 6 months.
10. Box sets, box sets, box sets, if ever there were a time to catch up on all of the amazing TV you've missed whilst you were out being social in autumn it's got to be January, I can recommend Jessica Jones on Netflix if you need a suggestion.

Whatever you do this January, don't be beaten by the grumps, lets all just plan to make 2016 the best most fun filled year ever!

New Beginnings...

I'm sitting here writing this, the sun has just disappeared in a glorious sunset and I can still see it's red tinges as the world in front of me experiences the blue hour, that's the hour just after sunset, golden before, blue after, remember that!!  It's been another glorious day and a day when I decided to make a new start, to make some big decisions about the future, to resolve to go back to some old things....

You see, I've always been a positive kind of person and well over the last few months I'd kind of got bogged down a little by spells of depression, loneliness, blah, blah, blah....

I walked to the Dunston Staithes today to catch up with a good friend I hadn't seen for probably 3 years and as I walked my 6 mile round trip I contemplated on my life and how I could make it better, not just for me but for my children too.

First step, regain control of my business, it's so easy to delegate and perhaps in some ways it is the future but for now I want to get to grips with my own business again, it's best way to give great customer service and I need to look at how I'm going to make things even better for future clients.

Second step, say yes to more business things, start taking on short weddings again, I'm not going to lie, I lost my confidence a while back and getting it back has been difficult but look, I shot the most amazing wedding last week and I loved every second of it and if that means I can shoot weddings like this all of the time then awesome.

The wedding of Gemma and Sean at As You Like It, Jesmond

So if you are planning your wedding in 2015/16/17 and you would like to book a wedding photographer in newcastle  for a smaller wedding package, i.e up to 4 hours then please do get in touch 

I've also decided to just only say positive things and think positive thoughts, it always worked so well for me in the past and I'm not going to beat myself up because I know that yes, it's been a difficult period in my life but above all I still believe the most important things in life are love and happiness and love comes in so many different forms, I want to truly love the world and all of the people in my world and I want to celebrate the love that many families feel though the photography that I love, I'm rambling but to use the words of Ewan Mcgregor in Moulin Rouge "Above all else I believe in love, love is like oxygen, love is a many splendored thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love" or something like that anyway!

This weeks sessions in Jesmond Dene and Tynemouth have all turned out to be fabulous wonderful things, here's some previews.  If you would like to book a session this week in Jesmond Dene or Tynemouth we have availability so contact me now!

I'm not sure how long the positivity takes to have an effect but if tonight is anything to go by I have spoken to one of my lovely brides, I have been to Slimming World and lost another 2.5lb and I have come home and made epic burgers, it's all a starting point and I plan to embrace every second of every day from now on.

Davina's Five Weeks to Sugar Free - An Update.

So you may remember that I formally decided that I would give up all refined sugar, white flours and grains on my birthday and I did indeed start on my birthday weekend although I have to admit that my last alcoholic drink before starting was a glass of wine on the 3rd of February.

So it's been around a month and I'm entering the 5th week and what can I tell you?  Well you're probably wondering dear reader if I have found it hard and the answer would be, no, not so much, the tricky things have been eating out but I always seem to have found something I could eat and on one occasion I even had fish and chips, though I did of course take the fish out of all of the batter.

Cake avoidance has also been tricky when out with friends for coffee, especially if they're enjoying a scrumptious morsel but I've been pretty resolute and I know now that I definitely have will power and determination when I want to!

I think for me the best thing that has happened is the increase in energy, just after Christmas I bought my first Fitbit and I have gradually seen my activity rates creep up and now I am happy to report that I've never done less than 10K steps since 13th Feb and even when I have had office days and I'm working I've made up for it when I have come home, I've even done the last couple of thousand steps around my sitting room if necessary.

Last week at my official Slimming World weigh in I had lost 6lb since I started the sugar free plan but remarkably for me it's the inches which I seem to have lost, I wish I'd taken measurements.  I took a photo in the mirror when I was staying in Edinburgh earlier in the week and for the first time in ages I didn't totally hate what I saw.

I've 13lb to get to my target so still some way but I think if I can do it my leggies are going to look pretty brilliant.

I thought I would also share with you my favourite recipe I've created over the last month so here it is, I give you Chilli Con Quinoa

So first of all you have to cook the Quinoa, this is tri-coloured but I've also used the normal stuff which is fine also.

