Photographer of Families, Small People and Delightful Places. Travel and Lifestyle Writer and Blogger. Lives in Newcastle, Loves the North, Often Accompanied By A Beagle Named Holly Bobbins

Thursday, October 25, 2018

Life 1 - Mandy 0


Holly Bobbins in Bed, life 1- Mandy 0, mandy charlton, photographer, writer, blogger


It's been such a busy week that I'd not found the time to have even a quiet few moments to blog, packages keep arriving for this years Christmas gift guides which make me smile and thank goodness as life hasn't been too smiley for the last couple of days, a combination of a migraine I've had for 3 days now, my heart being squashed out of shape and just feeling all over off colour.

Life 1 - Mandy 0


As much as I would like to pour my heart out on my blog, sometimes I think it's just not worth it, I kind of made a promise that there are some things I don't talk about, mostly because of Abigail and Looby so suffice to say, I'm a moron, always have been, always will be.

You know, I am a dreamer, a lover, someone who can find magic in the smallest of things, I read this week for instance that we should truly cherish our friends who think about Christmas in February because they are the purest of heart, it's nice to think of myself like that, I just hung a quote on my stairs which says "As long as you have Christmas in your heart there will always be magic".  I've said that to the kids for years, I actually thought it was from a movie but it seems it might have been my own dose of wisdom, I have that you know, even if it isn't something I choose to use on myself.

For years I've looked to only see the good in others and this is the year when that has truly smacked me in the face, I know now that not all people are lovely or treat others as they want to be treat themselves, I still like to believe in good though and I think the reality is probably something like 90% of people are good and only 10% masquerade as good people but are truly cold with shrivelled hearts underneath.

I guess this is the year when I have learned so many lessons, whilst it's been not my favourite year I've definitely learnt so much from it, at least when you make mistakes you have something to learn from it.

Someone said recently of me that they worried for my mental health because it seems so all over the place and you know, I think that's because I blog, I write about how I'm feeling at the time when I sit down, I never pre-prepare blogs (kudos to the bloggers who do) and being bipolar, maybe I could describe that as when your brain is all over the place, it get's worse as you age unfortunately and I am, of course, considerably older than 2846!

Earlier today I described myself as an old bag of fat potatoes because that's how I currently feel, like a fat potato, you know the slightly mouldy one at the back of the cupboard, maybe not quite so bad as the ones which smell, I'm not quite that bad yet 😉(how did I just discover that you can blog with emoji now?)

I have several things I need to beat currently, when I'm not out working with my camera, basically people terrify me, I know it's agoraphobia but it takes me such a long time to get out of the house and carrying an enormous heavy camera and lens around isn't really a solution.  I think maybe I've been so ground down this year that I just feel like I'm not worthy of spending time with others, yep it's entirely crappy but that's anxiety for you.  I wish I could go back to before May when I thought I could change the world with my secret superhero pants and maybe next year I'll make a comeback with a new superhero weapon but until then, has anyone got a large cupboard I could come and hide in?
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