Last week was a week I'll never forget, it was the week that Looby chose to tell me in her own special way that she is gay!

The event went like this...

A text message which said "Come to the shoe cupboard"

I went down to the shoe cupboard and there she was sitting in the cupboard holding out a cake which she'd just baked and decorated, on the top of the cake it said (in rainbow coloured icing of course) "I'm Gay".   Now for anyone who knows Looby, she's my quirky comedy child so when she followed that by asking "Can I come out of the cupboard now?"  I burst out laughing and replied "I think you mean the closet?"

After that I asked her if she was sure, if she might be bi-sexual or pan sexual but she said no, she's definitely gay and she's known for a year.  I cried, she cried and I told her "Looby, you can be anything you want to be, just don't be a moron" and gave her the biggest hug.

Abigail had known since just after Christmas and Iain simply said "oh, okay" followed by his two best friends asking if they could be Looby's gay Godparents.  We ate cake and inside me, I was just so full of pride (no pun intended) because it must be something quite difficult to come to terms with when you're a teenager, societal norms still mostly evolve around hormones meaning you'll be attracted to the opposite sex, in fact, thank goodness she's no longer at a Catholic school where gay relationships aren't talked about at all and in fact, they're still seen as wrong.

The thing is, I've brought my children up around the best of all people, I've never worried about anything other than not bringing them up around morons and they've seen straight people who are terrible at relationships and LGBTQi+ people who've had long lasting, beautiful relationships.  

I actually thought we were moving into a world where there is no prejudice but two of my children's friends lately have told me that their parents didn't support them coming out or that they can't tell their parents because they'll be angry or worse and to me, that's such a sad statement, in fact I've told them they can live in my cupboards if necessary.

I don't know why we live in a world that still judges people on their sexuality, surely the only thing that should define you are your actions and ergo, just don't be a dick!

I know now, as I've always known and told my kids, that I don't care what they do, who they are, as long as they're happy.

I did have a more serious chat with Looby just to make sure she's okay, she doesn't need, help or advice from friends or organisations but she's so zen with her own self that I can't fail to be proud of her.

I do have to admit something though and it's just between us, when she told me, somewhere in the back of my mind I could hear myself thinking "gay, but, but, you're little Looby, aren't you still 3 years old and only thinking about horses" . The realisation that even my baby is now a grown up makes me feel, very, very old!

My Teen Did The National Citizen Service, You Should Sign Yours Up Too

This Summer, Abigail took part in the National Citizen Service, a 4 week programme designed to make the teens of today better citizens and which helps them become better individuals.  She undertook a 4 week programme during the summer holidays which started with the first week at an outward bounds adventure type place and ended with committing to a social action.  I just want to say a big thanks to everyone who did NCS with her for granting me the usage of these photos, apparently I became a bit of a legend when they discovered I was verified on Twitter (apparently an easy way to impress the teens of today).

If you've not heard of the National Citizen Service or NCS as it's now more widely known here's the information straight from their mouths.

About NCS

NCS is a government backed programme established in 2011 to help build a more cohesive, mobile and engaged society. By bringing together young people from different backgrounds for a unique shared experience, NCS helps them to become better individuals, and in turn better citizens.

NCS is open to 16 and 17 year-olds across England and Northern Ireland. The two to four week programme, which takes place in school holidays, includes outdoor team-building exercises, a residential for participants to learn ‘life skills’, a community-based social action project and an end of programme celebration event.

To date:

• Almost 500,000 young people have taken part
• Twelve million hours of community action have been completed
• For every £1 spent, NCS’  2016 summer programme delivered between £1.15 and £2.42 of benefits back to society

It costs participants just £50 or less to take part in NCS and bursaries are available on a case by case basis. Support is provided for young people with additional needs.

To find out more visit NCSyes.co.uk.

I cannot say enough good things about NCS, Abigail loved every minute from the white knuckle activities in week one when she was staying in Yorkshire, then onto a week spent living in student accommodation and learning to be more independent and finally social action, through the Inspire Network Abigail connected up with Michelle Robson from Smart Works, a UK charity which provides women in need with interview clothes, styling advice and training to help them get the job of their dreams. Together their social action was about ending period poverty and they raised over £100 which went on a 3 month supply of much needed sanitary products to give to the charity.

