I woke up singing this today, ironically it was 5.30am dear reader! I've always alternated between someone who could sleep for Britain and the ultimate insomniac. I suppose that it's to be expected that the insomnia would creep up and get me at this juncture of my life.
I have some rules for life which I try to live by every day -
- Be as lovely as you can be every day
- Be as positive as you can be every day
- Do good deeds whenever possible
and yesterday I decided to add number 4 to that list - Just try to do at least one thing every day to make my house lovelier.
I think it's good to set yourself targets to live by, obviously there are days which are tougher than the others but I guess that's all part of the challenges of life.
There is one good thing about the early mornings and the late nights, I write so well at the moment, I find that I get all of those jumbled thoughts out of my mind every morning and it leaves me ready to start the day with a clear head.
I've spoken this week about healing at the passage of time, although I haven't had a time where I have wept inconsolably there are definitely times when the tears come and sometimes by surprise. I was talking to Paul yesterday about the future and those tears tumbled down my cheeks, salty tears of emotions collected over the years which at times were held back for fear that if I started to cry I may never have stopped. We had some really difficult times but then we had the best of times too, and sometimes they were intertwined.
I'm happy that I think we've achieved a strange kind of friendship again, especially at this early juncture but I think that's the thing which will ensure that our children come through this as unscathed as possible. One thing I hadn't mentioned is that I now share my bedroom with Looby, where Abigail needs space, Looby needs her mum and so I now have in my bedroom, a Petunia, a Looby, 22 My Little Ponies, an original Cabbage Patch doll called Rupert Matlock Smythe and a very curious and slightly sinister china Welsh doll, I haven't asked what her name is!
My message today is that it's ok to cry and have emotions as long as they don't overwhelm all that you are, it's only when we get those emotions out there that we can really begin to heal.
I'm going to go into the office on Monday, I have to work, I can't stay home forever, I need to support myself and my children and that's not going to happen if I hide away in the corner of my room forever. I'm lucky really that business is so successful that I'm full at weekends until the end of October!
Have a wonderful weekend everyone, be kind to yourself and others and maybe do just one thing to make the surroundings in which you live just that little bit lovelier.