7 hours, dear reader, 7 whole hours, that's exactly how long it took to clean, reorganise and declutter my kitchen, I could have run a marathon in 7 hours, well possibly, I'm really not a runner, in fact I have trouble running for the bus, I can say honestly though that once my house is finished I shall be employing a cleaner, parenting and running a business and trying to have a life is not going to leave enough time for cleaning that's for sure!
I'm thinking of having several new Pinterest boards to help me in my quest to have a beautiful artists house, if you're on Pinterest do feel free to follow me and throw some ideas at me.
When I came to a decision yesterday to just take it easy on myself, live one day at a time and be good to myself and others it felt like such a relief, as my daughter Looby reminded me "all you need to be is happy and hopefully mammy". This is something that I've told her about a million times in her nearly 11 years on this earth. I'm usually such a wonderfully positive person full of love and warmth for others but I'm definitely right in saying that it's a lot more easy in life when you're a positive person to deal with difficult issues. These last few days positive Polly the parrot nearly fell off the perch but I think I've regained my standing, my balance and composure and as I remarked to my girls dad last night, we need to be together as parents and friends to guide our children through the waters ahead even if we're not truly sure what's out there. I think the inevitability of divorce is not a situation I would have ever chosen but I plan to come through it with grace, dignity and children who are as happy as they can be in that situation in which they get no choice.
As I stood in the kitchen last night with my girls around the kitchen table doing homework, chatting and laughing I realised that life is actually good, yes, not all of it is 24 carat best day ever but my children give me so much joy and strength, they make me laugh and they're at an age where they can talk, chat and understand things so I realise our situation could be much worse and many peoples are.
The redefinition of self is something which will come in time but I don't need to redefine myself as a mum of Abigail, Looby and Iain for I had been that forever and I'm definitely proud of the fact that I'm a good mum, I'm a mum who believes in laughter and cuddles and treats and in talking about feelings and occasionally screaming them loud if that's what we feel we must do and when the teenage tantrums happen "I hate you mum, you're the worst mum in the world" followed later by "I'm really sorry mum, I didn't mean that" I tell them that it's OK, it doesn't matter what they say because I'm their mum, I'll love them wholly and completely, it's OK if they need someone to be angry at, I have big shoulders.
So remind yourself today just what a brilliant mum or dad you are, be easy on yourself and think about all the good things you have in life even if life isn't quite so perfect as you wish and just remember the most important thing anyone ever told me - You only have to be good enough.