My kitchen as it is currently

I've always been really self-conscious about my home, I was told over and over that it wasn't good enough or that it was smelly or dirty or what on earth did I think I was doing, or even that people would report me for the state of my home.  It affected my mental health so badly that for a period of 7 years I wouldn't let anyone visit at all.  The more it's reinforced by narcissists who believe you are always failing to be what they want you to be, the more you start to believe it.  I remember a friend coming over on the night my marriage broke down and I wouldn't even let her in the house and sat in the garden!  I started to travel a lot, always running away from my home, never wanting to be there and dreading my return because I was so uncomfortable in my own space.

I'm not sure what the change was but it definitely had something to do with Harriet who would come over whether you wanted her to or not, I also started to get friends and visited their houses and realised that most people don't live in palaces whilst I was Stig of the dump but rather that I had a pretty normal house in the big scheme of things.  If I went back at told my old self that I would be sharing photos of my home on my blog or my Instagram I would have laughed at myself.  Here I am though, sharing the story of my home renovations and photos of my favourite corners of my home on Instagram.

I have come to understand that I am something of a boho maximalist in interior design.  I like things, I like unmatched things, I love colour and patterns which don't necessarily go together in practice but actually all end up looking okay as a collection in my home.

Now I want to keep this real and say that no one is looking at my home and thinking it's some kind of aspirational dream, I spend hours pouring over some beautiful homes and interiors on Instagram and Pinterest but I know they're as far away from what I want as I can imagine.  Grey is the trend currently and I love grey, having the courage to have your entire house in shades of grey a la Mrs Hinch, is something I aspire to but something I also know just isn't me because I love colour too much.  I'm also a single mum on a tight budget, self-employed single parenting does not make great fortunes as yet but even if it did, I love the fun of thrifted items, of charity shops and of quirky handmade markets. I am a bargain hunter and I'm never happier than when I'm standing in Homesense surrounded by the colours and quirky objects that make a house a home.

I'm actually quite happy to let people into my home now though it's far from finished and I have a lady called Lisa who helps around the house on Tuesdays who I love dearly and she's become a friend as well as someone who has saved me from myself on more than one occasion.

My house right now is a work in progress, nothing is really finished, everything is in a state of flux, my downstairs loo was nearly done and then someone knocked the washbasin off the wall and when that was repaired the tiles were removed and I've still not worked out how to put them back on.

My magical garden over the festive period

Last year though, I started making big changes, I transformed my garden from being your average tiny Yarden into something which I think is really special (although at the moment it's more of a wintery dead mess).  The project ended up looking exactly the same in real life as it did in my head and so that's given me the confidence to start making some really big changes.

The colours I've chosen for my kitchen

Next Monday I am having the kitchen completely revamped, I couldn't afford a new kitchen but then I found a guy on Facebook who does vinyl kitchen wraps, now I could have had the entire room wrapped in grey but as I've already said, I love colour so I'm having it wrapped in Yellow, Blue and Pink and I cannot wait, the benches are staying but will be wrapped at a later date with an off white with a slight sparkle and I also want to change the lighting and the taps on the sink, I need help with those things and a bit more of a January budget so I've decided to go for it this year and try and shoot 30 weddings, I shot just over 20 last year and did a bloody good job so I'm hoping all of that leads to an increase in bookings and going by January so far, it certainly seems that way.  (Hurray!).

The very rough draft of how the kitchen cabinets will look after they've been wrapped.

I'm also installing a fake living wall at one end of the kitchen and then I have a big blank wall to fill, haven't decided on what colour that's going to be or what kind of wall covering but I am excited and hopefully it'll be distinctly different by the time I throw my birthday party on the first of February.  If there's one thing I know about my friends is that no one ever makes it upstairs because you will always find them in the kitchen at parties 🥳 

The Transformation of My Outdoor Living Space

Just lately I've undertaken the epic task of transforming my outdoor living space, to some they'd call it a tiny back garden but to me, it's the place I live as soon as the temperature rises enough to actually not be outdoors without getting a chill!

I love my garden, it's tiny, it's urban but it's mine, there's nothing I love more than an afternoon pottering around the flowerbeds but this year for me is special, this is the year I want to complete the project and that takes work.

First we cleared the garden, thankfully Looby helped as we transformed what was a complete mess after winter and the reorganisation of my home, when we got to February and the garden was piled high with black bags and old stuff just waiting to go to the tip I was grateful for the help of friends to get it removed.

Next came, the hard work turning over the soil and planting vegetables and fruits so that we can be more self-sufficient, as a complete aside, this is the first time I've ever grown mushrooms and I've impressed myself with my ability to grow mould!

