I've never been one for complicated lists of new years resolutions which I'll promptly give up or forget about 3 days into January, usually my one resolution is to continue to be fabulous dear reader, both in life and in business!  I'm sort of half joking as that sounds a little arrogant so maybe the plan has always been to continue to be happy although I sort of fell off the log on that one too this year even if it wasn't intentionally.

I really wanted to have a list of goals for next year but I think that the first one has simply got to be to make it through the next year as unscathed as possible, divorce after all isn't exactly a joyful thing, looking at the positives in that though means being able to really move on and start again.  I always think each year should have your own personal buzzword, just one word to focus on and pull you back in times of need.  My word for 2015 is renewal or rebirth, it's the start of a whole new phase in my life, one which will hopefully end in completion and by that I mean that I end up complete, it's not the same completion as in Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro! it's a very good book/movie if you haven't read/watched it but it's definitely not a happy story!

If you're a regular reader of my blog you'll know that each week we have tasks to do on our family to-do board, usually they're all written by Looby as she comes up with much more interesting ideas than I ever could!  This week, number 5 on her list is Write an inspirational quote, so here goes :-

It is only once you have experienced the dark that you can truly appreciate the sunshine on your face.

So back to those New Year resolutions - 

1. Try not to be bitter

2. Try always to be positive

3. Try to learn from the past to move forward to the future

4. Try always to appreciate the sunshine on my face

5. Continue to surround myself with wonderful friendships

6. Love my friends and let them know how much I appreciate them

7. Don't let toxic people upset me in business or personal life

8. Be Happy and smile every day

9. Allow myself to make mistakes without beating myself up about it

10. Sparkle!

So, what's your buzzword for 2015 and what goals are you going to set yourself, remember that you should think about these things and don't just chuck a list of things together which you know you'll fail at by this time next week, it's good to write them down and if you don't get it right first time, don't get cross at yourself, no one is perfect after all!

Whatever you are doing tonight to celebrate the passing of the year and the birth of the new one make sure when midnight comes that you are happy and content, the birth of a new year is not the time to get grumpy!

What are you doing New Years Eve?

Yep, I pinched that one from the song dear reader, you can forgive me because when I was thinking about writing a blog post it kind of got stuck in my head.   It was either that or "The Perfect Year" and well you know, it hasn't exactly been the perfect year, next year maybe?

I'm pleased to report that my Christmas break has been full of friends, food and festive goings on and I'm having a lovely time off thanks very much.  I have been on epic dog walks every day and I have a very happy beagle puppy!

Excuse the me in this photo, I really do love going to places with Holly but I am awful in photos, even Looby says I have my eyes closed in nearly every photo of me, destined to be behind the camera forever and out of sight I think, haha

I caught up with friends and had festive drinks in town like a grown up, there was much laughter and slight tipsiness

I went out for lunch and Holly came too, in fact she's really never left my side for the whole two weeks, we live near so many dog friendly places it's easy to just do the things she wants to do.

We've had friends over to visit, some of them also have very cute doggies so Holly likes visitors just as much as I do.

and I think it's fair to say that Holly might have as many outfits as I do, except she looks amazing in everything!

So anyway, New Years Eve, it's always so filled with expectation and I think almost a pressure that it has to be the best night out/in of the whole year and quite often we all put far too much pressure on ourselves instead of just having a few drinks and enjoying ourselves.  There's a carnival in town which starts at 4pm at Monument and then moves down onto the quayside for 6pm and then there's fireworks, I am planning to go along with the kids, I really want to take Holly too but I'm not sure how she'll get along with the fireworks, doggy ear defenders maybe?  After that we'll be having drinks and party food and maybe some Singstar.  So at the moment it's just me and the kids but it's open house so if you're not doing anything or you're going to be on your own then come to our house, just email and we'd love more people here, you can even stay over (as long as I know you) and we'll make up the guest beds.

I'm back to work on Monday but in reality I have to catch up with newborns this weekend that I missed over Christmas so it looks like 1 newborn at home on Saturday, 2 photo shoots in Saltwell Park and  newborn at home on Sunday and that's me having a light work weekend!!

