My life over the last week or so has been anything but normal, not that normal is a state that suits me dear reader but all routine seems to have gone out of the window and been replaced by a new routine I'm having trouble adjusting to.  I feel tired all of the time because I'm not sleeping well and in those moments when I do sleep well I have a husky who doesn't seem to sleep well either.  Sometimes Looby is sleeping next to me, usually shaped like a starfish and snoring, other times she's off being a social butterfly and the space in my bed feels a little chilly and I have too much room.  I'm sure I'll get used to this, more than that I think I'll learn to embrace it, it's those little things though isn't it? Things which were part of the normal routine of the house which aren't anymore but at the same time it's strange how quickly new routines have been formulated.  Blogging for instance, I have a routine of blogging in the morning before the rest of the house is awake, it's when I think better, write better...

I seem to have a clearer head at 7am in the morning than I do at any other time of the day, by afternoon my thought processes are jumbled with the events of the day, there seems to be a new event every day which I can't yet make sense of, things which were said are turned on their heads so that my whole situation becomes unfathomable.

I've had a lot of messages of support from people who care or messages from people who tell me that I'm helping them as they go through the same or even slightly different life events of their own and it's heartwarming to know that.  My decision to be public was not brought with any malice and I really stay away from going into minute detail which I don't feel would be helpful to talk about, in truth though I've always lived my life on line, well for the past 10 years, if it hadn't of been for on line friendships, many which still exist today, I would not have gotten through the years of agoraphobia which blanketed my life several years ago.

Mental health is a strange and funny mistress, when you recover from a challenge you build up a myriad of coping strategies so that you never end up in the same place again, for me that means medication daily, writing as a therapeutic tool and friendships on and offline which feed the very essence of my soul and reassure me that if I got to the point of being overwhelmed by mental health those friends would notice and tell me that maybe I should see someone.  Luckily that hasn't happened and I don't think it will, I feel a great strength and determination with my relationship with bi-polar and with medication at the base of the treatment that I've had for as long as Looby has been on the planet I know that it's unlikely that I would ever be as seriously ill as I was 10/11/12 years ago.

Today I want to say that even though as a society we're only really starting to accept mental health challenges as real and proper illnesses and we still don't talk about them enough, don't feel you ever have to suffer in silence, even speaking to a friend who might help, advise or even hold your hand when you go to see the doctor, there's just no shame in seeking that extra hand of help at difficult vistas in your life,  for some it means daily medication for the rest of their lives whilst for others they just need a little lift while life gets back on track.

Be kind to yourself dear readers and have a lovely weekend.

A Sunday look at #UKCityscapes and why this project is so important to me

It's a grey and slightly damp morning in Newcastle and I'm still in my pjyamas planning my next move! This morning someone tweeted a link to this photo saying they'd found it in my Etsy store and isn't it fabulous.

and this dear reader is the photograph which inspired my UK Cityscapes project

Earlier this week I spoke about why I need your help and told my story but this was really the moment that inspired it all.  I was over 400ft in the air standing at the top of the radio tower in Liverpool and for the first time in forever (sorry Frozen ;) ) I felt that feeling of total insignificance, we're all so incredibly small when viewed against the large landscape in which we live.  We can be all consumed by our problems, worries or human conditions but in reality they're so microcosmic when compared with the universe and it's amazing structures, formations and landscapes.  Now I'm not trying to undermine how utterly trapped you can feel when you have any mental health challenge and I should know from my own personal experiences of bipolar and agoraphobia, I suppose that several years ago I could not have done this, I could not be so high, so open,so tiny for agoraphobia made me essentially hide into the smallest corner wanting to be wrapped in a warm dark blanket of my own mortal fears.  I manage my own mental health pretty successfully and I speak about it to try and help, encourage and inspire other people who may at this moment feel trapped by their own inner mortal fears.  I think there's an ongoing fighting viking inside me which some days has to fight harder than others, don't get me wrong, when I get worried I get anxious and when I get anxious I forget to breath, funnily enough though it never ever happens in my professional life, probably because when I hold that camera I am very much in charge of the world, maybe that's what we all need, to find our own empowering tool which helps us to be in charge of our own universe so that we can climb tall buildings, scale large mountains and reach the precipice of our own destiny.

That's another reason that this project is so very important to me, I want to use this to do as much good as I can, I want the world to know my story and for everyone who's currently struggling to know that it is possible to be amazing and do great things.

Please support this project by claiming a perk on my crowd funding page or sharing this post or sponsoring me with your business and thank you, you're amazing!

Uk Cityscapes, here's where we're at -

It's Friday, it's day 11 of my crowd funding, it's a couple of weeks since I started the UK Cityscapes project and I've been to 7 cities so far.

Liverpool
Newcastle
Carlisle
Durham
Sunderland
Edinburgh
Glasgow

the most important post I've written this week was about the reason why I'm doing this, my war against agoraphobia and bi-polar and why I must achieve this

and so where are we now?  Well currently I've ran out of my own tiny weeny pot of savings, everything i'm earning at the moment is going into this project so as soon as I get paid for some stuff I'll be back on the road, or the train, I am actually hoping to hop to York today but it very much depends what time a delivery arrives.