I digress, back to the outdoor space, so far I've planted Potatoes, Spinach, Rocket, Tomatoes, peas, blackcurrants and strawberries and they're all doing pretty well except for the tomatoes which were probably wiped out by the recent early morning snow, yes, I still have a lot to learn about gardening.  The thing is though, I always loved gardening, my parents had a back garden many would have envied and I continued gardening as I moved into my own house.

 Then I met Paul and for many years he took care of things because that's his job, he's a professional gardener so having to think about the dirty bits, the bits where you can encounter crawly things or get stabbed by prickly bushes, well I didn't really enjoy those bits.  Let me tell you, recently when I opened the bottom of the compost bin to be confronted with cobwebs, I quickly put the door back on and there it may stay until my next brave moment (could be never) arises.

I have donned gardening gloves though and gotten my hands dirty and it's actually so fulfilling to be able to transform your own space.  One of the main things I've changed was removing both boring big bins from my back garden to put them around to the front door space which no one ever uses, we live in a weird street and literally, the only person who ever comes to the front door is the postman.  We have no garden just a little pavement with no boundary apart from a small brick wall to the side so it's the perfect place which doesn't get any sun to store both bins and it's given me an extra 2 metres of usable garden with no fear of sitting out having to smell a stinky bin when the heat hits in mid-summer.

This month brought great excitement as the arbour I had been saving for, (for almost 2 years since I first spotted it on Amazon) finally arrived, I cannot tell you how happy this had made me and at every opportunity I have been out there sitting in it, it turns out it shelters you completely from the wind so I've already managed a couple of afternoons just whiling away the hours.

I've also just bought a Chiminea after several weeks of thought about what to do with a small firepit I had and also wanting to buy a bigger BBQ because I cook outside as often as possible during the fairer months of the year.  The compromise of a Chiminea seems perfect because it's a grander way to keep warm whilst also offering a grill which swings out

I've also been working out what we can do with our path, at first I thought I would gravel it but that would involve raising the height of the path, and chopping a bit off the gate and really, it took an hour and 3 people to get two hanging baskets attached to the fence!!  I fell down a Pinterest rabbit hole to find beautiful painted concrete paths and so that's what I'm going to do, multi-coloured bright squares of happy colours which should last all year around.  Looby also wants to paint the arbour but I'm happy to keep it just as it is, at least for a little while.

The next steps are to either bark or put slate chippings on the garden to make it look prettier and help suppress the weeds, I don't get too many but when feeding the birds they're always dropping seeds and trying to start their own Wimbledon-esque lawns and I seriously do not have room for lawn!

I also want 1 more chair, probably an egg chair which will sit outside the door to the left, there's just enough space if I juggle a little and yesterday a kind person brought me some bricks which I've edged the left side of the garden with, I'd like to grow succulents in the small brick holes so that's yet another project for summer and my path, as I've already discussed, I just hate it but if I don't paint it, I haven't a clue what to do with, in a perfect world I'd have pebbles and wooden slats as a pathway but I think it might be too complicated to achieve on my own, I'm getting quite good at gardening but I'm a long way from being Alan Tichmarsh!

14 Days To a Tidier Home Challenge

Around Christmas when I'd reached the correct dosage of CBD Oil and I was experiencing what it used to be like to have proper amounts of energy I started to tackle the decluttering, reorganisation and general zhuzhing of our home.

2 months on and the place is being transformed daily and so when Vonhaus got in touch to see if I wanted to join in their 14 days to a tidier home challenge it seemed appropriate to join in.  The kindly sent me a steam cleaner and some wonderful storage boxes and it's helped me so much in my mission.

So, do you want to take the challenge too?

14 days to a tidier home challenge

Day 1: Bins and recycling: sort through all the bins in your house and get your recycling separated. 

Day 2: Wipe down your kitchen units and steam the cooker tops. 

Day 3: Empty and clean out the fridge freezer - don’t forget the kitchen cupboards! 

Day 4: Vacuum Day: Focus on the floors, give all the rooms in your house a good vacuum. 

Day 5: Vacuum Day: Move the furniture and hoover those hard to reach areas of your home. 

Day 6: Clean the windows - inside and out! 

Day 7: Wash the curtains and wipe down the blinds. 

Day 8: Take everything off the sideboards, shelves and get dusting! 

Day 9: Get your bedding, blankets and cushions washed – after all everyone loves fresh bedding! 

Day 10: Wardrobes: Clear out any old clothing, reorganise and wipe down your wardrobes. 

