With my 41st birthday approaching like a train hurtling towards me without any breaks I've been feeling the need to make plans, to-do lists and a jotter full of suggestions for myself of things I should do/attempt/go to/try over the course of the next year... Well you would think that wouldn't you? But it reality it's just there hanging in the back of my mind like a lonesome worry the size of Birmingham, it's looming large and growing like a large spot without a head on, you know the ones, they throb, they're red and angry but you can't actually get rid of them just yet!
Last year around my 40th birthday I seem to remember wanting to make To-do lists of things I wanted to achieve over the course of the last year, none of them went to plan and I ended up having probably the worst year of my entire life so it is why there is a certain amount of trepidation to try and set goals for myself over the coming year.
I do feel one thing, I am delighted that once I reach Sunday I will no longer have to be 40 anymore, I always dreaded 40 and it seems with retrospect that it was for very good reason.
I do find now that I am in a very happy and settled period of my life though that 40 was probably the exact right age to get a dog, parents you can use that with your children "No Philomena, you can't have a puppy, we'll get one when you are 40"
Speaking of puppies, Holly had a brilliant time yesterday running around a field off lead, her recall is so good, perhaps because she loves me or perhaps because I am the lady with a pocket full of treats or maybe it's a bit of both.
I could actually state that as the single best highlight of being 40, adopting Holly has given me not only a whole new lease of life but she's changed my life, given me a whole new outlook and taught me some things about life, love and the universe and all without actually saying a thing.
I'd love the next year of my life to be full of new experiences, fun times and family times, I want photography and writing to remain the focus of my working life because they're the tools which have the ability to provide the existence of new experiences. Work of course doesn't have to feel like work when you enjoy it and have fun, that is a fact that I've definitely learnt in the last decade!
and so here I am on the verge of 41 with no plans, to-do lists (not even a weekly one yet) or goals and I am simply going to jot down a few ideas, open myself up to as many new experiences as possible and work as much as I need to so that I can achieve that. I'm not looking to change the world but maybe I am looking to change my own world so that I can continue to grow and heal and be happy and loved and enjoy the experience of living a fulfilled life, and isn't that what we're all trying to achieve at the end of the day? Inner peace and a deep understanding of our own psyches?
Step 1 - Get a dog...