I haven't really thought about New Years resolutions yet but I am going to set myself a few goals both personal and professional, I think my main aim is to just continue in my journey to happiness, I remarked to Looby yesterday when we were out walking with Holly that I'm actually pretty blissfully happy reconnecting with friends and enjoying the company of Holly who really has healed my heart and made it shiny again, I love and adore her so much, she's such a tonic for a broken heart, you can't be sad around her because she's a cuddle monkey and she's so blooming funny, you never quite know what she's going to get up to next.

I'm hoping to get a lot more social next year so do drop me a line and lets fix up a date to go and eat cake or drink cocktails or maybe even come along on an epic dog walk!  I'm going back to Slimming World tonight, hopefully I haven't put on too much weight over the last couple of weeks, I think the 3-5 miles of dog walks every day has to make a bit of a difference...fingers crossed!

And so this is Christmas...2014

Good morning dear reader and Merry Christmas, I hope that you had the most splendid of days and that your boxing day hangover isn't too bad this morning, if it is then I suggest a quick Bloody Mary might be just the ticket, I'd have one myself but I need the coffee first!

Yesterday exceeded all of my expectations, we had a truly brilliant Christmas day, a little different to the last 15 years but really, I think having friends over for Christmas is such a brilliant idea that I want to do it every year, I also want to have an open house policy at Christmas because I truly believe that no one should be alone at Christmas.

I didn't take a lot of photos yesterday because to be quite frank if I wasn't cooking or eating I was generally kicking back and having fun.

Obviously there are just 1 or 2 photos of Holly, she's so blooming funny and cute, she was like an overexcited toddler yesterday and definitely overtired by the end of the day, so much so that she didn't even wake me up until 8am and even then it was by jumping on the bed for a huge cuddle!

I think all of the above photos were taken on Christmas eve just in case you're wondering why Looby is dressed and then in pyjamas and then dressed again.

Christmas day started off at a really respectable time, in fact it was around 9am when the kids finally got up, Holly and I had a lovely hour on our own having cuddles from about 8ish, it was certainly a very gentle start to Christmas day.  First present Looby got was a unicorn, she requested a unicorn specifically but because I couldn't fit a real one in our house I thought a knitted one might work just as well.

Abigail doing her self tickling face....no I don't know either!

Holly got a lovely Christmas outfit to wear and it was greatly admired when we went for a lovely Christmas morning dog walk down to the park!

Despite what you would think Li and I only drank 2 bottles of Prosecco yesterday, it seems we're quite good at fun family portraits and the ones with me in them were taken by top photographer Looby, I wonder if I could send her to future portrait sessions.

I have to say that I really excelled myself with Christmas lunch yesterday, a huge rack of pork was a massive success, Iain and Looby both has poussin and I don't think anyone left anything, it was simply yumptious!

Holly loves Li's daughter, new best friend!

and in the midst of all of the Christmas chaos Looby set up her foot spa and read a book whilst we all got vibration related illnesses, how noisy are foot spas?

We played festive bingo afterwards for chocolate coins and then we settled down for Dr Who which was pretty good, I'm not sure it was my favourite Christmas Dr Who but to be honest I need to watch it again when I can properly concentrate on it.  After that everyone watched Miranda (recorded for later for me) while I made a huge Christmas buffet supper full of yummy treats though we all mainly just picked at stuff!

Today is all about taking it easy, the girls are going to their dads for Christmas number 2, Li is going to her mums for Christmas number 2 and Holly and I shall be very much in relaxation mode, i'd stay in my pyjamas if it wasn't for the fact that I've promised her a very long dog walk.

Whatever you get up to today, have a fabulous Boxing day and I'll be back in a few days with more festive tales.

Happy Christmas Adam

You know that Adam came before Eve right?  Yep it's officially Christmas Adam dear reader and tonight will be the night before the night before!

At chez Mandy we are definitely in the Christmas mood and I have a couple of friends popping in today, thankfully after the cleaner comes as my kitchen looks like it's had a volcano go off, either that or malevolent pixies have snuck in during the night to trash the place.