Day 11: Remove wrinkles from clothing, curtains and upholstery. 

Day 12: Wash out your shower, shower screen and/or bath. 

Day 13: Let’s mop: antibacterial your floors and wipe down the tiles. 

Day 14: Finally take a trip to the tip: Declutter your home from unwanted clothes, items or food and take it to the tip, food bank or local charity shop. 

So I didn't strictly stick to the plan myself as I was already midway through and I have a little help on Tuesdays from Lisa our lovely housekeeping diva but if you're not already on a house beautifying mission then it's a great place to start.

Over the last few weeks if you follow me on Instagram you may have seen some of my before videos of the general state of my cupboards, well now I can say that every single cupboard in my kitchen has been decluttered, cleaned and completely reorganised, we've even got a Brexit cupboard.

One of the reasons I chose to work with Vonhaus is because I actually love their products, I've worked with them in the past and I've shopped at their website so it felt like a natural partnership to me and I'd never promote a company I didn't identify with.

I'm in a place now where I have roomy storage, I have space to put things and I can actually see the wood for the trees, I've already done one tip run, I've laid floor in my downstairs loo, I've taken a whole trolly full of stuff to charity and I still have rubbish which needs to be cleared in bulk and another massive charity shop run to do.

The amazing thing is that when I feel anxiety creeping up, I take control and clear out another cupboard or reorganise or make a list and it gives you back just enough control to help with the anxiousness.

February is usually one of the worst months for my mental health but I'm kind of gliding through winter this year and even though life is far from perfect and there's a difficult financial climate out there in the real world I think I may make it to spring (my favourite season) reasonably unscathed.

The next step in my process is to attempt to decorate on my own, well I'm hoping I can grab some help from girlfriends and the kids.  I know I want to go with a dark decorating scheme and I've chosen a dark green for the lounge, I just need a little income to purchase all of the colour matched paint and then I am most definitely on it!

If you take the 14 days to a tidier home challenge I would love to see your before and after's, my before's were so grim that in most cases I did it on Instastories so they didn't last forever.  Please do share your photos and stories and I'd love to know if tidying and organising can bring about changes in your general mental health.

Welcome to my garden, a work in progress

It's been another week and it looks like the weather is on it's way to transforming, I had my garden made over on Wednesday and it's really helped with my mood because now instead of it looking like it's overgrown and strewn with rubbish from winter storms it looks spacious and ready to fill with plants and flowers.

I love my garden so much, I have high walls and fences so it's my little urban hideaway, I can't wait to get planting and I need some new seating, perhaps one of those sweetheart seats with the 2 chairs which face each other and the small table in between, I think one of those with pretty floral cushions would work so well and of course after those aforementioned storms, I also need some new garden lights, I just have to decide what kind!

As you can see from the last photo, there's much to do, to get it back into shape, tons of room for planting new thing s so whilst it's a little bare, there's so much promise of things to come and you know, I think it might even be time to pack away the sledge for another year!

So, my current table was lovely until Looby stood on a chair so she could sit on the wall (as you do) and so now I only have 1 chair which isn't exactly what you would call sociable!

As my garden takes shape again this year I'll be sharing lots of photos, we're actually hoping to grow some micro salad, Looby is going to be in charge of it and a large pot is on it's way, we love eating fresh veg from the garden but since we've had Holly it's potted veg only as she does like to nip onto the garden to "fertilise" it occasionally.

When you live as close to the city as we do, the one thing you forsake is a large garden but I do believe you can have a tiny urban garden that you love, it's just a shame that we also need to have so many bins in our garden, we have a recycling blue bin and our green bin which usually sits next to the gate and our compost bin, the compost bin was our choice though as I believe in giving back to the earth as much as possible and it makes for fabulous worm filled fertile soil, perfect for growing summer flowers in.

"Mammy, we haven't got a fence anymore"

"Mammy, we haven't got a fence anymore" were the exact words I woke up to this morning at 7am, as I rubbed the sleep away from my eyes and walked to my window I got quite a shock to find that not only did we have no party fence anymore I couldn't even get out of my back door or through my back gate.

Now, let me say I've been a single mum for over 2 years now and I generally have coped pretty well, I don't think there's been a situation I couldn't handle but when it comes to manly tasks or manual things I pretty much fail at life, don't get me wrong, I can garden and I know many of the latin plant names, I know where to put plants for the best light and I adore my garden in the summer, but entire fences falling down are not my speciality.