When it came round to the celebration, Abigail was one of the hosts, she shared her experience in front of the whole wave, my brilliant teen had achieved so much again and all whilst waiting for her GCSE results which she also excelled in. The experience was so transformative for her, perfect for a girl who's always looking to fulfil her next goal, I know the friendships she made at NCS have remained and without a doubt the experience will stay with her always, I still can't quite believe it's only £50. This autumn during half term is your chance to sign your teen up for the autumn edition for only £25, it's 4 days away from home, 3 days learning new skills, 30 hours of social action on an issue they'll feel positive about, a time to chill out, make new friends and pick up some new skills for the future, you really should sign your teen up for the autumn NCS, I promise they will thank you for it. To sign up for only £25 for a limited time when you enter code AUTUMN25 visit NCSyes.co.uk

This is a collaborative post with the NCS

Signing My Teen Up For The National Citizen Service

Abigail, not known for sitting around and lounging about has decided that this year after finishing her GCSE's that she's going to do the National Citizen Service, or NCS, in fact she's already signed up for it, but what actually is it?  It seems teens know the most about it so I took some time to ask her some questions about it last week.

What is the National Citizen Service?

"NCS is a government backed programme established in 2011 to help build a more cohesive, mobile and engaged society. By bringing together young people from different backgrounds for a unique shared experience, NCS helps them to become better individuals, and in turn better citizens. 

NCS is open to 16 and 17 year-olds across England and Northern Ireland. The two to four week programme, which takes place in school holidays, includes outdoor team-building exercises, a residential for participants to learn ‘life skills’, a community-based social action project and an end of programme celebration event.

At a time of huge political uncertainty, where division is more evident than togetherness, NCS is a powerful tool to ensure the next generation see more in their similarities than differences.

In a nutshell, the programme:

1. Puts young people through a series of challenging activities to take them out of their comfort zones and develop their strength of character.
2. Provides a progressive journey that hands over more responsibility to young people as the programme progresses and develops leadership skills necessary to succeed in the workplace.
3. Enables young people to connect with their communities through social action. 

To date: 

1. Almost 400,000 young people have taken part
2. More than seven million hours of community action have been completed
3. For every £1 spent, NCS’ 2016 summer programme delivered between £1.15 and £2.42 of benefits back to society

NCS is amazing value for money. The whole experience including food, accommodation and travel costs just £50 and bursaries are available on a case by case basis. Support is also provided for young people with additional needs."

Okay, so that's the official blurb but I asked Abigail why she would want to spend her summer holidays doing this, it is after all 4 weeks out of a teens life and that means they're going to lose a lot of sleep, you know how they love sleeping in until 4pm.

She told me though that it's going to be something else she can add to her CV, I joked that she might already have enough things like working for Unicef and being a youth MP and leading the debate in Parliament last November, seriously my CV is never going to be as impressive as that though.

She also told me that they spend time at an outward bounds type of place where they can do rock climbing, abseiling, basically a week of adrenaline fuelled activities and the kind of thing she'd never get to do with me because my alias is Scare D Cat.

So that's basically the first stage which is called Adventure (the course is split into 4 weeks and 4 distinct stages.

Stage 2 is Discovery and this is where your teen will learn new skills, things they can add to their CV but also fun things, I noted photography and editing, I wonder if I can get her trained up, I even read that it might help you learn skills you could use to start your own business.  This stage takes place in a university style setting so she's going to be staying in dorms with friends, in fact she's sharing with one of her best friends who's also doing NCS this summer.

Then we're on to Stage 3 which is Social Action so they're going to be in teams in the community making a difference to other people's lives, this makes me so proud as a mama that she won't just be spending the summer sleeping!

Finally we have stage 4 which is Celebration and this is where our beloved teens celebrate their achievements and in doing so they unlock cool rewards, discounts and even get exclusive access to the best volunteering opportunities.

I have no doubt in my mind that the NCS is going to add so much value to Abigail's life and when Looby is the equivalent of year 11 (obviously being home educated we don't have the same structure) there's no doubt that I'll be encouraging her to do it too.  They're both very different teenagers but the NCS caters for that and it's basically the teens who are in control of the things they want to do (with a little guidance).

I think as a parent school holidays can be so costly so £50 for all of the travel, accommodation and meals is quite simply the best use of a parents money this summer, I can tell you from my experience a summer of bored teens at home is a costly experience for the Bank of Mum.

I'm really looking forward to Abigail doing the NCS this year, we'll be going on holiday when she's finished her exams so it's not like she's going to miss out on that and then she'll be off on her special adventures for the rest of the summer.

To take part in the NCS teens must be at least 16 years old by the 31st August in the year they're doing it so they can essentially do it when they're 15 as long as they'll be 16 by the end of August.  Looby's birthday being in September means she'll be nearly 17 by the time she does it.
There are still places available for Year 11s to take part in this once in a lifetime opportunity this summer. To sign up now, go to the NCS website. use this link

This is a collaborative post with the NCS.