My favourite image of the project so far -

Possibly because it's the image which made me decide to do this and it's all about transition, change and making bold statements, something which I identify with in my own story.

Someone asked me this week how you can go from having agoraphobia to being 400 foot up in the air with vast spaces around you, well the answer is that agorapobia is always there and there are anxious moments but then I remind myself that I'm literally giving agoraphobia a big kick in the face and I'm not just doing this for me, I'm doing it for everyone who's living with a mental health challenge and winning, although i'll always have bi-polar but I don't believe i'll ever relapse, good medication, a positive outlook at all times and a love of photography, enterprise, inspiring and helping other people mean that even when i have scary moments/hours/days I know exactly where the boundaries lie and I know how to fight them and win.

So what can you do to help?  Well there are a few ways, as of this morning I have raised £528, that's 21% of my Crowd-Funding target, if you're wondering how that works, mostly credit card payments mean I'll get a substantial part of the total around 14 days after the crowd funding deadline closes in 36 days, anything paid via paypal I get immediately and that's helping me get to cities, with the admin and getting the word out there as well as securing perks for people who contribute.

If you want to make a contribution you can do so here

If you are a business reading this, get in touch, tell me how I can help you and in return secure some business sponsorship. I've spoken to press and coverage is imminent so the earlier you're in this with me the more publicity I can get for us both.  Perhaps you would like to exchange artwork for sponsorship, well that's fine but I can't help you if you don't give me your proposals, you can email me at any time at mandy@mandycharltonphotography.com

All of the images from the project are available as framed fine art prints, 7x5 in size in a 2 inch mount with a matt black frame and they're signed and numbered, all are only available in a limited edition of 100 and if you would like to purchase one again just email me or you'll also find a selection in my Etsy store, Philomenas Boutique

If you want up to the minute progress while I am on the go all you need to do is follow me on Twitter and you'll also find me on Facebook and of course I have my own website and I am still very much available for weddings and portraits oh and 1 more thing, if you don't live in the North East and would like to book a photo shoot with me when I visit your city there's a couple of special perks just for you on my crowd funding page.  book early though so I can plan it into my schedule as some cities I may only be coming to for a few hours, whilst I'd like to spend 24 hours in each city it's just not possible.

1 final thing, if you're travelling to a city somewhere and have room in your car for me (serious offers only and no serial killers please) I'd love to split the petrol costs with you so do get in touch :)

Have a wonderful bank holiday weekend, I am shooting portraits, a party and then celebrating Abigails forthcoming 12th birthday which is on Wednesday but we always celebrate on the bank holiday weekend.  This year she's getting an electric keyboard and some Dr Martens amongst other things, being 12 seems pretty splendid to me.

Oh and here she is, my just about to be 12 year old.

Uk Cityscapes, My story and why I need your help...

You find me back in Newcastle today dear reader, I'm home to do some admin, catch up with some of my regular work and above all do some planning for the next stage of my UKCityscapes challenge

I've been thinking about writing this since I started the quest to be the first person to visit, document and photograph all 69 cities of the UK and I feel it's probably important to provide some background into the reasons I'm actually doing this.

Here's the thing, I started my business in June 2007, before that point I was recovering from agoraphobia, for 3 years I'd barely been past my back gate on my own, when I was getting better I would take Looby to the park for protection, she was 3 years old at the time!

You see in 2003 during my 3rd pregnancy I was finally diagnosed with bi-polar disorder something which had been in my life for as long as I could remember but without any diagnosis other than depression and I knew myself it couldn't just be depression, I went through long periods of being quite happy, too happy, trapped in a whirlwind of euphoria, when my hubby met me in 1999 I was the most fun girl at the party, we know now it was because I was not a well person.

It's often common for bi-polar to lead to agoraphobic symptoms and in 2004ish it happened to me, I was attacked in the park while walking our dog and I just stopped going out on my own, the open world became a scary place and it was just easier to stay at home, in these days of the internet you would be surprised just how easy it is!

I have to say that from the day Looby was born I was put on the right medication and started the long process of getting better and being well and since 2007 I have been completely well, yes I still have days where I fight harder and in January this year I felt myself slipping into the not going out pattern, mostly because i'd worked too hard doing stupid amounts of work for very little reward and I was exhausted, this project is the perfect antidote.

When I am on top of the highest building in the city right out in the open, often feeling so high that I am amongst the Gods it's an amazing feeling to remind myself just how free I am, like I've taken all of my demons, lined them up against a wall and conquered them one by one.

I am making a commitment today to donate a percentage of the royalties from my eventual book to the charity MIND.

and that's why I need your help to succeed, I can't do this on my own, the cost of travel alone would make your eyes water but I want to do this to tell the world that you can do anything as long as it's on your own terms, I want to stick two fingers up at mental health and say we're all fantastic and we can do things in spite of long term health conditions.  I want to inspire other people to go and have adventures and conquer their own demons, some times it is about feeling the fear and doing it anyway.  You only have 1 life and it's a big adventure, you must do something to make it count.

Thanks for listening and even if you can only support me by sharing the crowd funding page on your social media feeds as long as we can all crowd together and get this thing funded to wonderful fabulous fruition then that's all that matters.

Thanks for listening, coming up soon is city 7 of 69, Glasgow.