The festive period has well and truly landed at Charlton towers, yesterday we festooned the house with as many Christmas lights as we could find and Looby, the little gem that she is did the entire tree apart from fluffing up the branches and putting the lights on, she's a little Christmas wonder that one, she even said as we were having our 10 minute bedtime chat that she knows that Christmas isn't about presents, it's about spending time together as a family, I told her she should never change and she told me her teacher had said that to her last week too!

Apologies for the slightly dodgy quality of the Instagrams but it was pretty dark by the time I was able to photograph it and still no photographs of downstairs, I might do that after the cleaner has been as it's abysmal!

There was a certain sadness yesterday as putting the Christmas decorations up was always such a family occasion, I would do all of the decorating, the kids would put the decorations on the tree and Paul would sit in the corner getting drunk on egg nog, it's not that I miss that part so much but I've always so strongly firmed in being a family that it's sad the way that things ended up.  Poor Abigail is really poorly and stuck at her dads, too ill to come home apparently so Abigail if you are reading this, get well soon and come home to see that Christmas has arrived!

Tonight I am going to a Christmas party, my first foray into the world and being social, I've already tried to get out of it several times but I am taking Stacey to thank her for working so hard for me this year and also because there was less chance that I would actually chicken out of going.  I did say to all of the children that I could stay home if they needed me more but Looby said this morning that she wanted me to go out.  This is the first of 3 festive events I have invitations to but this one is the only evening event out in the big wide world, I'm slightly terrified but at least it's at The Stand in Newcastle so 1, it's in the dark and 2, it's comedy so I don't actually have to talk to people.  I don't actually have anything to wear at this point and there's a bottle of hair dye on top of the fridge which stands between grey haired old lady me and slightly younger red headed me.  I'm running to the retail park once lovely Daria stops cleaning around me and I've seen the black dress I'm going to buy so it's just a quick run into the M&S outlet store and a grab at the nearest rail!

Back tomorrow, if I survive...

Time and Space

Time and space dear reader, it sounds like the start of a Doctor Who episode, I nearly actually called this blog adventures in time and space but that might just be seen as plagiarism and quite frankly I am way too original for such nonsense.

Just now I'm at a point in my life where I finally have aforementioned time and space to think and be myself.  I set out my stall that what I needed was a month of complete space to think, mull things over and make one final decision because I've never done that before, i'm usually entirely heart lead which gets me into trouble over and over and at the age of 40 it's time for this to cease.

You know what though, I'm actually loving not having to answer to anyone but myself and perhaps the children, I finally actually feel in control of my own destiny something which I've never felt for the last 15 years, it wasn't that I didn't have the room to go off and achieve stuff but it was far more controlled than I would have wanted it to be even if it wasn't meant to be.

I actually think I make a pretty good single mum, I'm old and wise enough to have patience and I rarely if ever raise my voice, I have pretty fabulous kids which of course helps but I really don't see the point in screaming and shouting if you want to achieve something anyway.  I also think I'm young enough to still be silly and have fun with the kids, I am seen as slightly eccentric anyway so I can get away with a multitude of strange behaviours without anyone raising an eyebrow, if I feel like dancing along Northumberland street then I do, I did once get told off for twirling in Sainsburys but in my defence Looby had just twirled before me and she was the one telling me off!!  Parents, they're supposed to embarrass their kids right?

I'm actually feeling overwhelmingly positive and happy about the future at present, I can't wait for Christmas and to share that with my lovely friend Li and her daughter, you should see my growing pile of Christmas decorations/homeware I have been collecting on my travels, it's now a rather large pile in the corner of the kitchen, can't wait until I can festoon it around the house, I am going for the full on Christmas house from the movies feel this year, festive duvets on every bed, I do hope I can get all of the decorating done in time.

I'm sure there are going to be times when the loneliness hits and I haven't exactly decided how I'll deal with that if I'm honest but hopefully it'll be with a clear head so I can think it out logically rather than just making stupid decisions which in the end just lead to more pain and heartbreak, don't get me wrong I do believe in true love and soul mates, I do believe that love is the most important thing but that doesn't mean it's enough, it's just not that simple.  If you do have it though, embrace it and enjoy every sweet minute of it, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all as they say...