Every Moment Counts

I was talking about this last week on my blog, how the moments of childhood pass so very quickly and pretty much every moment counts.  I've been trying to live more mindfully over the last couple of weeks, I've really slowed myself down, I've taken my camera out of high speed shooting again and I'm back to shooting the way I used to, mindfully, taking my time, and making sure that each precious  image I capture is exactly the way it's supposed to be.  In our lives at home I'm trying to be more aware and more present in the time we spend together and in the last week at least, by catching up on editing so I'm completely up to date, it means I have more time during the week with Looby, something I feel that is so important.  Yes we still have times of work but she needs those as much as I do on our home education journey.

This week I've been taking a challenge called "Every Moment Counts" it was set by Families online and when they got in touch to ask if I wanted to take part, I had to accept, a chance to take at least one mindful image every day for a week, it actually proved to be more of a challenge than I thought even though I do take photos every single day whether that's on my iPhone or on my camera.  I'm happy with what I did though, if anything it proved to me why living mindfully is the way forward, as someone who can be accused at living life at a million miles an hour it's so important that I slow down and enjoy the present, the now, the immediate because otherwise time does pass so very quickly and before you know it, well let's just say I don't want to get to 100 years old and have regrets.

So here are my seven moments from last week - 

1. Together, I caught them unawares, they really are the best of friends, Holly and Looby have a real sisterly relationship and from time to time they do get grumpy with each other but at the heart is real love and togetherness.

2. Tradition, last week we were learning about Hygge in our home education and Looby wrote the Hygge manifesto, Hygge is so full of tradition and gets the Danish through the cold winter nights and the darker times of the year, we really did learn a lot about them last week.

3.  Laughter, yes, Looby the comedian who thought I wouldn't notice that she'd put a giant bear in the trolley at Costco, she thought she was hilarious and much laughter ensued.

4. Three things - self explanatory really but Abigail came over and they're teaching Holly to be the ultimate agility dog, I have to say she's doing so well and enjoying it, Looby is buying weekly agility training things and how long, I wonder before we see Holly Bobbins at Crufts?

5. Colourful, there's no one more colourful than Looby and her new autumn jacket is proof that we don't need to conform to the dark colours of a uniform code anymore, it's no wonder that she's so happy since we started our home education journey.

6. Love - No explanation needed, Holly adores human sister Looby

7. Reflection, yep, we could have gone for a thoughtful photo but no, Looby is still trying to teach Holly to self actualise, Holly of course just thinks another girl and her beagle live on the other side of that glass!!

So there you go, 7 moments from the last week of our lives, some were just phone moments, a couple were with my camera but each one is special and precious, we can use technology for good I think, as long as it's not all the time, something which I'll be reminding myself of as we go through the rest of the year and beyond.  It's over to you now though, what are you doing to ensure as a family that each moment counts?  I'd love to hear your comments and ideas.

Home Educating My Teen, Our First Week

Oh, hey you, remember me?

Yes, I know, I was trying to blog more often you know but the first week back after summer always seems more than a little chaotic.

The funny thing is that Looby wasn't going back to school but we were settling in to our new way of life and anyone who's seen Looby in the last week or so has commented just how happy she is and how she's more like Looby again, hurrah for that I say, long may it continue.  It is amazing though, I think perhaps we're both so much happier and it was only a couple of days before we attended Home Ed trampolining where she made her first similarly aged friend.  I have no worries at all about Looby feeling any kind of feelings of isolation, she's made a new friend, she spent a day with her best friend from school at the weekend and then she saw all of her riding school friends yesterday, my social butterfly's wings have certainly not been clipped by the introduction to this new way of life.

What's amazing is that I wasn't sure when we should commence any kind of formal learning, the guidelines say that you need around 1 month for every year the child has attended school as a deschooling period and during this time you don't do any formal learning at all.  In Looby's case that would be 10 months which seems like an awfully long time to me so I decided that we'd just do things our own way, it usually works!  I feel and so does Looby that she's learnt more in a week about  real life than she ever learnt at school so that's already a win and within the first couple of days she set up her own blog and now she's blogging on a daily basis, please go over and give her blog a read, it's quite early days but she writes eloquently with a bouncy kind of style which makes for easy reading, she's more amusing than me and let me tell you, her blog about why she's home educated made me so proud, she also has had way better reader stats in a week than I ever had when I started blogging, she's a whizz!

This week is our first full week and we have lots of interesting things, we're at the Theatre tonight and tomorrow we're helping out at a dementia charity tea dance, home ed is brilliant because there are no boundaries and my financial aim this week is to accrue the funds needed for our cultural trip to Gdansk at the end of the month.