Anyway, I called someone and some strong men and a lady came and took my fence away, I also placed a call to our council because a tree had fallen outside the front of our house, when I say fallen, I mean the winds had snapped it in two.  Weirdly we never usually have to deal with such things living in the city where we're sheltered from the worst winds so for the winds to have the strength they did to take down a massive fence and a tree is what you could call an unusual predicament.  

My garden is usually the place I love to sit on summer days, I love my little oasis of calm but today it really doesn't look like these photos at all!

When you become a single parent no one gives you a manual for the extra tasks you weren't in charge of, I did ask Mr F if he maybe had that chapter and I'd just missed it but apparently fence repairs and escaping your own garden aren't included as standard.  For the first time this year I had a moment where I wanted to go and hide under a blanket in the corner until it all went away, instead I messaged Mr F and swore at him privately, well not so much at him but sometimes you need someone who cares, no matter how far away they are, it's not about them being able to help or offer advice, it's just about knowing they are there for you and here and now, I am so grateful for him, you see, he's always there, we speak to each other every day, sometimes privately, sometimes publicly, sometimes he'll bring about random uncontrollable laughter in a quiet moment when you least expect it, it's weird that we are so far apart but yet I feel like he's nearer than I have felt to anyone for a very long time, even if he does think that I live in his phone!

So today, I am thankful once more for people who come and rescue you from fallen trees and fences and most of all for Mr F who almost fell into my life accidently from the other side of the internet and yet when I look back now, it's as if he's always been there, he really gets me and I love that I don't have to be anyone else but me when we are "together" which leads me to believe that when we are in actual close proximity it's going to be truly magical.

Christmas decorating with The Flower Studio

When I stepped off the plane on Sunday night and stepped through my kitchen door there was a large parcel waiting for me teasing with expectation, inside a beautiful red box containing a gorgeous table centre from The Flower Studio, it was exactly what I needed to make sure I didn't have post travel blue and by Monday morning I had thrown myself into Christmas decorating with aplomb.

I adore Christmas and I love to have my house looking as festive as possible but there never seems to be just the right decoration in the middle of the table, but the hot chilli festive candle table centre is just perfect, it's quirky (I never would have thought of chillies at Christmas) and different and I had the idea to add some sparkly beady Christmas lights underneath for a little extra sparkle, you know me by now, you can never have enough sparkle.  It's just perfect and looks lovely on my festive table, my kitchen tends to be the coolest place in my house due to no central heating in there so I have no doubt that this is going to last through the festive season.

When you buy it it comes without candles but that's perfect as you can add your own to compliment your festive colour scheme, I think it would look perfect with red candles as it would bring out the colour in the chillies.  I also love the smell of the fresh pine, I always feel a little wistful that I can't have a real tree because of too many animals but this is perfect and it definitely has that fragrance that signifies that the Christmas season is most definitely upon us.

All around my house Christmas has started to appear, we replaced our silver pop up tree in the kitchen with a beautiful illuminated twig tree complete with winter berries, I just need to find a few birds to sit on the branches and it will be complete.

Our upstairs tree has also been replaced this year, I adore it, it's the closest to a real tree I think you can get and it's filled with decorations I've bought over the years, some have travelled from afar whilst some were picked up from local shops, I even picked up a bauble in Palma de Mallorca on Saturday

I love Christmas, in fact I think I'm probably the queen of Christmas though this year I've actually denied the coming of the festive season until I got home from my european trip so now I'm kind of on catch up and it's good I suppose as I don't feel that I've peaked too early, I am though now starting to have a bit of a panic because other than picking up presents whilst I was away I haven't really started my Christmas shopping and I've just looked at my work calendar for the next few weeks, lets just say I am super thankful for Amazon and their special deals every 10 minutes I picked up lots of bargains yesterday and now all I need to do is wait for them to arrive and then find a helpful elf to wrap them up.

Christmas this year of course is open house at my house, if you don't have anyone to be with this Christmas Day or Boxing Day, rather than being on your own or just alone at home with your kids if you are a single parent you can come to our house and feast on festive goodies, just send me an email and as long as you're not a serial killer then you are absolutely welcome to come and join what I hope will be a houseful of jolly old elves and animals, friends new and old, we'll celebrate together, bring a bottle or a festive dish if you can but if you can't don't worry, I will make sure there's something for everyone.  Christmas shouldn't be lonely but for some it sadly is and whilst I'm only one woman and can't save the world I do feel this time more than any other is the time for being with people so please don't let pride stand it the way, get in the car and I'll be waiting with open arms with a glass of non alcoholic mulled wine (or alcoholic if you're not driving) and together we'll all have the best Christmas ever.