I'm a photographer, I've seen the world through glorious technicolour imagery every day of the last ten or so years, I never used to notice the minute changes in light, or the way shadows fell as the hours in the day drew on, or the way the world looks when the sun shines after the rain or the hours around sunset as the world turns warm and glowing followed by blues and blacks invading on the light that is left in the day.
As I sit here writing this, my only light, the screen and keyboard, it's the wee small hours of the day, it's not quite tomorrow but there's not a lot left of today, all that has gone we cannot change but the unknown awaits, the promise of a new day, a blank page, one more chance to start again. Often these late hours are the ones I enjoy the most, the comfort of the darkness which befriends my solitude, I'm not sure when I started sleeping in the middle of my bed but the two years that went before this when I slept teetering on the edge as if I might fall off at any time, I guess a reflection of my life stage, my relationship and perhaps my soul. I really did always sleep half on and half off the bed.
Whilst the first days of September seemed brutal and unkind I always think it's a great time for a new start, to draw a line through the past, there are anniversary's that I am promising myself this time that I will never mark again, it's not good for my soul or my mental health for their is the greatest joy in life right now, I feel ready for a new start and some new adventures and I want to push myself and my business to the next level, I want to take on some new challenges and celebrate the achievements I've already made.
I am in love with photography more than I have ever been and I truly adore writing and blogging, I feel I've finally found my voice through my personal work, both photography and blogging, I'm more honest than I ever have been and every time I share something I do it without fear of repercussion, I was talking tonight to one of my best friends about the boundaries of a personal life when I pretty much live publicly through my blog, I had worried that one day I might meet someone and they're going to find my blog and read my story but then if that happens, I have nothing to hide, I am who I am whether you meet me on the street or you read my tweets/blog/Facebook status.
Whilst I still have anxieties, social, emotional, personal, I know that I am more happy and confident in myself than I have been for a long time and certainly more than I was a couple of years ago, treading on egg shells is not a good state to live in and so thank you September, thank you for temporarily taking me back to relive some pain and anguish because without that I would't have been able to appreciate just how very far I've come. Sometimes we have to look back to truly be able to move forward.
Onwards to the next chapter, a whole new adventure awaits...