I need to sort my working times out, I am much behind currently as I wanted to spend as much time as I could with Looby but it's still early days and we need to work out how it's all going to work, it's probable that I'll just end up editing, sending newsletters and speaking to clients in the evenings and early mornings but that's fine, it's all doable, with my job, the brilliant thing is that I am mostly a digital nomad from Mon-Friday, I can literally work from anywhere on the entire planet!

I think I'm happy with life at the moment, I said yes to lots of great work things last week, nothing personal came up but there was always a chance that would happen, I'm just going to have to make sure I keep making my mark in a work sense so that I don't completely get forgotten about.

So this week, watch out for more blogging, more vlogging and definitely some new and interesting adventures, home educating is going to be the best ride we've ever been on together.

When did I start looking like an old man?

This image has had skin smoothing applied for your own protection, it was far too crinkly beforehand!

So you've probably ascertained from the lack of posts that I'm super busy at the moment, either that or I've fun away to sell cupcakes to koalas on a deserted island (I wish)...

No, for shame, between travelling, planning more travel and working 23.5 hours per day, I know, I'm a rebel, half an hour of sleep, I'm such a slacker! (those hours may be an exaggeration but still...)

I don't know what's going on with me exactly at the moment but I can tell you this, every time I look in the mirror (or run past quickly) I see my face and wonder how I became to look so much like a fugly old man, yeah, not even a woman, I'm clearly becoming Bert in my old age.  I'm also getting wider and don't even get me started on the ratio of grey to not grey hair.  I think it's probably best that I just cover up all of the mirrors and if anyone asks I'll just say it's because I'm a vampire.  I mused earlier that it doesn't matter because I'm going to be single until I die so what I look like is unimportant and yet I think to myself, how can I have gotten to this point where I hate my body/face/hair so much.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for sympathy and mentally I'm actually in a really good place and love the person I am on the inside, it's just the outside I'm at war with.

So here's the thing, I noticed that on dating sites with most men the ageing process really kicked in once they were past the age of 42 and I think that's what happened to me, it was all going pretty well and then 43 hit and now I'm Bert, or Ernie, I haven't decided my old rotund man name yet.

I do feel like it's time to cut the carbs again, I just wish I didn't like food which tastes nice or cake, I mean, why even invent cake, it's just unfair.

In other matters I'm planning for Looby's great home ed adventure, so far I've worked out we're doing projects on Poland in September including a cultural trip, we're then going to do something around farming and agriculture and hopefully we'll go stay on a working farm and then in December we'll be doing Christmas around the world and visiting some Christmas markets.  I think this next year is just as exciting for me as it is for Looby, I mean, who gets the opportunity to spend a whole year with their teen daughter?  It's like the biggest adventure ever and I'm wholeheartedly embracing it, now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are times when we'll argue and not speak, that's just par for the course when you have teenagers though.  Mostly I think what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter that I am turning into a rotund old man, I'm also getting the chance to live and breathe and travel and explore with my youngest daughter who I love dearly, things will most definitely never be the same again in that respect.

Work feels so good to me right now, I love what I do so much and yes, I see work as part of the journey because it's my life as a photographer and a writer which has lead me to the point of being able to facilitate this great adventure, I may work on average 16 hours a day at weekends but mostly I get the week to do whatever I want.  This week I have a couple of weddings to edit and then I'm caught right up to date, I have plans with Looby to go to Beamish, to decorate and hide pebbles around the North East as part of the Tyneside Rocks group on Facebook (it's seriously a cool treasure hunt and creative activity which costs practically nothing) we're also having a Caribbean street party for Looby and her friends and if there's any time left we are starting on turning her bedroom into the bedroom of her dreams, she's got some brilliant ideas and it's going to be a room she can sleep in, socialise with friends in and somewhere she can work and chill, I guess like a giant den and place where you can feel safe and as one, we all need a little zen space!

And so, back I go to working again, just a few more hours tonight and only 1 photo shoot tomorrow, oh and just in case you're wondering, I'll be taking time off in between to cover up all those mirrors...

Why I don't mind a complaining teenager

I'm sitting here in departures at Nice Côte d'Azur airport after spending a week enjoying all that the beautiful french riviera has to offer.  It's been a week of ups and downs, mainly it's been good, I think my teen enjoyed herself but it has to be said, there's been 1 or two complaints.  I've marched her up hills she didn't want to climb, I've made her walk one too many random walks, I guess you could say that every complaint has been completely legitimate if you're her and that's okay.  

I can't ever remember complaining about family holidays to Scotland or Wales, I think I was just happy to be there, maybe my travel bug came from those soggy days spent covered in that funny rain which sticks to your skin when you're wandering around the southwest coast of Scotland, actually it hadn't rained for 27 weeks until we set foot there and then it didn't stop for 2 whole weeks if I remember correctly, perhaps an early sign of my rainmaking!  I digress though, let's get back to the subject in hand!

