Photographer of Families, Small People and Delightful Places. Travel and Lifestyle Writer and Blogger. Lives in Newcastle, Loves the North, Often Accompanied By A Beagle Named Holly Bobbins

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Is there any end in sight? The ugly side of Lockdown

is there any end in sight, the ugly side of lockdown, mandy charlton photographer, writer, blogger

Abigail messaged me last night to ask why I'd stopped blogging, she said when she reads my blog, every post is like a letter from the inside of my mind.  I explained that right now, I don't feel like I have any craic at all, my mental health is not the best during this current lockdown and during every day I go through so many emotions that it's hard to just sit down and empty my mind.  I think I lost my blogging mojo sometime around the first lockdown only to get it back when we could travel again and then so swiftly it was taken away again and now here we are, almost locked into our houses, some of us, completely alone, whilst others juggle life/work/kids/marriage.  I don't think anyone has it easy, to be honest, we're all dealing with something.

I've taken to dehydrating fruit this time around, yes, my life, really is that exciting, now I could write a blog all about the joy of dehydrating fruit but it sounds about as exciting as repeatedly sticking pins in my eyes, there's nothing even slightly salacious about a jar of dehydrated grapes, which, by the way, if anyone knows why grapes suddenly change their identities to become raisins during the drying process could you get in touch and tell me, dear reader?

January has no highlights to it, I am in the middle of being divorced (still haven't got my head around that one even though I've been single for over 5 years) my income is scary/hilarious due to having no income.  Well I lie, the boutique on its own doesn't bring in enough, and especially during January when retail is at it's quietest.

No one is booking weddings or photoshoots, I mean, who could blame them, we don't even know what's going to happen next week, never mind in 3 months.  I can't plan for a day of Mother's Day sessions or Easter photoshoots.

There's so much un-fun stuff going on that even I, someone who's good at finding small pockets of joy, have nothing to get excited about, my birthday is coming up and I'm dreading it, Abigail is trapped in Durham (the uni not the prison) and I only get to see Looby once a week.

I try normally to be a paragon of positivity but I'm running on empty, let's just say, I'm glad I won't have a tax bill this year because I'd be paying for it in dried fruit!!

Originally this blogpost was going to be called "Ten ways to survive January" but I gave up after the first two sentences, I do still post a happy or funny thing in my Facebook group every day and it's as much for me as it is for others as I go purposely searching for happy, funny, cute photos and videos, it's a small thing but it's something I guess.

The first lockdown was hard but the sun shone, I taught photography and I spent the rest of the days in the garden, the second was time limited and I knew Abigail was coming home from Uni for Christmas.  This one, well we know there's a vaccine and that's about as much as we do know.  I've heard easing of restrictions being mentioned for mid-February, late February, Easter and then someone the other day said, Oh we'll have restrictions until summer.  Plus every interview you see with an MP, they just say, the NHS is overwhelmed, we can't make plans until that lessens.  Let's not get into the fact that if more financial support had been given over the years to the NHS then this might not have happened.  Let's also take a moment to think about New Zealand, an island, just like us, where they've ended all restrictions, NZ is free of the virus, Jacinta Ardern is the prime-minister we all need.  I would rather have locked down earlier and for longer than be in this current state.

So I'm sorry this isn't a more positive blog and Abigail, when you read this, just know, one of the things getting me through this is the thought of a huge hug with you at the end of lockdown whenever that may be.


Ways to support my writing


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