I said in my last blog dear reader that this week has been a challenge but I have emerged from the other side of it stronger, better and wiser and I feel that I really have, I guess we never stop learning from life, ourselves and others.
1 thing I really need to do is reconnect with a social life. Don't get me wrong, I am rarely home, I am always off on one adventure or another but it's usually quite insular, Holly and I traverse wide and far and we meet interesting people on our journeys but I do sometimes feel I lack the joy of other people and the experiences they offer. I have friends, wonderful friends who will always be there for me and but I think for one reason or another we just haven't had time to arrange lunches and trips out for cocktails. I miss two of my friends Elanor and Li so very much, both moved away last year to fabulous new and inspiring lives and I just haven't seen them enough. I must make more effort and arrange things!
I hope my holiday next week with Abigail and Looby (and Holly) will be the start of the healing process for me really, I say to myself, "it's been 7 months since Paul left, how can you not have sorted yourself out yet?" I've always been a survivor (sorry Beyonce), I know my own self in that respect but I guess 15 years (and it will be 15 years on the 14/4) is harder to move on from than I ever imagined it would be and maybe in some way there are parts of me I'd given away and they will remain gone for the rest of my life, that's what you do isn't it, when you marry someone? You give parts of your soul and they're just not yours anymore, it's part of the contract of marriage, you have to give all of your heart and soul on that day when you walk down the aisle because you have to believe that you will be together for the rest of your lives. I still believe that, I still believe in unbreakable, enduring true love which lasts forever.
For now though in whatever form I have to live most days on a path of my own and I'm sure as I walk down this new road I'll meet friends along the way and I'll stop to drink from fountains of life and I'll gaze at beautiful vistas and my heart will smile back at me. This week whilst walking many many miles (over 45 so far) my heart smiled at me as I simply enjoyed the company of my dog and the sunshine on my face and the sounds of the birds in the trees, nature is at it's most splendid and miraculous in spring. Maybe that's what it is, maybe I've had to wait until spring to feel able to start again?
What it is I guess is that when it all comes down to it I know I have loved, I do love and I will love again...