You see, I've always encouraged my children to tell me how they're feeling and to express their emotions, I never want them to feel they can't tell me what's on their mind, especially during those tricky teenage years it's so difficult to navigate your way through.  Part of that is accepting that teenagers complain, they complain a lot, it's not that they're completely self obsessed, it's just that to them, everything in the world affects them, it takes many years to see the bigger picture and in fact some people, well they never really do.

I myself am grateful for every single experience I have, particularly when it comes to travel but then I  love walking up big hills, I love going on random walks never knowing if I might end up getting lost, to me it's a big adventure, never mind the fact that each time I do it, it's another kick in the face for agoraphobia, I can barely remember the days when I wouldn't go past my own back gate alone.  If you look at it from a teens perspective, it's probably me that's being selfish and self obsessed, always off on my own agenda making choices I think we'll all enjoy and going off on walks with no idea of where we'll end up, mostly on the promise that there'll be a good viewing platform along the way, give me a good viewing platform and some "yumptuous" lighting and I'm a happy bunny.  My daughters laugh at this and I can't say I blame them but the photographer in me is always looking for the best view I've ever seen in the best light I've ever experienced.  It could be worse I suppose, I could threaten them with getting up for sunrise as well as staying out until the sun has set, thing is though, I'm rubbish in the mornings!!

Why I'm removing my 13 year old from school

On Friday Looby and I broke the news to the wider public about our decision to move from traditional schooling into home education, we'd held a BBQ for her closest friends on Monday and the lovely people at Biscuiteers had sent us a party box to help celebrate this monumental decision, if you haven't seen the video of the BBQ or those amazing retro sweet shaped biscuits (they're so, so good) why not have a watch?!

A few people since we've broken the news have asked why we're doing it and also have asked what we'll be concentrating on instead, will we be covering the curriculum, is Looby not going to do GCSE's, am I about to ruin her life? (that was mostly my inner voice) what are we going to do for the next year?....

I thought it might be a good idea to go back to the start, you see when Looby was just reaching school age I first had thoughts that I would love to home educate but I was 10 years younger, just getting better after agoraphobia and I was starting a business, I just didn't know then what I know now.  Fast forward 10 or so years and we've contemplated home ed several times, each time we've thought we'd give school just a little longer but it's been noticeable that Looby just doesn't enjoy or fit into traditional schooling, I call her my unicorn because she's different, she's not the same as all of her peers, it's not so long ago that she mentioned the first signs of bullying and I knew then that we were making the right decision.  Looby has always been a magical girl, she loves deeply, cares deeply and she's retained the wonder of childhood thus far, she's so much younger than Abigail despite there only being 16 months which separate them and whilst Abigail is an academic go getter, Looby cares about other areas so much more.  From the first day Looby could talk, she told me that she wanted to be a farmer, to this day she's focused on working with horses or in agriculture, she rides all day on Sunday's and takes care of the horses in exchange for extra rides, she's passionate about the horses and get's up way earlier than I ever could just so that she can be there to care for them and to help in all aspects because it's the thing that she loves most.

Home ed will allow us to concentrate more on the areas she loves and less on the subjects she doesn't care about but is made to study in a traditional curriculum lead environment.  In our home ed environment Looby will study what she wants to study with the exception of English, math and science, we are subscribing to Ed Place for those subjects and she will keep studying towards having those GCSE's as she and I both know, they're necessary not just for farming but for life in general.

We plan to travel as much as possible and that's going to take care of culture, geography and history, she's going to blog and vlog, taking care of art and IT, don't underestimate the skills needed to take the photos and to edit the video required for those two things.  We also think it's important to study a language and you know what, I don't possess that skill either so we're going to learn French together, I stopped learning French at the age of 13 and I'm determined to have that as a second language, isn't it always easier when you have someone to learn with.

Looby is a social child, she has friends from many factions of her life, not just school so I know that she's not going to lose out on any social activities, in fact, in home ed there are plenty of meet ups and chances to gain new friends who are also home ed.

Home ed will let Looby develop at the speed in which she should develop, it will help her hold onto childhood for as long as she wants whilst she'll develop into a young lady at the speed it's really supposed to happen instead of being forced into it by peer group pressure.

For Looby and I, a world without boundaries, uniforms and pages of rules and regulations is exciting, a world where we can wear fairy wings on Tuesday or even just not have to worry about the fact that her pencil case is fashionable instead of black!  At the moment our plan is that Looby will go to Newcastle College for year 10, it's much more relaxed, no uniforms, smaller class sizes and it still gives the chance to do GCSE's. She may however decide that she wants to stick with home ed and that's fine with me, most colleges and universities have home ed streams where you don't even need traditional qualifications to enter into further education.

