2 weeks until Christmas dear reader, am I ready? Well my wine rack is for sure, I won another bottle of wine yesterday, suffice to say I'd be dead if I even attempted a row of it never mind the whole of the rack!
I was just talking to someone yesterday about my filling my wine rack obsession, it's come about of course because when you have lived your life with an alcoholic binge drinker you can't exactly have wine in the house, well that's not strictly true, every Christmas we would go and buy a ton of bottles of wine and spirits and I would declare that from December the first you could drink whatever you wanted. For just one month I gave up trying to manage the drinking, it did of course mean we went through untold amounts of alcohol and hangovers but there were definitely less arguments although I did note on time hop that a couple of years ago we went to a Scissor Sisters concert where he got very very drunk and dragged me out into the foyer of the arena and was pretty horrible and told me it was over, there was no hope for us, he didn't know why we were still together, I think that was one of the times when he couldn't remember anything of it the next day, sadly I think that's an easy get out when you drink, you might not remember the hurtful things you say but the people you say the hurtful things to certainly don't recover from the comments so quickly. The worst thing was that sometimes when alcohol was involved he would be lovely until a certain point when he just became horrible.
We do that in relationships don't we, we make excuses for the people we love to deal with their personality flaws which hurt us, more often than not we feel it's easier to blame ourselves rather than the people we love, sometimes it even seems unfathomable that those people we fell in love with could be the person who is hurting us, it must be us that are the imperfect seriously flawed people. This is of course why it's still so very hard when you're no longer in those relationships, if not by someone else you have conditioned yourself to believe that you aren't good enough and the recovery from that is the hardest thing entire.
I'll leave it here for today so we can all muse on those words and thoughts, if you figure them out before me do email and let me know and if you are in a similar situation just know that it's not always your fault and most probably you are way better than just good enough and you only ever have to be good enough!