Photographer of Families, Small People and Delightful Places, Travel and Lifestyle Writer and Blogger, Lives in Newcastle, Loves the North, Often Accompanied By A Beagle Named Holly Bobbins

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Healing, forgiving yourself and the passage of time

It's been 7 days since life changed forever dear reader, I'm not going to get all Sinead o Connor about it so please don't worry but as I awoke this morning in my brave new world I had the realisation that life will keep speeding by with the same swift pace it always has whether I embrace it or not.  It's only a few weeks ago when I was musing with my daughter Looby at just how quickly the year had passed and in just a few weeks Christmas will once again be the big countdown event that we're all looking forward to.

I have an app called Timehop on my phone, over the last few days it's made me quite sad to see photos from this time last year when we were embracing all things Canarian on our big family holiday to Puerto Rico and having such wonderful fun, I even thought I might just uninstall it for a while because happy memories of 2/3/4 years ago were making my heart ache just a little but then again it's good to remind ourselves that for 10 years out of the 14 year marriage we were amazing, we were like 2 peas in a very odd pod.  It's only when you look at it like that you realise just how easy it is to be bitter or twisted when you split up with someone, I see it all the time, people are hurting so badly that they focus on all of the bad things which hurt them so they can get over the love that in those first few days/weeks/months they're still feeling.  I have a ton of love still in my heart, you can't actually erase 14 years just like that but I don't want to be someone who cringes at every memory I have in my head and even in 5 years time some of my best memories are going to be ones I had with Paul, we have our girls who've given us beautiful wonderful times, the best times and I don't want that to be marred by negative thoughts.

To be honest I'm not even sure if I think there's a need to deeply analyse what went wrong, 1. I'm pretty sure I already know and 2.  What would be the point when it's not going to change anything?  I'm all for analysis and putting things right but this particular thing isn't fixable as a unit.

Last year Paul and I went to Relate for 6 months and somewhat I think it made a deeper wedge between us because for the first time in 14 years we just sat down and set out our stall, laid out our issues and what we discovered was that neither of us particularly wanted to change some of them because they were the building blocks which made us.  I had been trying to change for years whilst he had a refusal to change his core values, it's fine though, I guess it just highlighted our fundamental differences.

So today I want you to forgive yourself for being the person you are because you only ever have to be true to yourself, your inner core values have been with you for years and you don't have to change those for anyone, yes it's OK to try and grow and be a fuller better person, we should all strive to be doing that on a daily basis, that's how we evolve to live happier,  better and more fulfilling lives but those things which are inwardly there at the base of your very psyche, well they're yours, your fundamental building blocks and you never have to apologise to anyone for being the person that you are today.
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