So you take your Quinoa, add double the amount of water or slightly more, give it a good salting, peppering and then add a heaped teaspoon of hot chilli power in (the one which contains paprika etc, not just chilli) and then cook until ready, Quinoa when ready goes slightly translucent but it's still got a crunch to it.

Now at this point you could eat it warm and add chicken etc but I like to let it cool down and then I pop it into a large container with chopped peppers and onion and then I keep it in the fridge and eat when required, the above photo I added beetroot and goats cheese and I can confirm that it was a super tasty salad which is syn free on Slimming World (as long as you count your goats cheese as a HEA) really filling, full of the right type of fats and totally delish!

Now I do have to admit that when I was at the bloggers event in Edinburgh on Thurs/Fri I had a tiny bit of alcohol and also some sugars but yesterday I was straight back on the sugar free wagon.  What I did find is that if you don't eat sugar and then you do it's actually quite a high for a while, peculiar how it seems to have a drug like effect, that can't be good can it?

What are you doing New Years Eve?

Yep, I pinched that one from the song dear reader, you can forgive me because when I was thinking about writing a blog post it kind of got stuck in my head.   It was either that or "The Perfect Year" and well you know, it hasn't exactly been the perfect year, next year maybe?

I'm pleased to report that my Christmas break has been full of friends, food and festive goings on and I'm having a lovely time off thanks very much.  I have been on epic dog walks every day and I have a very happy beagle puppy!

Excuse the me in this photo, I really do love going to places with Holly but I am awful in photos, even Looby says I have my eyes closed in nearly every photo of me, destined to be behind the camera forever and out of sight I think, haha

I caught up with friends and had festive drinks in town like a grown up, there was much laughter and slight tipsiness

I went out for lunch and Holly came too, in fact she's really never left my side for the whole two weeks, we live near so many dog friendly places it's easy to just do the things she wants to do.

We've had friends over to visit, some of them also have very cute doggies so Holly likes visitors just as much as I do.

and I think it's fair to say that Holly might have as many outfits as I do, except she looks amazing in everything!

So anyway, New Years Eve, it's always so filled with expectation and I think almost a pressure that it has to be the best night out/in of the whole year and quite often we all put far too much pressure on ourselves instead of just having a few drinks and enjoying ourselves.  There's a carnival in town which starts at 4pm at Monument and then moves down onto the quayside for 6pm and then there's fireworks, I am planning to go along with the kids, I really want to take Holly too but I'm not sure how she'll get along with the fireworks, doggy ear defenders maybe?  After that we'll be having drinks and party food and maybe some Singstar.  So at the moment it's just me and the kids but it's open house so if you're not doing anything or you're going to be on your own then come to our house, just email and we'd love more people here, you can even stay over (as long as I know you) and we'll make up the guest beds.

I'm back to work on Monday but in reality I have to catch up with newborns this weekend that I missed over Christmas so it looks like 1 newborn at home on Saturday, 2 photo shoots in Saltwell Park and  newborn at home on Sunday and that's me having a light work weekend!!

I haven't really thought about New Years resolutions yet but I am going to set myself a few goals both personal and professional, I think my main aim is to just continue in my journey to happiness, I remarked to Looby yesterday when we were out walking with Holly that I'm actually pretty blissfully happy reconnecting with friends and enjoying the company of Holly who really has healed my heart and made it shiny again, I love and adore her so much, she's such a tonic for a broken heart, you can't be sad around her because she's a cuddle monkey and she's so blooming funny, you never quite know what she's going to get up to next.

I'm hoping to get a lot more social next year so do drop me a line and lets fix up a date to go and eat cake or drink cocktails or maybe even come along on an epic dog walk!  I'm going back to Slimming World tonight, hopefully I haven't put on too much weight over the last couple of weeks, I think the 3-5 miles of dog walks every day has to make a bit of a difference...fingers crossed!

Being angry in an online world

Good morning dear reader, I hope you'll excuse me for writing this from under the warmth and comfort of my duvet, Looby has gone on a school trip and Abigail and Petunia are with their dad and it's a bit too chilly to get up yet so I've made coffee and come back to snuggle until it gets a lot lighter and warmer.