I asked Looby last night what it felt like to know she was free, she said "exciting mammy, exciting" and you know what, that's the very best thing of all, my girl, my unicorn is finally free.

An Angry Rant About Deliveroo

Now I'm not someone who gets angry about things, usually, I get a little sad and disappointed but what's happened tonight with Deliveroo has me more than irked, if I was an average Joe in the street I reckon I'd be apoplectic with rage right now.

You see, there are so many issues with Deliveroo but my son deserved a little treat and Deliveroo was what he requested.  This is the first takeaway we've had for months so I was quite excited

So in case you've lived under a rock, you'll know that Iain has Aspergers, this means he has a restricted diet and likes things the way he likes them, tonight he said he fancied a Byron Burger, so we ordered, except there was no option to remove the various sauces so I emailed and got a reply that because they were so busy I needed to start a live chat, I did that and requested the changes and 25 minutes later our burgers arrived....Cold!

The burgers were cold, inedible and had extraneous Gherkins in the box even though I'd requested no extraneous items, you can't imagine the meltdowns this kind of thing has caused, I know to you and I it might be a small thing but to someone with autism, it's a whole lot more serious.

I contacted Deliveroo and spoke to Ramil, I explained the situation and requested replacements, preferably hot ones, I told him if we were in the restaurant I would have sent them back without question and I rarely complain in restaurants.  Ramil said that he couldn't get replacements as the restaurant were not responding so we could have credit which would expire in 3 months or a refund but that takes 3 days, as Iain was still without food I requested the credit and then we started all over again.  

So this time we ordered from Iain's favourite restaurant, Wagamama, he loves Cha Han with no mushroom, mange tout or spring onion but there was no option or notes section so we could request that so I had to order and then go back into live chat again, this time Abylane was on hand but he said "It's just as well I got through to the restaurant before they started cooking"  now hang on a minute, there's no way for me to order and request changes before I pay so what the heck am I supposed to do?  I mentioned this and he suggested that I should speak to the restaurant direct which rather negates the point of Deliveroo who are supposed to coordinate everything for hassle free delivery of restaurant quality food!

At this point I requested to speak to a manager but was told I'd have to email the support address and would have to explain everything again step by step, he then left the conversation after I rated him as unhelpful.

So, the Wagamama order turns up for Iain, Holly is a happy puppy as she's had cold burgers and I'd given up on eating or reordering anything,  Iain removed the lid from his Cha Han and guess what? Yes, after 2 conversations where I'd asked for no mange tout, it had mange tout in it, seriously all Abylane had to do was copy and paste my request or read it to them over the phone, I could start a new chat but my life is too short for this.

Deliveroo, should you wish to get in touch for a chat please email me at mandy@mandycharltonphotography.com

Next time I think we'll just brave the weather and go for decent burgers at The Grind!

The Modern Hermit, an escape to Embleton, Northumberland

So here I am, the middle of the countryside, in a teeny tiny cottage, 10 minutes from the beach at Embleton which if you're not from the North, it's part of the Northumbrian Coastline near Craster where the kippers come from and where I'm going to walk with Holly tomorrow, it's near Dunstanburgh Castle and it's around 7 miles from Seahouses, there are buses approximately once every 3 hours and there's a village shop which also doubles as the post office.  There are however 2 pubs and both seem to be dog-friendly.  I have no phone signal which is perfect as I hate using the phone, I do however have reasonable wifi which is a must, even Hannah Hauxwell tweets these days!

I think I'd make a fairly good hermit though I must admit I did bring a Sainsbury's shop with me, some Lavazza coffee for the cafetiere and a bottle of Sancerre so I'm far from roughing it.  I have a Velux window in my bedroom and because there's no light pollution if I'm lucky I might just be able to see the stars tonight!

I didn't bring masses of camera gear with me, just my amazing Fuji X70 and my Joby Gorillapod, I mean I have to at least be prepared in case the Northern Lights show their face this week, it would be a travesty not to photograph them.

So, what do I do now?  What changes can I make to be a better person, a better mum, a better businesswoman, I really thought that life was going in the right direction and that the kids were happy and appreciate just how hard I work and how much I want things to be good for us all the time. It's upsetting because we've gotten along so well for so very long, I simply did not see this coming at all!

The girls really seem to want me to shoot more weddings and whilst I don't want to increase the number of full-day gigs I'm quite happy to shoot more short small weddings, I love short weddings, I'm great at sweeping in, photographing a great outline of the day and then sweeping out so maybe if you know someone who's getting married who needs 2-4 hours of coverage this year or next you could send them my way.

