Newcastle Photographer and Content Creator, Mandy Charlton, Always on a quest for adventure, often seen on buses, trains and planes. On a quest to be happier and healthier. Lives in Newcastle with her 3 cats, Iris, Maggie and Arthur. Loves good vibes, musicals and cakes. Full time professional wedding photographer in the north east of england alongside content creator on Tiktok, Instagram and Facebook

Monday, December 18, 2017

I yearn for Christmas Past

So it's been a week and I've not blogged, I think the possibility is that, it's just been quiet apart from my major anxiety meltdown when I found out that I had to go to court as a witness for the prosecution in March over the weird guy who threatened me after me seeing him chasing a man down the street with a knife.

Anyway it's my 4th CBT today and the last before Christmas and I'm not noticing any difference to my anxiety levels yet, surely if I'm halfway through I should be noticing some changes, I honestly don't believe that 8 sessions will be enough, I had a year of psychotherapy!

So, this week is all about finishing up for Christmas, I have 2 more photo shoots tomorrow and then just the editing to go and then I'm done until January 8th which is the longest break I've ever taken.  The £100 all inclusive voucher offer ends at midnight on the 22nd and I'm doing a Facebook Live on the 23rd to announce the winner of the £250 upgrade, or at least I will be if I sell at least 10 so that it's a fair contest.  I'm hoping as people get paid this week that they'll consider purchasing one to use in 2018.  
Last Christmas playing boardgames in the kitchen, Mandy Charlton, Photographer, Writer, Blogger, I Yearn for Christmas past

I stupidly lost my bankcard yesterday, no idea how I did it but between home and the post office it somehow went astray so now I have to rely on Iain and Harriet to give me cash and me transfer the money until the new one turns up, if it's not here by Thursday Iain is on standby to pay for the Christmas grocery shop, thats one delivery you definitely don't want to have cancelled at the last minute or we'll be eating a freezer full of odd contents, chicken breasts with smiley faces for Christmas dinner anyone?  Actually, Iain would probably love that!

I was thinking about 2017 and the fact that I never really expected to be ending another year as a single lady, I really thought after all this time that someone would have found me by now, I'm mean it's basically unsurprising, I'm a middle aged bipolar woman with 3 children, not exactly what you would call a catch.  I do hope though that although I'm happy on my own for now that I won't have to spend the rest of my life alone, I mean 50 years or so, it's a bloody long time, argh, what I wouldn't give to turn the clock back about 10 years, Christmas 2007 I remember being one of the happiest, I loved being a proper family at Christmas, I'd literally sell my soul to have it back.

This blog was not meant to get all maudlin so perhaps it's time to sign off, perhaps that's the reason I've not blogged this week very much, I think I need to go and get a hold of myself, give myself a good talking too.

I wish you could craft your very own life, I would be married with happy teenagers having the friends I have now, it would be like the greatest cake you ever tasted.  Meh!  I'm sure it's just a stage and by midweek I'll be a bouncy, happy, cheery bunny by the middle of the week, Christmas of course fires up all of the emotions and no one can be super happy 100% of the time so maybe this is my hour of mourning the loss of Christmas past and by lunchtime all will be well again, maybe I should cook some party food because that always makes me feel better!

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