I wanted to write a really positive blog post today but I feel I can't hide the fact that yesterday made me feel so much sadder than all of the days which had gone before.  You see there I was on Twitter being cheered up by a friend when an online attack was launched at me on twitter, a foray of angry words from someone clearly hurting and needing help and reflection, I think sometimes we forget that we're living in an online world and words can be weapons from time to time, I think sometimes we may engage pen or stylus before brain follows through but I don't believe I have done anything which deserves what happened yesterday.  I asked him to stop, told him he was making the situation so much worse and he did thankfully but 1 panic attack later and a fall onto the bus scattering the change from my pockets all over the bus floor and I was left wondering just what more can I take without taking decisive action about the future.  My main goal since the beginning of this tragedy is that I wanted to remain friends not only for the health and well being of my children but also because I didn't want to have to try and erase 14 years of memories in my mind because they hurt too much.  I think when people are hurt, confused and devastated it can make them do strange things they would never have even considered, they make rash decisions without thinking about the consequences but whatever happens you must understand that there are ways of going about things and there are acceptable forms of behaviour and  unacceptable ones.

When you are hurting it's very hard to remain calm and dignified but you must for in many years from now you won't be able to erase the harsh words or thoughtless actions and then it may be too late to recover all of the friendship and happy times because they have been buried under a larger pile of unpleasant thoughts and words and deeds.

Be kind to yourself and others, treat yourself as you want to be treat, do good deeds, say lovely things and it will all come back to you so that you may live a peaceful life of happiness and one where you can forgive yourself and others, paranoia, ugly thoughts and anger will only lead to a long term life spent alone and bitter.

Two good things happened yesterday, firstly before I had a panic attack I managed to quite successfully stay at the desk in my office without having a meltdown and hiding under it, thanks to Helen, your coping strategy absolutely worked wonders so that's my tip for today on dealing with conversations on the return to life after a major life event, if someone asks how you are, just say fine and ask them how they are in return, completely deflecting the attention and creating a much more comfortable moment until you decide what to say at a later date.

My second good thing was that I got my half stone award on only my 3rd return visit to Slimming World, 8lb in 3 weeks which does go to prove somewhat that eating on trains and the Megabus isn't so good for your waistline and also I believe that when I lose some bulk when I look in the mirror I feel a little better about the face that stares back at me, one day I may even be brave enough to buy a full length mirror, not quite there yet and it's always a bit of a shocker when I go into changing rooms and see myself in full length mirrors, if I get to a size 12 I may take the chance and actually purchase one.

Today dear reader I want you to look into your mirror and see the face before you and give them a smile, they might have had a bad day but it's amazing what a smile from another person can do for your soul.

It's a weighty issue...

Today dear reader I wanted to talk about something personal which a lot of you will identify with, yes, lets talk about feeling big, fat and elephantine or at least feeling that way!  I went to Slimming World in April 2013 and lost 2 stone and then I left in February of this year and it all kind of fell apart.  Writing a book and constantly being at the mercy of food on trains is not a healthy way to live so I thought since it's September, start of a new term and I'm not planning on travelling this month I would go back to my favourite Slimming World group in Heaton, this time I have about 2 stone I want to lose which is a stone less than last time and you know what was wonderful?  Being welcomed back with open arms and hugs and just that wonderful feeling of being amongst others who understand.  I've always had issues with food, growing up being told I was fat or should be on a diet stands out from my childhood and understandably this has always stayed with me, it's an inner battle and I know that even when I lose the weight I'll still feel in myself that I'm not quite there yet but I'm also a strong enough woman (and I'm 40 for goodness sake) to at least accept myself and feel happier when I am thinner.

In my work I meet women of all shapes and sizes from size 6 to size 24 and we're all having the exact same issues, some men feel the same but I think the media doesn't constantly bombard them with images of how we should be.

Having tween girls is difficult because I don't ever want them to have issues with themselves, I think telling them they're gorgeous and beautiful and that they only have to be good enough is a great tactic but then I can't stop those extraneous social circumstances which makes young girls question their appearance, their weight, everything about themselves.  I do though believe that if you build a childs confidence up every day instead of criticism every day (another facet of my upbringing) they'll end up a lot more adept at just knowing how fabulous they are.

We as women need to pay much less attention to airbrushed models with overly long limbs (you know they stretch them with photo shop right?) wearing makeup which quite frankly makes them look like they've been injecting heroin into their eyeballs, it's not a good look!

So today I say, if you're not happy with your body do something about it but be realistic and look in the mirror and say you love yourself and learn to love yourself more every day, you know they say to be loved we first have to truly love ourselves.