Let’s talk about that delightful little brain trick where the second you feel even slightly sad, you go full Sherlock Holmes on yourself trying to figure out whether it’s just a down day or the start of another trip down the depression mine shaft. Spoiler alert: there are no clear signs. No flashing neon that says “This is fine” or “Welcome back to the void.” Just vibes. And not the good kind.
This week? The vibes have been terrible.
It started with one thing—one stupid little thing—toppling. And like any good neurodivergent woman, my brain took that as an excuse to spiral into a full symphony of what ifs, what now, and oh god not again.
Because here’s the truth: when you’re autistic and life loses its comforting sense of constancy, your mental health is usually the first to file for divorce. We like stability. We like the known. We do not enjoy surprise plot twists. Especially the ones that come without commercial breaks or a warning at the top that says “this episode contains scenes of emotional peril.”
I’ve done all the things this week. Manifested like a woman possessed. Hugged my cats like they were emotional support therapy cushions (because they are). I’ve sipped ceremonial matcha and whispered sweet nothings to the universe while wondering if my brain is quietly sabotaging me behind my back.
Because once you’ve had depression—proper depression—you don’t just feel sad anymore. You interrogate the sadness. Is this depression again? Is this hormones? Is it burnout? Is it because Mercury’s retrograde and I haven’t saged my living room recently? Or am I just reacting normally to circumstances that are, in fact, a bit shit?
The answer, unfortunately, is probably “all of the above.”
And layered on top of that is the charming internalised monologue of my mother telling me I was born to make people unhappy and ruin lives. Lovely stuff. Really puts a bow on the whole experience.
So yes, I’ve spent too much time thinking this week. I’ve tried to soft life my way out of it with cosy corners and scented candles. I’ve tried to remind myself that just because I feel low doesn’t mean I’m doomed. But there's still a niggling fear at the back of my mind that happiness isn’t for people like me. That maybe I manifested too hard and the universe’s returns policy has kicked in.
But I’m still here. And if you are too—reading this, nodding along, wondering if you’re the only one panic-checking your mental health status every time your mood drops—then please know you’re not alone.
We’re not broken. We’re just human. Neurospicy, overthinking, cat-hugging humans trying our best to get through the week without crying on the bus.
🔗 Soft Life Tools for When You're Falling Apart (But Aesthetically)
-
Ceremonial Matcha Powder – The one I actually like, because no one needs bitter grass water when they’re already emotionally fragile.
-
Milk Frother/Hot Chocolate Maker – For people who want barista energy without the burnout.
-
Scented Wax Melts from the Northumberland Candle Co. – I call this one 'Emotional Stability in Scent Form'.
-
Weighted Blanket – Like a hug, but from capitalism.
🧠Neurodivergent Comforts
-
Noise-Cancelling Headphones – Block out the world and listen to rain sounds while pretending you have it all together.
-
Sensory/Fidget Tools – For when you need something to do with your hands besides doomscroll.
-
Books That Soothe the Chaos Brain – Gentle reads for existential dread.
❤️ Mental Health Resources
If you're someone who's been googling "how to know if you're depressed again" or "how to stop overthinking everything at 3am", welcome. You're in good company. This blog is filled with soft life comforts, neurodivergent tools, and tiny hacks that sometimes (just sometimes) help stop the spiralling. You’ll find my favourite matcha, the only wax melt that smells like emotional stability, and the cat-approved blanket I basically live under when life gets a bit much.
No comments:
Post a Comment