I'm still struggling with feeling festive, our house is so quiet that it just doesn't feel like the usual festive chaos I love so much, I haven't even wrapped any presents yet, Looby has been my wrapper this year and has done just about all of them except her own, I've told her I need to try and actually stay awake tonight when she goes to bed so that I can actually wrap them as tomorrow night she wants to go to Midnight Mass, that's the new tradition we've chosen to start and as the kids are older and it's not so necessary for them to be in bed super early I like the thought of all going to Church for the midnight service instead of the afternoon one and then coming home and opening a present before we all go to bed, this of course will hopefully help with sleeping in, even my dog likes a lie in!

Holly seems to be loving her first Christmas, she's very good at festive posing and also eating the Christmas tree decorations.

I'm so thankful that she came to live with us, it's really helped me focus on happy things as I have to admit I'm finding the whole season of Christmas a tough one this year and I know that some of you who read this are also in similar situations or just situations where you don't feel full of the joys of the festive season.  My offer still stands to anyone on their own or feeling low, just drop me an email and come spend Christmas (or any part of the 2 week holidays) with us, the guest bedroom is only being occupied for one night so we've plenty of room and Waitrose delivered enough groceries to feed a small army so you really won't be imposing!  Don't spend Christmas alone though, that truly would be sad.  I hear somewhere that 5 million britains will spend Christmas alone this year and although I can't promise to find room for 5 million I'm sure we can squeeze in a few extra bodies.

Today is all about friendship, mince pies and mulled wine and with that in mind I better go and actually start making the mince pies, luckily I made the mince meat last week and the pastry is in the fridge, I like to simplify as much as possible at this time of year.

One amazing thing has happened, I've dropped another dress size, that truly is a Christmas miracle, I feel lighter than I have ever been, in fact childhood withstanding I know I am the lightest I have ever been, we'll put that down to flu, dog walking and copious amounts of hot water with lemon, it's very good for the constitution you know!

I hope whatever you do this Christmas Adam you get to do it with the people you love and adore, now go give them a big squishy cuddle or maybe a squeeze under the mistletoe.

2014, a year in review...erm, maybe not

I think it's fair to say that 2014 has been for me a bit of a rough one, there were good things which happened don't get me wrong but on the whole everything that happened ended up being consumed by final collapse of my marriage and it's been like a death really and I find now that some days end up being harder than others.  There are some core things which I hope I've held onto though, I think even though inwardly I beat myself up and think I'm letting my children down the fact remains that I am a pretty good mum with the most fabulous children.  I wrote them all long messages in their Christmas cards thanking them for being amazing.

I didn't really get around to sending out cards to all of my wonderful friends but the chances are that you're one of the people reading this here blog and so let me say this now...

You guys, you're the ones, the reasons I'm here today, still relatively well balanced and in charge of my life, my business, my kids and I guess my destiny.  You will never know just how thankful I am for each and every one of you.

I guess you could say that the cruelty of one person revealed the warmth of human kindness of a multitude.

This little wonder has made the end of the year very happy, even if I am 1 rug down and my vintage milking stool only has 2 unscathed legs, this week we're dealing with Hollys first season, Abigail has taken her under her wing telling her hormonal girls know how hormonal girls feel, I hope they don't plot to kill me ;)

I'm going to work today because I just can't let 5 families down, the chances are that this is going to completely wipe me out for the rest of the weekend but hopefully given a nearly 2 week break at the end of it makes it doable.

To those of you in emotional pain this Christmas do remember that in just a couple of weeks it will be 2015, if ever there was better time to start afresh it's just around the corner and you know, we're all amazing really, you can choose to be anything you want because there's so much more ahead of you than there is behind you.  If you're unhappy, you have the power to change it even if you might not feel that you do, it's in there though burning away and the second you are ready grasp onto it run like hell until you find the happiness you desire, in fact if you want a running partner then run with me and we'll all go and grab that happiness together.  Things are better when there are more of you than just 1!

I feel my blogging may end up being a little erratic over the festive holidays, I'll still be popping on and writing my scattered thoughts at varying times but I find I'm planning nothing and seeing where the wind takes me (not my personal wind) so let me take this opportunity to say thank you for being my readers, my friends and I hope you all have the merriest Christmas ever.