Being discovered for my writing is just going to take time and hard work, I've only been pushing it for a couple of years now whereas it's nearly 10 for photography, I know only too well just how hard it is out there in the world of freelance writing but I do think I have something unique to offer the world so I'm just going to keep writing for myself as I've always done, for my editors at Huffington Post and Nights Out in Newcastle and of course I'll continue to do portrait photography, travel photography and travel writing for anyone who'll pay me.  It's not like I'm not trying!  If anything I am a serial entrepreneur and if I get an idea about something which can potentially make money you can be sure that I'll do it.

A life lived in fear is a life half lived!

It's Time To Take A Break

I've made it to the end of a particularly brutal week and all I can think of is, where on earth did I possibly go wrong?  Looby is staying with grandad for a week so she can have some space and in her words, so I can "sort out my life." Now I'm not exactly sure which part of my life needs sorting out which surely makes it harder but I think I'm going to try and get away for a few days, I have some Airbnb credit so I should be able to go away for virtually nothing and I'm sure Holly Bobbins could use the break.

I do know that if I have at all lost my sparkle it's only because I'm working so hard and because I'm lonely in my heart but tell me something new, it's always like this, I'm a self-employed writer/photographer single parent trying to juggle approximately 34 things at once and I have terrible coordination.

It's hard being a mama to teenage girls, teenagers can be irrational at the best of times and it's hard to know exactly what they want, I remember trying not to work so much at weekends before but then they both had so much on that I was just sitting on my own.  I don't think there are any answers, the harder I work the less I'm likely to be around and the less I work the more broke we are so I can't support us, it's a rock and a hard place situation and I would never have chosen to be here, single parenting was not something I happily opted into.

The truth is that mums have needs too, I get lonely and I need my friends around, when the girls aren't here I like going out because the house is so empty and being mostly freelance I have to work whenever I'm called to do so.  Whilst not everything I do is monetized currently I know that it won't always be like this, I am on a path to be discovered I guess, one day I hope that my writing will become more mainstream and that the ideas I have will be paid for.  You have to work hard, though, you can't just sit and rest on your laurels.

This is, I think why a break would do me good, somewhere near the beach or in the countryside, a quaint tiny cottage just big enough for Holly and I, we can go for long walkies and in the other times I can be inspired by nature and I can write and write and write some more.

All I want for my kids and I is for everyone to be happy but that has to include me too so now it's time to plan and think and dream and work, and then it's time to come back refreshed and put plans into action, watch out world, I'm coming to get you!

An Interview with Abigail aged 14.5 (ish) and Looby aged 13.5

My daughters are possibly planning to take over my blog, just after my phone had pinged with Abigail's weekly email another email hit my box with an interview with my darling daughters, I have to say that it's pretty obvious that they're very different types of people and really, I wouldn't have it any other way, it's one of the reasons why, when we are together we laugh so very much and that's mostly because Abigail and Looby are brilliant at teasing me and doing impressions which are hilarious but please don't tell them.  I'm not sure what gave them the idea to interview each other but I suspect that after the saw the article where readers put their questions to Mr France it probably had something to do with it.

Favourite colour?

Laura: Green

Abigail: Light grey

You win 500,000 pounds, what do you do?:

Laura: Buy a horse and stable the horse!

Abigail: Put it in a savings account, collect interest then use the money to pay for university.

You're on a desert island and can have one food what do you have?

Laura: Apples

Abigail: Ice cream!!!

The opinion of America's new President, Mr Donald.J.Trump?

Laura: I don't like orange!

Abigail: Honestly I'm waiting for the mid term elections on November 18th 2018 when the Americans can vote against the republican party and stop Trump passing any laws!

Favourite animal?:

Laura: Horse

Abigail: I don't know, dogs? Maybe cats. 

3 words to describe yourself, GO!:

Laura: Unicorn, Rainbow, Happy

Abigail: Sarcastic, Unique, Dramatic

3 words to describe the other person:

Laura: Nice, Opinionated, Strong minded

Abigail: Serendipity, Creative, Lovely

To my dear daughters,

You two, you are the funniest double act since Ant n Dec, you have the comedic timing of French and Saunders and I love that you are actually friends with each other, well at least for some of the time, you are as different as chalk and cheese and that's the reason I adore you both so much, whilst one of you will probably end up running the country the other will be saving all of the animals and you know what, that's a future we can all get on board with.

