Newcastle Photographer and Content Creator, Mandy Charlton, Always on a quest for adventure, often seen on buses, trains and planes. On a quest to be happier and healthier. Lives in Newcastle with her 3 cats, Iris, Maggie and Arthur. Loves good vibes, musicals and cakes. Full time professional wedding photographer in the north east of england alongside content creator on Tiktok, Instagram and Facebook

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

I have a dilemma...

The only dilemma in life should really be, which cake should I have next?

So I have a dilemma, this is something I could just sit and muse on for days but it's probably better out than in so I'm just writing it down, putting it out there and then walking away with a clearer mind...hopefully!

Recently I've been talking to a man who seems to have at least some of the qualities I'm looking for, he's asked me to go for lunch with him and he's smart, speaks in fully formed sentences, can spell, likes to travel, seems to be doing really well in life but I'm not sure he'd embrace my star child bohemian spiritual goddess and he can also take cake or leave it, plus there's the fact that there's someone out there in internet land that I actually do like, who really seems to get me and someone I feel like I could probably sit down to have a conversation with on a Tuesday and still be talking by the Thursday.  Someone who already knows I'm not perfect and who could probably embrace the eccentricity and not mind the fact that I have bipolar, someone in fact that I probably wouldn't have to even have sit and have that conversation with, maybe I should just point all potential suitors in the direction of my blog and then they could run away early on once they'd read my story?

The physical things in life really don't matter to me, money, material possessions (yeah, I know I love tech but I'm not perfect) etc, I am my own person in that respect and I may not have all of the money or even half of it but I've always been able to create the things we needed and a little extra fun besides so when looking at a future relationship financial security is the least important thing on the list.

What does matter to me is a connection, souls find each other every day and not just in the relationship sense, I believe I'm just as connected to my best friends as I could ever be to a potential partner and no one gets me or embraces my inner unicorn more than my best friends, they certainly don't dismiss my opinions about Reiki in the way this guy did.  I mean, come on, even my dog likes yoga!

My pragmatic friend Kelly says I should always keep my options open and she's right, she's completely right but in my heart centred head I just don't know if it's worth the investment of my time to go to a lunch with someone my gut feeling doesn't tell me is right.  I could be completely wrong of course and not only that, I could be amazingly surprised, you can see why I have a dilemma!  Kelly also says that I always like unobtainable men because it means I don't actually have to date them, everyone needs a straight-talking friend like Kelly.  I, of course, don't agree, I think we're all quite foolish as humans to believe that our twin flames live just around the corner, it makes no sense at all that our souls were thrown to the ends of the earth only to be found living 5 or 6 miles away.

Everything tells me that I should just be patient and I should wait this thing out, look at the long game, that this next year is going to be amazing, my Reiki practitioner said it again yesterday and it's not like I'm overwhelmingly lonely on my own all the time, I have so many friends surrounding me in real life and online and I go out and have a life often, it's just those sudden waves I get when I'm on my own of crushingly lonely feelings, the ones that make me sad because I know I have the capacity of having so much love in my heart that I want to share with someone.

So, nearly 700 words later and after writing it down am I any clearer?  No, not even in the slightest, help me internet, help me dear readers, what in the heck should I do?

Answers in a comment/tweet/ please...


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