Anyone need a tipsy Auntie for Christmas?

Friday dear reader and never has it taken so long to get to the end of a week.  This week has just been awful from a health point of view, I don't think I've ever been as ill with flu as I have been this week and it's only today when I've woken up that I finally feel like I'm turning a corner though judging by the fact that I also woke up with all of my hair stuck to me I still have a little way to go before I am back to tip top health!

It's a relief though as I'll be able to get out to do the 5 planned photo shoots in my schedule tomorrow but I'll do them knowing I can come home and go straight to bed afterwards and any Christmas shopping I haven't done yet, well quite frankly it's just got no chance although I do know that the Christmas elf who brings us all new pyjamas on Christmas Eve probably still needs a little help. Thank goodness then that I did my Christmas grocery shop weeks ago and that's all getting delivered on Monday afternoon (though goodness knows where I'm actually going to put it all, anyone got a spare fridge?).

I managed to get 2 books ordered for myself so that I have something to occupy me whilst the girls aren't here, I'm just a bit sad that I'm not excited about Christmas, every year all I ever wanted were huge family christmases, the ones where you have to have 3 separate christmases to fit everyone from your family in, well I've achieved a family so huge I could fit them all into a half hour of Christmas. I know you hear people complaining about drunk aunties in the corner or snoring uncles but I'd love that, i could even be the tipsy auntie in the corner if anyone needs one?  I've been thinking this week and crying a lot which is I think due to flu but also due to the realisation that this year has been pretty horrible and I feel responsible for the pain I've caused my children and myself I suppose.

My offer still stands to anyone who's feeling lonely over the Christmas period, if you have no one please do consider my offer and come to our house, the best thing about 2 or 3 lonely people is that you put them all together and the loneliness isn't there anymore.

This Christmas let us all hope for togetherness and then we can celebrate that!

The curse of flu

I came down with flu on Saturday tea-time quite suddenly and managed to work on Sunday but since then I've been pretty much housebound which isn't fun at all, so far this week I've had to reschedule meeting 2 new borns because I'm too ill to leave the house and there's no way you could risk giving a tiny newborn actual flu.  I know we're always saying "Oh I've got flu" when really we just have cold, I'm sure I've probably done it myself but I promise from this point on to never confuse the 2 things ever again.

I can't remember feeling so completely horrid for so long for a very long time, in fact probably the last time was about 2010 when I had flu.  I'm so lucky to have Iain who has been taking Holly out for her walks, I've managed to get out once a day for walkies but today I'm totally and utterly beaten, I've pretty much slept for the last 24 hours, can't eat because I have no appetite and anything I do try tastes like cardboard.  Iain even went to get me some aspirin and brought back some Lucozade saying in his opinion I should try that, I have a brilliant son!

There really isn't much else to say at the moment, yesterday I wanted to burst into tears every half hour because of that awful depressive low you get with proper flu, I realise that crying isn't going to make anything better and I guess I was just so sad at the entire situation with Christmas and my failings in so many areas, financially, emotionally, practically, I was supposed to be decorating Abigails bedroom this week and I haven't even made it off the sofa today, every single inch of my body hurts and the chills caused by the high temperature have just made me want to go and sit in a sauna which probably wouldn't have been a good idea considering that you have shivers because you're actually too hot.

I'm so grateful for Holly, she's such a chilled little beagle, apart from the mass destruction of anything made of wood, Iain took her out this morning after I regaled him with the news that she'd even had a go of eating the TV stand and my vintage milking stool will never be the same again.  She's a happy little puppy though and hugs me lots, 2 new toys have arrived today for her and she loves her new bear which has no stuffing and her doggy entertainment toy where she has to find the treats, took her about 10 minutes to figure that one out, she's a clever little beagle.

I'm supposed to be working tomorrow afternoon but whether it will happen is another thing entirely, the aspirin seems to have worked so much better at bringing my temperature down than the paracetamol (thanks Sue for that advice), whatever happens though I must work on Saturday, it's my last day for 2 weeks and if I don't we'll probably be sticking pictures of turkey to the walls and licking them instead of being able to afford the actual real life Christmas lunch.