Why I don't live with my mum by Abigail Charlton, aged 14.5

I moved out of my mums house to live with my dad and grandad in the autumn of  2014, this was after my dad had already left about 2 months earlier. It was not an easy decision but I can say I would do it again because it has been the best thing possible to ensure I retain a good relationship with my mum. 

I love my mum unconditionally and forever! It was difficult to leave at 13, knowing that it was hurting my mum. Even though I sort of hated her at that time it didn't mean that I didn't feel guilty for leaving her. However I am so grateful that she allowed me the choice to go wherever I was happiest.

I'd spent 13 years on top of my sister, brother and mums' toes always feeling cramped so when the opportunity came to have my own space, I took it! The most difficult part of moving out for me was not seeing Laura (my younger sister) as much as I wanted to. In the beginning I was so happy to be away from her, as being so close in age was very difficult particularly when you're both teenagers! 

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss going home to my mum and talking about my day, or chatting with Laura before bed about school and gossip and stuff like that! I miss playing sing star and screaming down the stairs at my mum to turn the radio down as she blared music whilst making tea.  Truthfully I miss having a mum to come home and cry with after a hard day. I never realised how much girls need there mums up to now, because you never realise what something means to you until its gone.

Living with my dad has been fantastic though, I've got my own room and space to breath! Space to scream at the world for sucking but also to dance around my room! My relationship with Laura is also better as she has her own space, however I often worry that she hates me sometimes for leaving her. She denies it but I was always there for her as a sister and friend but also as an outlet to scream at! I rely on her just as much as she relies on me.  Overall, I'm glad I left my mums house 2 years ago.  

To finish I would like to say that if any parents are out there with children who want to leave home to go live with there dad or mum, I think you should let them (obviously that has exceptions), because at the end of the day, though it may be unbearably hard to begin with they will come back to you in one way or another because children and young people need their mums and dads no matter how much they deny it.

My darling Abigail, watching you leave was the hardest thing I've ever done as a mum but to let you go was to set you free to find yourself and it worked, when you left you were angry and cross and you hated me on the outside but I always knew that one day we would have the best relationship and I am so proud of that, we laugh together and sometimes we cry together, we talk about everything, some things we do just to freak out your sister, heehee  I will always love you and I do miss you every day that I don't see you but I hope we make up for it in the times we are together, I'll never stop being grateful that you are my wonderful amazing Abigail and I am proud of you every single day, I love you so very much.

Why I am protective of my Mum, a guest blog by Abigail aged 14.5

After last week's blog, I wasn't sure what to expect from my dear daughter this week, she's obviously a teenager with a lot to say and whilst she feels she doesn't have the time or energy to blog herself I'm quite happy to let her publish a weekly article.  I'm not going to lie, there was a sharp intake of breath when I read this one and I totally understand why she feels the way that she feels, I should also say that we talk about this stuff often and it's only going to be time, and time itself that is going to heal things and make them better, I know one day she's going to meet Mr France and I hope that when she sees he's not a fly by night that she'll learn to trust him but I appreciate how difficult it must be for her to see both her dad and me with new people in our lives, one thing we do agree on though is that it is right that we were apart.

Over to Abigail - 

"If you hadn't heard my mum is dating Mr France, Mr France won't have it easy getting my approval. My siblings and I are very protective of my mum, however, neither of them are as protective as me. 

In my lifetime I've seen my mum feel heart broken too many times. I swore to stop it happening as much as possible. Luckily my mum respects my opinion and if I don't like someone or feel that they are going to hurt her I will tell her to steer clear. I have done it before and will do it again. My mum is a hopeless romantic which is both her best and worst characteristic.

It's important to say however that thus far Mr France has been given my approval but my opinions change like the weather and are not permanent (remember that Mr France).  I have wholeheartedly accepted that my parents have split up for good, what I have not accepted yet is the fact that they have both moved on and found other people, other people that I will have to get to know".

For children with parents who split up it must be agony to watch the people who love you and care for you separate, to see people you thought loved each other not love each other anymore, I can imagine it's heartbreaking, especially if you are a teenager who's only just formulating their own identity and don't forget that it's families and the people around the kids who do give them their identity and shape their personalities in the formative years.

To Abigail...

I can tell you, I love and adore you Abigail and I know you had to go through so much hurt and heartbreak yourself to get to this place you are in, you and I we have great times together and a relationship where we can discuss anything and everything, you are brilliant beyond brilliant my darling girl, in getting to this point in my life I have had to forgive myself for the hurt you had when your dad and I parted and there is still much to do.  Please don't think that you, Looby and Iain aren't my entire life and I wouldn't let anyone into my life unless I thought they were the best kind of person, the kind I'd want to introduce you to one day, someone worthy of meeting my amazing children, the most amazing teenagers on the planet.