Time and space dear reader, it sounds like the start of a Doctor Who episode, I nearly actually called this blog adventures in time and space but that might just be seen as plagiarism and quite frankly I am way too original for such nonsense.
Just now I'm at a point in my life where I finally have aforementioned time and space to think and be myself. I set out my stall that what I needed was a month of complete space to think, mull things over and make one final decision because I've never done that before, i'm usually entirely heart lead which gets me into trouble over and over and at the age of 40 it's time for this to cease.
You know what though, I'm actually loving not having to answer to anyone but myself and perhaps the children, I finally actually feel in control of my own destiny something which I've never felt for the last 15 years, it wasn't that I didn't have the room to go off and achieve stuff but it was far more controlled than I would have wanted it to be even if it wasn't meant to be.
I actually think I make a pretty good single mum, I'm old and wise enough to have patience and I rarely if ever raise my voice, I have pretty fabulous kids which of course helps but I really don't see the point in screaming and shouting if you want to achieve something anyway. I also think I'm young enough to still be silly and have fun with the kids, I am seen as slightly eccentric anyway so I can get away with a multitude of strange behaviours without anyone raising an eyebrow, if I feel like dancing along Northumberland street then I do, I did once get told off for twirling in Sainsburys but in my defence Looby had just twirled before me and she was the one telling me off!! Parents, they're supposed to embarrass their kids right?
I'm actually feeling overwhelmingly positive and happy about the future at present, I can't wait for Christmas and to share that with my lovely friend Li and her daughter, you should see my growing pile of Christmas decorations/homeware I have been collecting on my travels, it's now a rather large pile in the corner of the kitchen, can't wait until I can festoon it around the house, I am going for the full on Christmas house from the movies feel this year, festive duvets on every bed, I do hope I can get all of the decorating done in time.
I'm sure there are going to be times when the loneliness hits and I haven't exactly decided how I'll deal with that if I'm honest but hopefully it'll be with a clear head so I can think it out logically rather than just making stupid decisions which in the end just lead to more pain and heartbreak, don't get me wrong I do believe in true love and soul mates, I do believe that love is the most important thing but that doesn't mean it's enough, it's just not that simple. If you do have it though, embrace it and enjoy every sweet minute of it, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all as they say...