Photographer of Families, Small People and Delightful Places, Travel and Lifestyle Writer and Blogger, Lives in Newcastle, Loves the North, Often Accompanied By A Beagle Named Holly Bobbins

Sunday, August 30, 2015

One Year On, Just Being Me!





It's funny I think how we fixate on dates and anniversaries, I'm pretty sure it's a female thing, 1st February, my birthday, 14th April 2000, date I got married, 4th September 2014, the date my husband walked out on me...

I remember writing at the time that I wish I was a year on, or even 6 months because I knew that I would be better, that life would improve, that my heart wouldn't feel quite so broken.  So now I sit here just approaching the first anniversary of that momentous day and truly I do feel better.  Don't get me wrong, there's still an ache in my heart which may always be there, it creeps up on me every now and then and suddenly I'll feel catastrophically sad, I still ask myself the same unanswered questions, where did it all go wrong?  What did I do wrong? Could I possibly have saved it?

For the most part though, I am happy and bouncy and quite possibly even more whimsical than I ever was because it's quite possibly the first time in my life I've actually enjoyed being me on my own, making my own company, having conversations with my dog, she doesn't always answer but I'm sure she knows exactly what i'm thinking.

So much has changed in the last year, I rescued myself and I not only rescued my business but completely turned it around, I blogged my way not only back to happiness but also to success, I sit here today with excitement in my stomach that in just a few weeks I depart for my first international travel writing/photography assignment, the anticipation to see Rome and Barcelona in November is the thing that I'm holding on to whilst my girls are in Majorca with dad at the moment.  I hope it's the first of many assignments which will help me tick some treasured places I've dreamed of photographing, it's quite a long list but I get stupidly excited when I go on airplanes, just taking off makes me feel giddy, you know that bit where your head is pushed back into the seat as the acceleration and G force kicks in, it's a simple pleasure I suppose but it's connected to adventure and you all know how I love an adventure.

Whilst I can't say that this has been the best year of my life, I can say that in retrospect it's been a lot better than I ever imagined it would be, I want to give hope to you if you're sitting there reading this in the place I was this time last year, just keep holding on, those first few weeks and months seem like an eternity, one day though, you'll wake up and smile and feel happy again, it takes time, it only really happened to me one day during early summer, I felt happier than I had felt for years, I guess it was the day I knew I had become me again, the new me, the me I quite like, I'm a stone lighter than I was this time last year, there's an eternal battle between me vs the cake but a certain beagle ensures I get enough exercise to beat it, well just about...

I have great friends who've helped me get to the place I am now, they've laughed with me, cried with me, hugged me when I needed it and said nice things when I couldn't even bear to think them of myself.

This next year, well I'm just putting this out there but for me it's going to be the best year ever, I intend to travel and work (possibly combining the two) and I'm going to make sure I have the happiest children (and dog) on the planet, I want to spend time feeling the warmth of sunshine on my face and I want to have the glow of happiness in my heart.  You never really know what's around the next corner but if you set out to believe that there's happiness and adventure then I think maybe you're giving yourself a head start so lets all just do it, lets all just say that today, tomorrow, next month, the next year will be the very best!
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